Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes
by OhWiseOne
Summary: Season 6 AU - After Dead Things - As Buffy finally grows up, a new threat to her family looms on the horizon. Spike, Giles and the rest of the Scoobies help, along with some new friends. And Faith may be closer to her than Buffy ever realized.
1. Willow and Xander

Summary:       Buffy has come to some decisions about her relationship with Spike.  Now all she has to do is tell her friends.  But will Xander and Willow understand?

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 1 - Willow and Xander 

Buffy knew it was time.  Time to tell her friends about her relationship with Spike, if she could even call it that.  Sure, she considered him a friend.  And he had helped with things while she was gone – even before she was gone.  But telling Willow and Xander would make it all real.  Until the others knew, it could stay an illusion; a fantasy she entertained only in her mind.  But as she talked and the word 'dating' slipped from her lips, Buffy knew the precarious fantasy life she had been living slammed instantly into the reality column.    

Chaos broke out around her.  How two people could seem to attack her from all sides was beyond reason.  Buffy let them yell, talking over each other so all she could hear was a jumbled mass of disconnected words.  But after a few minutes, she couldn't take it anymore.  Buffy mumbled under her breath.  "It's been coming for a long time, so let's get this over with."  She was ready for the showdown.  She had too much she needed to say.  Too many words that had been left unspoken.  If friendships were going to end, it was going to be now.  She yelled above their voices, "One at a time, please!"

The force of her voice broke through the din.  Xander stood completely still, his mouth hanging because he had stopped talking in mid sentence.  Willow was the first to recover.  She slowly walked up to Buffy, placing her hand lightly on the Slayer's shoulder.  "Buffy," she said with a voice filled with concern, "You don't really have feelings for Spike.  This has to be a spell.  A spell that Spike cast."  Willow knew the vampire hated magiks, but it was the only reasonable answer.

Buffy hated to disappoint Willow, but magiks weren't always the answer.  Jumping to conclusions like that was one of the reasons Willow was in the position she was in currently with Tara.  "Nope, no spell.  Had someone check that angle already.  It's real and it's been going on for months.  I just decided that now was the time to tell you."

"And what else have you been keeping from us?" Xander had finally managed to shut his mouth.  The return of his composure also brought the return of his fury.   Spike and Buffy were dating? What alternate dimension had he woken up in this morning!  Buffy barely tolerated Spike's presence on patrol, and now they were dating?  Had been dating for months?  Not of the possible.

Buffy knew this one was going to hurt – bad.  "Well, if you want to know the truth, I slept with him."  Buffy thought Xander might hyperventilate right there.  And it pissed her off.  So she slept with a vampire?  It's not like she killed someone.  Why did Xander have to blow everything out of proportion?  "Anything else about my personal life you feel you should know?"  

It took a minute for Xander to stop the coughing fit.  Nothing like having the air knocked from your lungs.  "Since your personal life has a tendency to get people killed, yeah I think there's a lot we should know."  Xander was quickly warming up to his subject.  "Since you seem to forget, maybe I need to remind you of what happened the last time you dated a vampire."   

Here we go, thought Buffy.  "Xander, I'm warning you.  You're treading on thin ice."  But in a way, that's just what Buffy wanted, wasn't it?  To keep pushing until everything was out in the open.  

Xander snorted.  "Just one 'happy' and Angel almost killed Willow, did kill Miss Calendar and tortured Giles.  Not to mention the fact that Drusilla killed Kendra, who only came to help you.  This time how many more bodies are going to litter the streets before you work up the nerve to kill Spike when the chip malfunctions?  Maybe he'll just kill Dawn.  Maybe that will be enough.  Or maybe, he'll kill all of us!"  Xander was on a role now.  He took a step closer to Buffy, almost nose to nose with the Slayer.  "Spike is an evil thing, Buffy.  He kills for pleasure and entertainment.  If it weren't for that chip in his head, he'd kill all of us, including you, and not think twice.  He can't be trusted!"

Buffy turned away from Xander, doing her damnedest to keep her anger in check.  It was no worse than she had expected.  She took a deep breath before turning towards Willow.  "And you?  Do you have something to add?"

"I don't know what else to say, Buffy."  Willow had let Xander take the lead.  Hadn't had a choice, really.  Xander could fume about Angel for days, even though they hadn't seen the vampire in years.  "I think that Xander has covered all the bases.  Buffy, he will kill us.  What about that don't you understand?  Angel left so that you could have a normal life.  Do you think being with Spike is what he meant?"  Willow was suddenly at a loss.  "I didn't bring you back just so you could screw up your life again."

That was the statement Buffy had been waiting for.  She took a step closer to Willow, invading her personal space.  "Then why did you bring me back, Will?  What plans did you have for me?  Do you think that just because you brought me back from HEAVEN you can dictate the way I decide to live my life?  You know, Spike won't tell me anything about what happened while I was dead, but Dawn.  Dawn tells me everything.  Why didn't you let Spike know you were going to resurrect me?  Did you not want him to get his hopes up in case it failed, because you knew he loved me?  Or was it because you knew he would try to stop you?  That he might be the voice of reason, when everyone else was thinking with their hearts.  Which is it?  Because I can't come up with anything else?"

Buffy whipped back around to Xander.  "And if we are going to bring up the subject of bad date choices, let's go through the illustrious history of Xander Harris.  A she-mantis that wanted to have sex with you, and then eat you.  An Incan mummy that almost sucked the life force from your body.  Not to mention the current love of your life and fiancé, the ex-vengeance demon.  A woman, who by her own admission, spread over 1000 years of pain, suffering and death through God-only-knows how many dimensions.  How am I doing so far?  Think about it Xander, the only 'normal' woman you've ever dated was Cordelia, and that's not saying much."

Willow laughed.  She didn't mean to, but hey, the Cordelia comment was funny.

"And let's not forget our perfect Miss Willow."  Buffy turned to look back at her best friend.  "The all powerful witch whose idea of a good time is releasing a demon into cyberspace and then proceeding to date him.  Moving along to the werewolf boyfriend who tried to kill you, Tara and me.  Not to mention, cheated on you with another werewolf, who also tried to kill you.  And technically, Will, you're the reason I kissed Spike in the first place.  Little my-will-be-done spell freshman year."  Buffy watched the flames shoot up Willow's cheeks.  "Spike doesn't have a soul.  I'll give you that.  And he has tried to kill me in the past.  I'll give you that too.  But since no one in this room has a perfect dating record, I suggest we leave that particular subject alone."

Buffy walked away from the shocked pair.  She hopped up on the counter, waiting for them to recover from the last verbal battle.  She had never thrown their past dating experiences up in their faces.  She knew neither knew what to say.

"What," Buffy continued.  "I've listened for years to the two of you bring up my past with Angel.  I'm not allowed to bring up yours?  Are you some how different than me?  Are we not allowed to comment on your love life, only mine?  Gee, I wish someone had explained the rules to me."

Xander was the first to speak, his voice a little shaky.  "Buffy, I know you don't like Anya, but that's no reason to bring her into this.  This is about you and Spike."

"No Xander, it's not about me and Spike.  This is just about me and my choices."  Buffy was feeling more comfortable with the conversation.  For once, she wasn't letting them use Angel to get to her.  "And I never said I didn't like Anya.  I do like Anya.  She's grown on me.  You know why?  Because I know that she loves you and I know that you love her.  I've never tried to stand between the two of you.  But I'm realistic.  No one knows what would happen if she was offered her powers back.  I hope, that because she loves you, she would turn them down.  But if she didn't?  Can you stand there and honestly tell me, with 100% accuracy, what would happen?  Can you guarantee me that she wouldn't come after us?"

Buffy's questions struck Xander hard.  How many times had he asked himself those same things?  How many times had he questioned his decision to marry the ex-demon because of those specific reasons?

"And let's not gloss over the 1000 years of being a vengeance-demon.  You know she's got over 800 years on Spike.  If we could measure the amount of evil generated by each of them in their existences, who do you think would come out on top?  And I've never heard Anya apologize for anything she did in her past, so why would you expect Spike to do the same?  Last time I checked, she's got a soul and a conscience."  

Xander looked beaten down.  Buffy was hitting below the belt.  "Buffy, let up on Xander.  He doesn't deserve this," Willow said.  She couldn't stand to look at Xander's hurt expression any longer.  

"You're right, Willow," Buffy continued, "Xander doesn't deserve this, but neither do I."  Buffy's anger was leaving her.  She had kept so much inside for so long.  "Look, I love both you, and I understand your concern.  But I need the two of you to listen to me.  To really listen to me."  

All three of them were tired from the mini war.  Buffy thought part of the reason Willow and Xander nodded their heads in agreement was just to avoid another yelling match.  But whatever the reason, Buffy would take it.  This might be her only chance to make them understand.  She waited to begin until they were seated at the research table.

"I'm not saying I'm in love with Spike.  All I'm saying is that we are dating.  And I'm not saying that I've forgotten who, or what, he is.  But there are things the two of you have forgotten.  He didn't have to stick around when I was dead.  He easily could have left, found Drusilla or someone like her, and went back to being the vampire he was before.  But he didn't.  He stayed because he made a promise to me.  He stayed to protect Dawn.  He protected all of you while I was gone.  He went on patrol with you.  You must have trusted him.  Or are you going to tell me you left my little sister under the care of a vampire you didn't trust.  That you thought he would kill her the first opportunity he had.  Were we monitoring the chip?  Every night before you left Dawn with him, or before you went on patrol, did you make him hit one of you just to make sure it hadn't malfunctioned?"

Willow and Xander remained silent.  Buffy was right.  At first they had been so lost in their own grief, they hadn't had time to think about Spike's chip.  And later, they were wrapped up in the spell to bring Buffy back.  But if it was such a major concern now, shouldn't they have given it some consideration then?  On some level, did they trust Spike?

"Right now, I'm prepared to say I trust him.  I trust him with my life, Dawn's life or any of yours.  And that trust goes beyond the chip in his head.  I trust Anya not to turn into a vengeance-demon because she loves Xander.  I trust Willow to give up magik because she loves all of us.  I trust Spike, because he loves me.  Think about.  If he really wanted the chip out, don't you think he would have found a way?  This is Spike were talking about!  A master vampire, over 100 years old."

"Yeah, he'd perform the surgery himself if he thought it was the only way."  Xander hated to admit it, but it was true.

"But, Buffy, why doesn't he?  I mean, why do you think he doesn't find a way to get the chip out?"  Willow wasn't jumping on Buffy's bandwagon, but she was willing to listen to what her friend had to say.

"Well, I think he loves me.  I know he loves Dawn.  And I know how strange and unbelievable both those things sounds."  Buffy takes a deep breath before she continues.  "I've been thinking about this a lot.  I think being around us, all of us, he feels like he's part of something he never had the chance to be a part of when he was alive.  Yeah, the chip stops him from being the Big Bad, but it hasn't changed his personality.  He's the same Spike he was before the chip.  I so don't want to bring this up, but you all saw how Angel changed when he lost his soul.  No matter how 'ooh, Slayer, I'm going to kill you' Spike was, he never hit the evil-o-meter rating that Angelus did.  Spike's all spot of violence on patrol, playing pool at the Bronze, drinking at Willy's, eating chicken wings.  And he is all about the love.  I mean, his whole motivation for coming to Sunnydale in the first place was to find a cure Drusilla.  He sold out Angelus to get Dru away from him because he was jealous.  He drank cocoa in my kitchen with my mother, crying over the fact that Dru left him for a chaos demon."

"Even when he kidnapped Xander and me, it was because he wanted me to perform a love spell to get Dru back," Willow added.  And why again was she helping?

"Exactly.  Can you see Angelus doing those things?  All vampires are evil.  Preaching to the choir on that subject.  But maybe it's possible for some vampires to be more evil than others.  Am I making any sense?"

Xander so didn't want to admit this.  "Maybe, maybe making a little sense.  But I'm still not signing up for the Spike-is-the-best fan club.  The fact is he has tried to kill all of us.  That doesn't go away."

"No, it doesn't.  But I can't live in the past.  Not anymore.  I've been dead twice.  How many chances at happiness, or even a glimpse of happiness, do you think I'm going to get?"  Buffy looked at Willow.  "Will, one of the first nights we ever hung out of the Bronze, I told you my motto – Carpe Diem, remember?  In the last few years, I've lost that seize-the-day spirit.  Slowly I've let the constant burden of being the Chosen One interfere with the living of my life.  I've been so wrapped up in saving the world, I forgot what I was saving it for.  I want this and I'm going to have it."  Buffy tried to shake off some of the seriousness of the last few minutes.  Her next sentence was laced with sarcasm.  "And don't worry.  I'm planning on making him pay for his past deeds.  The torture mileage I'll get out of it as his girlfriend is going to be so impressive.  Want your car washed, your apartment cleaned?  I think I know a vampire who will be more than willing to do that for you."

"Buffy, Spike doesn't have a conscience.  You are not going to make him feel guilty for trying to kill you.  Nor are you going to make him feel guilty about anything he has ever done or will do."  Xander just wasn't going to let it lay.  

Buffy answered Xander, saccharin dripping from her words.  "And again, Xander, when I hear an apology out of Anya's mouth, then you can start asking for an apology from Spike.  The past is the past.  I'm not even 20 years old.  Did you hear me say I've been dead twice?  One of the benefits of my occupation is the thrill in knowing the saying 'live hard, die young, leave a good looking corpse' is a reality.  I don't have the time to dwell on the past nor the luxury to think too far into the future.  I need to live in the now.  And right now, this is what I know:  Spike loves me.  Spike loves Dawn.  Dawn loves Spike.  I want to date Spike.  I'm going to date Spike.  That's it."

And for the first time, the Slayer's resolve face made an appearance.  "And if the chip goes blammo?  If the bad puppy is back to biting?"  Xander knew he was being a nag, but he needed an answer.

"Xander stop focusing on the chip, okay.  I'll go one better.  Whether the chip works or not, Spike hurts a human, I dust him.  Stake now, ask questions later."  Buffy meant what she had said.

"And you think you are prepared to do that?  The chip stops working, you're going to dust him.  We aren't going to have an Angel repeat performance with different casting."  Some days Xander was like a dog with a bone.

"You're not listening.  I don't care whether the chip works or not.  The chip could malfunction tomorrow.  As long as he doesn't hurt – read maim, kill destroy – a human, he gets to live."  Buffy couldn't put it any simpler than that.

It was apparent Xander was getting his second wind.  He was gearing up to let lose with the yelling again.  "So now you are expecting Spike to be honest about the chip?  It could stop working.  He could lie and say everything is fine.  Yeah for the good guys.  Still part of the team.  Then, wham, dead Slayer.  Buffy, you're putting your life at risk."  

"Xander, I put my life at risk every day.  It's what I do.  And news flash.  The chip doesn't work on me anyway.  Hasn't since I've come back.  Spike's had plenty of opportunities to kill me, but I'm still walking and breathing, so I think I'm okay on that front."  Buffy hadn't meant to tell them like that.  She was just sick of Xander circling around the same issue.

Xander jumped up, sending his chair flying backwards.  "What do you mean the chip doesn't work?  How long has it not worked?  See, I knew it.  Angel all over again.  Putting our lives at risk so that you can sleep with a vampire.  Willow, grab some stakes.  If Buffy doesn't have the stomach to do it, we'll have to dust Spike ourselves."

Buffy was in front of Xander, grabbing his arm before he could move two feet.  They were toe-to-toe, eye-to-eye.  She had had enough.  Her next words were spoken through clenched teeth.  "I didn't say the chip didn't work.  I said the chip doesn't work on me!  You all thought you did such a wonderful job bringing me back.  Yeah for you!  But you must have missed something in the translation.  I came back wrong.  The chip doesn't recognize me as human."  Buffy pushed Xander away form her.  He landed hard on the floor, staring up at Buffy with disbelief.  "I'm dealing with Spike.  If you lay a hand, or a stake, on him, because of something that all of you screwed up, I'll kill you myself.  He can't defend himself from you.  That hasn't changed.  You're still human."

Buffy's anger was all consuming.  She didn't even realize Willow had moved until she felt the witch's hand on her arm.  "Buffy, how… I mean, when…"  Willow couldn't finish the sentence.  She had lost Tara because of magik.  She had almost killed Dawn.  Now Buffy was telling her that she hadn't brought her back right.  

Buffy looked at Willow.  Her eyes softening a little at Willow's obvious confusion.  "Will, it's okay.  I didn't mean to tell you like that.  I'm sorry.  But I am glad it's out.  Maybe it's because you were interrupted.  Maybe it's because I wasn't meant to come back.  I don't know.  But I'm not as human as I used to be.  I'm dealing with it.  I've checked all the human stuff I can think of.  Body's in tact.  Feelings are there.  Think the soul's okay.  I'm not sure what it is, but whatever it is, it's causing me not to show up on Spike's radar."

Willow started to cry.  "Are you sure?  We should do some research.  Call Giles –"  A heart-wrenching sob escaped.  "Oh, God, Buffy!  I'm sorry!  I'm so sorry!"

Buffy hugged her best friend.  She wanted to get this all out in the open, right?  "Will, it's okay.  We can research it later.  I'm not that upset anymore.  Look, I wasn't normal to begin with, ya know?  The whole Chosen One thing?  This just adds another layer of freakiness to the woman that is Buffy Summers.  I'm not a demon.  It's nothing like that.  Don't think I'm immortal either.  Spike couldn't sense anything different about me.  He didn't know until we were fighting and he hit me.  When the chip didn't go off, he put two-and-two together."

Xander had finally gotten himself up off the floor.  "Maybe that's why you are attracted to Spike?  Maybe it's the not really human thing?  We could fix that."

Buffy let go of Willow, but kept one arm around her friend's shoulder.  There would be much ice cream consumed at the Summers' house tonight.  "Xander.  You know that I love both of you.  You two are more like my family than my friends.  I was hoping to keep some of the less than stellar details of the me/Spike thing to myself.  Obviously, that's not going to happen.  So, I'm going to tell you the nasty, disgusting, and some times perverse things that have been going on between me and the blonde beast."

Xander cringed, backing away from Buffy, arms flailing in the air.  "Am I old enough to hear this?  Will it give me nightmares?"  

Buffy laughed.  God, it felt so good to laugh.  "Probably, but you are going to listen anyway, because I know that Willow is going to listen.  And you will be totally out of the loop if you don't stick around."

Xander sat back down in his chair.  "Can I have a teddy bear?  I used to have a teddy bear that protected me at night when I was a little kid."  In an instant, Xander's complexion turned a sickly green.  "Wait!  No straddling, right?  I don't want to hear about the straddling!"

"I'll keep it PG, okay?"  Buffy shook her head.  Unbelievable.  He was unbelievable.  

"Later, can I hear the X-rated version?"  Willow was taking her seat next to Xander.  Most of her tears were gone and she had a happy, oh-possible-girly-talk expression on her face.  But Willow was always quick to recover.  

"As X-rated as it gets, I promise."  Where to begin, Buffy thought.  "I need support from you guys on this.  No hurt faces.  I don't want guilt.  I'm not blaming anyone.  This is just supporty friendship stuff."

"Sure, Buffy," Xander said.

"Always, Buff," Willow chimed in.

Buffy started to pace around the room, spilling the whole story as she went.  She told them about being mad at them for bringing her back, and Spike being the only one she felt she could talk to.  She told them about being comfortable around him when everyone else was making her skin crawl.  She told them about the kisses and how she initiated them all.  She told them about the demolished house, keeping the story clean for Xander's ears.  She told them about the stupid things Spike said.  And the hurtful things she said back.  She told them about the conversation when they were looking for Rack's place.  She told them about the garlic she hung in her room.  She told them about visiting Spike when she was invisible and the things he said.

Xander banged his hand on the tabletop.  "I knew he wasn't doing push-ups!"  Then he shrunk down back into his chair.  "Oh no, I just got the visual."

She told them everything.  "So that's it.  That's the whole sorted story.  The freakish courtship of Buffy and Spike.  He tells me he loves me.  I beat him into the ground with any and all hurtful things I can think of.  Going for the jugular.  If Spike thought about it, he'd be proud."

"So why the change in attitude, Buffy?  From what you've just described, it's not a relationship I'd think you'd want to pursue?"  Willow was looking intently at her friend.  What was going on with the Slayer?

"I'm not sure, Willow.  Through everything, Spike has never lied to me.  I lie to myself.  I lie to you guys.  I lie to Spike.  Well, I try to lie to Spike, but he never let's me.  He knew what I was doing.  He knew I was using him.  He knew I would never tell you guys what was going on.  And yet he stuck around.  Okay, it doesn't seem like much to the two of you, but with my track record, a guy who sticks around… it means something."

"When Angel left, he left because he wanted me to have a normal life, with a normal guy.  So he made the decision to leave.  Didn't ask my opinion.  He just left, for my own good.  But I'm not normal.  I'm the Slayer.  Nothing about my life is normal.  I've been dead twice.  Working on my third life.  And Riley.  Yeah, I guess he was as close to normal as I was going to get, but it wasn't there.  I was always holding back with him.  Both of you knew that.  But I just wasn't holding back for the reasons you guys thought I was holding back.  Riley really didn't want all of me.  He couldn't take it.  And we could argue it into the ground, but it's the truth.  He couldn't get over Angel.  He couldn't accept the fact that I was the Slayer.  He did a great job pretending.  But if he had a choice, he would have preferred a slayer-less Buffy, and you both know it.  But the Slayer is a part of who I am.  You can't have Buffy without having the Slayer.  He never got that.  And it wasn't just the emotional thing; I had to hold back physically too.  Willow, remember when he told me not to hold back during training, and I nearly sent him through the wall?  Cracked a couple of ribs?  That wasn't even at full strength, and I hurt him.  And to top it off, he leaves.  I know we had a conversation about it Xander, and you had some valid points, but maybe I WAS using Riley as the rebound guy.  Maybe I saw him as my last chance for 'normal'.  I loved him, but he wouldn't have lasted.  It wasn't the forever kind of thing."

"Now enters Spike.  We all know Spike's bad qualities, but just listen to the good.  With Spike, I get everything I've never had.  I get a guy who loves me enough to stick around even after I'm dead.  Someone who honors a promise he made even after the person he made it to is gone.  I get someone who loves me so much, I can't shake him even when I want to.  I keep kicking him, and he keeps coming back for more.  I get to be Buffy-Buffy when I want to be.  I get to be Slayer-Buffy when I want to be.  He loves both, equally.  I don't have to keep secrets from him about who I really am.  He patrols with me like a partner, not a protector.  He's the best training partner I've ever had, because he can get as good as he gives.  He keeps me sharp.  He leaves me in control of the relationship.  Things go as fast or as slow or as twisted as I take them.  He loves my sister.  Though he won't admit it, he likes my friends.  He never lies to me.  He tells me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not.  He treats me like a woman, not a girl.  He is willing to help when I have problems, but he doesn't try to fix them for me.  And from past experience, I know when he says he loves you, he means it.  Come on, Drusilla is as crazy as a loon and he stood by her for over a century.  As weird as it sounds, when I'm with him, I feel safe.  Who would be stupid enough to mess with a master vampire and a Slayer?  And when I'm not with him, I don't have to worry that he can't take care of himself if a little evil comes hopping by.  And to take a page from Anya's book, there's always the great sex factor."

Finally, Buffy took a breath.  She's hadn't looked at her friends since she started her tirade.  How were they going to react?  What would they say?    

"So you're saying you don't love Spike, but you want to be with Spike because you think he's the best you're going to get?"  God, Xander could be so thick!

Buffy sighed.  "No, I'm saying I don't know exactly what I feel for Spike, but I'd like to find out.  Hiding all of this from you guys hasn't done me any good.  I trap myself in a bad place in my mind.  So in the spirit of new and adventurous experiences, I'm going to date him, out in the open.  And I know the chances of it ending badly are high up on the scale.  I know in the end I may have to stake him.  But I want this, Xander.  I really want this."

Xander rubbed hard at his temple.  He had a bitch of a headache.  And he still knew, knew deep down this was heading toward disaster.  But Buffy had trusted them.  And he had to trust her.   "I don't have to be nice to him, do I?" 

Buffy almost cried with relief.  "No, you don't have to be nice to him.  You don't have to like him.  I'm asking you to support me, Buffy, your friend.  I'm not asking for anything else.  But, since he is the only other male you spend a great deal of time with, you might want to explore the friendship thing.  Will?  What's your take?"  One down, one to go, Buffy thought.

Willow looked pensive.  Buffy knew her friend wasn't going to speak until she had it all worked out in her head.  "Okay.  I can support you because you are Buffy, my friend.  Just like you said.  And you've been all Miss Supportive of me in my less than conventional relationships.  But I do need you to do two things for me.  One, I need you to tell Spike the whole hurt-a-human-get-an-instant-stake prize package in front of the group.  I don't want there to be any confusion, that way we all hear the same thing.  And he has to agree.  Two, I still want to research what happened during the spell to make you come back not human.  And if we find a way to change it, I'd like to pursue that option, even if it means your feelings for Spike might change."  

"Well, I was planning on number one anyway.  Number two is a little more complicated.  I'm all for research.  We are the research groupies.  But if you find something, you have to tell me about it first.  I don't want you performing a spell without the rest of us knowing what is going on.  And if we need to wait until you are stronger and more in control, then we wait.  Deal?"  Buffy stuck her hand out to Willow.

Willow shook Buffy's hand.  "Deal."  And the war was over.  "Now, what really happened when you were in the abandoned building?  And I've been thinking about the advantages of the not having to breathe thing…"

Xander groaned.  "Hello?  Still in the room.  No more visuals.  I have convinced myself that Buffy just beats up on Spike.  Nothing else happens.  I like my delusion.  Please don't ruin it with truth."

"Will, promise to tell you everything later at the house, but right now I have to go see a particular bleached-blond vampire.  He's never going to believe the news I've got for him."  Buffy ran out of the Magic Box, a smile on her face.

Willow stared at the doorway Buffy had just disappeared thru.  She tilted her head as a thought came to her.  "Xander, when was the last time you saw Buffy smile like that?"  

Xander grinned reluctantly.  Not of the good.  "Not in a long time, Will.  A very long time."

---TBC


	2. Dawn

Summary:       Buffy has come to some decisions about her relationship with Spike.  She's told Willow and Xander.  Now she just needs to tell Spike and Dawn.  But nothing is ever as easy as it seems in Sunnydale.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes 

**Chapter 2 - Dawn**

Buffy was humming a little tune as she made her way to Spike's crypt.  Things had gone better with Xander and Willow than she had expected.  There was no blood; that was always a plus.  She was happy things were out in the open.  One less worry.  Now she could direct her attention to the important stuff, like finding a job, keeping Social Services off her back, helping Willow with her recovery and finding a way to defeat Rack.  Just another day in then life of a Slayer.

But how was she going to tell him?  "Spike, I've confessed the whole sorted deal to my friends.  We are officially a couple."  No, that wouldn't do.  Maybe she shouldn't tell him at all.  Maybe she should just wait until the next Scoobie meeting, then she could kiss him in front of everyone.  Sort of a surprise.  The thought made Buffy giggle.  No, he would be dust on the spot.  The shock would kill him, if that were possible.  Well, I just tell him straight out, she thought.

Buffy paused for a moment at the door to Spike's crypt.  She was nervous.  What if didn't react like she wanted him too?  What if he bailed on her now that they didn't have to hide from everyone?  Maybe his attraction to her was in the fact that they had to hide.  The naughty little secret they shared.

"Pa-lease!" a voice said in Buffy's head.  "After all that he's said to you about how he hates sneaking around.  He'll maul you in public every opportunity he gets.  If nothing else, he'll do it to irritate Xander."

Buffy took a deep breath.  Now or never.  She swung open the door to Spike's crypt.

"Spike?  Spike, I need to talk to you."  Buffy walked into the room.  She had expected to find him sitting on the couch watching TV.  After all, it was almost time for Passions to start.  But, there was no Spike to be found.  Probably still sleeping.

She shimmied down the ladder that lead to the lower floor.  "Spike, wake up.  I've got big news."  Buffy looked towards the bed as her feet touched the ground.  Still no Spike.  She walked to the middle of the room.  It was 2 o'clock on a Saturday.  Where could he be?  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Get out!  Get out and don't come back!  You're not my friend!  You were never my friend!  Why don't you leave?!  Just leave and never bother us again!"  Dawn was screaming at Spike.  He had never seen her this angry.  But she was right.  Everything she had said had been the truth.  It was his fault.  All of it was his fault.  Maybe they would be better off if he left.

Spike grabbed his blanket off the couch, covering his head as he walked out the door into the afternoon sun.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy stared around the empty crypt once more before walking out.  Definitely no Spike.  Well, she probably should go home anyway.  It would be better if she told Dawn what was going on.  Maybe Dawn could help her think of a way to tell Spike.  

Buffy knew Dawn had a soft spot for the blond vampire.  He had come to mean so much to her while Buffy was gone.  He had helped Dawn through her grief.  He had protected her, spent time with her.  Buffy felt a twinge of regret.  Over the past couple of months, Spike hadn't been able to spend as much time with Dawn as he usually did.  Buffy not wanting him around the house because she was angry and confused had put an effective stop to Spike and Dawn's friendship.  But now that Buffy and Spike were together, he could spend more time with Dawn.  Maybe even stay over sometimes.  Buffy smiled.  The three of them could have a date!  Watch videos, order pizza, and this time Spike wouldn't have to leave.  

Buffy was contemplating the thought of finally having Spike in her bed for an entire night as she walked through the front door of the house.  

"Dawn, I'm home."  Buffy went to the kitchen, opening the door of the frig.  Ew!  She desperately needed to go to the grocery store.  Nothing left to eat but cottage cheese and apples that had seen better days.  She grabbed the orange juice before shutting the door.  That's when she saw the note.  

'Buffy – Janice and I went to the mall.  Be home before 6. – Dawn'

Great, now her sister was missing in action too.  Why was it whenever she had wonderful news, no one was around to hear it?  Buffy poured herself a glass of juice.  Well, she might as well start on the grocery list.  She'd call Xander at the Magic Box, bum a ride to the store.  Hopefully, he needed to pick up a few things too.  And they should swing by Willy's.  Buffy wanted to pick up a few packets of blood for her boyfriend.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Thanks for the ride, Xan.  I appreciate it," Buffy said as her and Xander carried the groceries into the house.  

"No problem, Buffster."  How could three small women eat this much food?  "Always happy to help out a friend in need of transportation.  But, you know, you do have a perfectly good SUV parked in the garage.  I could teach you how to drive it, if you want."  Although he didn't mind playing taxi service, Xander did wish someone else in the group would learn to drive.  

"I've been thinking about that myself.  Monday morning after I get Dawn off to school, I'm going down to the Sunnydale DMV.  I called last week.  They offer a driver's ed class.  I'm going to sign-up."  Buffy thought it was a good first step toward the semi-normal life she wanted to start exploring.  "It would be embarrassing if Dawn learned how to drive before I did."

Xander placed the last grocery bag on the counter in the Summers' kitchen.  "That's a great idea, Buff.  Maybe you could talk Willow and Anya into taking it with you.  Team effort and all."  

"I think you are sick of driving all of us around town.  Not that I blame you.  Can't picture you as a chauffer.  Although I'm sure you'd look adorable in one of those cute hats."  Buffy smiled at Xander.

"Oh, God.  Don't even mention that to Anya.  Next thing I know, she'll be wanting to ride in the back seat and she'll start calling be James or something."  Xander shuddered at the thought.

"Don't mention what to Anya."  Dawn strolled into the kitchen.  She took a seat at the counter.  

"Nothing important.  Just torturing Xander.  How was the mall?"  Buffy was putting away the groceries as she talked to her little sister.

"You know, the mall.  So, what did you buy?" Dawn said trying to change the subject.  Her and Janice had almost gotten caught lifting a pair of earrings from a department store.  She couldn't look her sister in the eye.  She knew that Buffy would know something was wrong.  But then again, Buffy hadn't paid attention to Dawn in weeks.  Why would she start now?

"The basics.  Milk, bread, eggs, chocolate."

"Blood?"  Dawn had started snoopy through the bags, coming across the one from Willy's.  "Since when do we need to keep a full supply of blood in the house?"

"Gotta go!"  Xander jumped up from his seat.  "Anya's waiting for me back at the shop."  Xander had already heard the Spike speech.  He didn't want to hear it again.  Especially if Dawn got all 'that's great' and 'I'm so happy.'  "I'll see you both tomorrow."  

"Bye, Xander.  And thanks again."  Buffy turned toward her sister as soon as Xander walked out the back door.  "Dawn, I've got something to tell you.  Something I think you're going to like."

Dawn raised one eyebrow as she waited for her sister to continue.

Buffy could feel the heat rising; she was starting to blush.  Why had it been easier to tell Willow and Xander?  "I, uh, I came to a decision.  I know how much you like Spike –"  Dawn cringed.  " – and I know how helpful he was while I was gone.  You sort of bonded with him.  So, I hope you'll be happy about the news."  Buffy looked up at her sister.  Dawn had a strange look on her face, but Buffy continued.  "Things have happened over the past couple of months, and although I'm not going to tell you the details, let's just say that they've been good things.  Sort of.  Spike's been here for me since I came back.  And, well, we sort of built a friendship around that being-here-thing."

Oh no, thought Dawn.  If this was going where I think this is going…

"Anyway, the friendship thing has sort of grown too."  Buffy hesitated.  "I'm not saying this right, so I'm just going to come out with it.  Look, Spike and I are dating, okay?"

The last thing Buffy expected was for her little sister to faint, but that's exactly what happened.  Dawn almost hit the floor before Buffy could catch her.  "Dawn?  Dawn?  Dawnie, wake up!  Come on Dawn.  This isn't funny."

Buffy carried her sister into the living room, laying her on the couch.  She knelt down next to Dawn, smoothing the hair back from her forehead.  What had just happened?

"Buffy?"  Dawn was regaining consciousness.  "Buffy, did I faint?"  Dawn was a little out of it.

"Yeah, you fainted.  Scared the hell out of me.  I didn't think it would be that much of a shock.  Are you okay?"  Buffy looked into her sister's eyes.  She was worried about her.

Dawn looked back at her.  How was she going to tell her?  Buffy finally admitted she had feelings for Spike on the same day Dawn had run him out of town.  This was NOT going to be a good conversation.

"Uh, Buffy.  Have you seen Spike today?"  Dawn wasn't sure how much Buffy knew.  It couldn't be that much, or she wouldn't be looking so concerned.

"No, actually.  I went by his crypt this afternoon, but he wasn't there.  Why?"  Buffy questioned her sister.

Dawn pushed herself into a sitting position on the couch.  "Well, he stopped by earlier.  We were talking.  I was a little mad.  I think I said something to upset him."  Fright briefly passed over Dawn's face.

"Dawn, I'm sure that whatever it was, Spike won't hold it against you.  He loves you.  You're like, his best friend."  Buffy couldn't understand what had Dawn so worried.  It was Spike.  She'd apologize and everything would be fine.

"Buffy, you don't know what I said."

Dawn repeated the conversation back to Buffy, word for word.  In a few minutes a scream could be heard echoing down Revello Dr.  It was the sound of the Slayer yelling at her little sister.

"YOU SAID WHAT!"

---TBC


	3. Spike's Farewell

Summary:       Buffy has come to some decisions about her relationship with Spike.  But Dawn may have ended the relationship before it had a chance to start.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes 

**Chapter 3 – Spike's Farewell**

Everyone was seated around the research table at the Magic Box.  It was an all-Scoobie meeting.  Buffy had even called Tara to join.  She had told Tara about her dating Spike.  Tara was honestly happy for Buffy.  She liked Spike.  She knew what he was, but he had helped her once, with her family, when she thought she was a demon.  Tara never forgot that.  And Buffy knew she would want to be a part of this.  No matter what was going on, or not going on, between Tara and Willow, she thought Tara had a right to know.  Together Buffy and Dawn had told everyone about the conversation that had taken place earlier that day.  

"She said what!"  Willow couldn't believe what Buffy had just told them.

"Dawn, I understand you were mad, but how could you?"  Tara just looked at the girl she thought of like a sister.  How could she have used Spike's worst fears against him?

Dawn was still crying.  Hadn't really stopped since explaining this to her sister earlier.  "I'm sorry.  I was angry.  Both Buffy and Spike have been ignoring me for weeks.  Then the thing with Willow."  Dawn cast on eye in the witch's direction.  "And then coming home to find Buffy invisible.  I just snapped.  Unfortunately, Spike happened to be the one around when I exploded."  

"Has anyone checked Spike's crypt?"  Anya looked at the others.  "We are kind of taking it on faith he's not there.  Maybe he's watching TV.  Or maybe he's at Willy's getting drunk.  He does that sometimes when he's upset.  I think your boyfriend may be an alcoholic, Buffy."  Leave it to Anya to state the obvious.  

"You know, I was so upset, I never did go check his crypt.  Xander could you…"  Buffy didn't even finish the sentence before Xander was up and out of his chair.

"On my way.  If he's not there, I'll check Willy's."  Xander wasn't Spike's number one fan, but Dawn had been a bit harsh.  Even he felt sorry for the guy.

"No, if he's not at the crypt, just come back.  I don't want you going to Willy's by yourself."  Buffy was thankful for the help, but putting himself in danger was not what Buffy wanted Xander to do.

"Sure.  No Willy's.  Be back in a flash."  With that, Xander was out the door.

Buffy turned her attention back to her sister.  "Now Dawn, start again from the beginning."

Dawn shifted uncomfortably in her chair.  She did NOT want to go through this again.  Wasn't twice enough?  "Spike came into the house.  I was happy at first.  I thought he was there to see me, check up on the arm and all.  Then he asked if Buffy was there.  I said no, her and Willow had gone to the shop because Buffy had something to talk to Willow and Xander about.  Something that she didn't want me to hear.  Spike tried to tell me it was probably something that involved Rack and you guys didn't want me to worry.  Then I got mad.  I said I wasn't a kid and I had a right to know if something was going on.  That I had earned that right when I got hurt.  Spike said Buffy was just trying to protect me.  That's when I started to lose it.  I told him everyone was doing a bang-up job trying to protect me.  That if Buffy hadn't been preoccupied she would have seen what was going on with Willow before any of this had happened.  And if she had been at the house that night, I wouldn't have gone out with Willow and I wouldn't be hurt.  He muttered something about patrolling, and I said more like spending time with him.  And why was Buffy spending so much time with him anyway.  He looked at me funny, didn't have an answer.  I was so angry, I just got mean."  

Dawn hated the last part of the conversation with Spike.  New tears rolled down her face as she continued.  "I said I didn't know why he was wasting his time hanging around Buffy.  She didn't love him , never could.  He was just another vampire.  Probably the only reason Buffy hadn't staked him yet was that she felt sorry for him.  Then he said he loved Buffy, that's all that mattered.  Then I said ya, you loved her so much you let her die.  All you had to do was stop Doc from cutting me and you couldn't even do that.  I told him he was the reason Buffy had to die, because he was too weak.  I knew he was hurt.  He said he had tried to protect me.  He had made a promise.  I said I didn't need his protection.  Look where his protection had gotten me, pointing to my cast.  I said if it weren't for him, Buffy would be spending more time with me and her friends.  She wouldn't be distracted.  She would have seen what was going on with Willow.  She would have adjusted to being back by now, but he was holding her to her grave.  I told him he wasn't my friend, that he was never my friend.  That he was using me to get to Buffy, but it wasn't going to work.  I told him he was nothing.  That the only man Buffy had ever really loved was Angel, and if Angel had been there that night, he would have saved me.  I just screamed at Spike it was his fault Buffy had died, and that no matter what he did he couldn't change that.  Then I told him to leave.  That we would all be better off if he just left town.  I told him to get out and never come back."  Dawn turned, burying her head in Buffy's shoulder.  She couldn't believe that she had said those things to Spike.  She couldn't believe that he was really gone.  

"Dawn, it's all right.  It's going to be all right."  Buffy ran her hand down her sister's back trying to comfort her.  She wasn't mad at Dawn anymore.  She was mad at herself.  She had let things get way out of control.  Part of what Dawn had said was true.  If Buffy hadn't been so preoccupied trying to fight what was going on between her and Spike, maybe none of this would have happened.

"What I don't understand is why you think Spike really left?"  Willow directed her question at Buffy.  "Buffy, you tell him stuff like that all the time.  Not the your-the-reason-I-died-part, but the leave-now-go-away part.  Why do you think he'd listened to Dawn if he doesn't listen to you?"

"Because Dawn is his friend, Will," Buffy said.  "And she hit a nerve.  All summer he was blaming himself for my death.  He watched over her and you guys because he made a promise to me.  Now his best friend, hell, his only real friend, tells him he was right.  That she blames him too for me dying.  Then she tells him he couldn't even keep the promise he made to the woman he killed.  I know Spike well enough to know that would do him in.  He loves me, but he holds a special place for Dawn that even I can't touch.  He'd believe her.  And she told him to go, he'd go."

"I think you're right, Buffy," Tara said.  "While you were gone, I had a couple of conversations with Spike.  He did blame himself for what happened.  I know a vampire isn't supposed to feel guilty, but he did.  I think that he stuck around trying to make amends for what happened.  And I know that he loves Dawnie too."  

Just then Xander walked back into the Magic Box.  Dawn's head came up from Buffy's shoulders.  She was sure that Spike would be standing behind him.  But he wasn't.

Anya rose from her seat, walking over to give Xander a hug.  "That was quick.  Did you find anything, honey?" 

Xander looked over Anya's head, staring straight into Buffy's eyes.  "Wasn't anything to find.  Crypt's empty.  All his clothes are gone.  His books, his videos, his records.  Even took the sheets off the bed.  Looked around for the Desoto, but nothing.  I did find his motorcycle.  He left a note on it.  He gave it to me.  There was also this."  Xander closed the distant between himself and Buffy.  

When he had first come in, she hadn't noticed the box he carried.  Now Xander laid it on the table in front of her.  There was an envelope taped to the top with the word 'Slayer' scrawled on it.  She knew it was goodbye.  Slowly, Buffy lifted the lid of the box.  Inside was Spike's duster.  Buffy quickly closed the lid.  She didn't want to handle the coat she knew would smell of tobacco, vampire, sweat and blood.  That smelled like him.  Instead she opened the envelope, taking out the one sheet of paper inside.  She decided to read the letter aloud.  After all, what secrets did she have from her friends now?  

_Buffy, _

_I know I promised to protect the Nibblet.  I'm sorry I wasn't man enough to keep that promise.  But, then again, you always told me I wasn't a man.  The Bit made me realize I am what's holding you back.  I'm the reason you are where you are right now.  I tried to deny that, but I can't any longer.  _

_I love you.  I know you don't love me, never will.  I also know my love means nothing to you, much the same way as I mean nothing to you.  And you are right.  I am a soulless monster, a convenience, a stone around your neck.  Without me muddling up the mix, you will be able to concentrate on more important things, like keeping Dawn safe._

_Although I know that my promises are never well received, I make a vow to you now.  I will never come for you or yours.  With or without the chip, you are all safe.  I am no longer a threat to you._

_And tell the Nibblet I'm sorry.  For everything.  She means the world to me.  I never meant to hurt her._

_I ask one favor from you, even though I don't deserve it.  Please pass the following messages on to the Scoobies:_

_Giles:  I respect you more than any man I have ever known.  You who fight demons of the world's creation and of your own.  A stronger soul has never existed.  Protect her like a father, for you are more her father than the man who shares her blood._

_Willow:  Your true power lies in love, not in magic. Your strength comes from those around you.   Thank you for bringing my soul back to this world.  Protect her with your love and be her friend._

_Tara:  Always special.  Always human.  Always able to see past the demon to the man.  I may miss you most of all.  Protect her from the Slayer, never let her lose sight of her humanity.  _

_Anya:  You keep them grounded in this world.  It isn't all about apocalypses, or death, or destruction.  Sometimes the world is about planning weddings, and making money, and living the day to day.  Protect her by teaching her about that world._

_Xander:  Your devotion is a reminder of a time long forgotten.  The loyalty of a valiant knight fighting for the queen's honor.  Protect her heart with your suspicions of those that act as friends but would cause her harm._

_I will miss you all._

_William._

Buffy looked up from the page.  And they thought he was a bloody awful poet?  With eyes run over with tears, she looked at her friends, her sister.  

Dawn's voice was almost a whisper.  "Buffy, what do we do now?"  She was looking at her sister, needing an answer, a direction.

Buffy wiped the tears from her face.  "We don't do anything, Dawnie.  He's gone.  We continue on.  That's life."  She understood that now, more than she ever did before.  People leave.  Whether the just leave town or die, they leave.  And life goes on.  

"But we have to go after him, find him.  I need to apologize."  Dawn grabbed at Buffy's arms.  "You need to bring him back!"  She was almost hysterical.

Buffy took Dawn by the shoulders, shaking her a little.  "And where would you like me to start looking?  It's almost 8 o'clock.  He has close to a six-hour lead on us.  I don't know what direction he went in or where he was heading.  Dawnie, I can't find him for you.  I'm sorry you can't apologize.  Maybe he'll call or write.  Maybe someday he'll come back.  But there is nothing I can do.  You made a mistake I can't fix.  You want to be treated like a grown-up?  Well here's your first lesson: You have to live with the consequences of your actions.  Spike's gone."  Buffy let go of her little sister.  She knew she was rough, probably too rough on her, but she couldn't help it.  

"God, Buf, calm down.  The girl made a mistake.  Easy up a little."  Xander was still standing next to her.  He put his hand on Dawn's shoulder, trying to offer her comfort.

"And what do you want me to say, Xander?  I can't do anything.  He's gone.  Nothing is going to change that.  Maybe he's right.  Maybe things will be easier if he's not here.  I can concentrate on getting my life together."  Buffy was on the edge of depression.  She knew it.  If she didn't put the wall back up, everything would come crashing down.   

"Maybe we could perform a locator spell?"  Tara looked at Willow for agreement.  "Willow and I. We could try it.  We could use his duster as a focal point.  Maybe we can find him."

"No.  No."  Buffy stood up, shaking her head.  "Spike doesn't want to be found.  If he did, he wouldn't have written that letter.  He never would have said those things if he thought he was coming back here.  He never would have appeared that vulnerable to us.  And I'm not going to ask Willow, who is trying to stay away from magik, to use it to find him.  The subject is closed."  

Willow also stood.  She leaned over the table, trying to take Buffy's hand.  "But, Buffy, we can help…"

Buffy pushed the offered hand away.  "NO!  He's GONE!  Just leave it alone, Willow.  It's better this way.  We have more important things to think about right now."  Buffy didn't want this conversation to continue.  It was over.  All the time and energy she had spent.  All the fighting, all the soul-searching.  Worrying how her confession would affect her friends.  If she had just waited one more day, none of them would be looking at her like this.  None of them would know what she lost.  "Come on, Dawn.  Let's go home.  It's getting late."  

Dawn got up from the table, still crying.  She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do.  She turned to the Scoobies, getting hugs from each of them, reassuring words whispered into her ears.  She slowly followed Buffy out the door.

They were half way down the block when Xander stopped them.  "Buffy, wait.  You forgot this!"  

Buffy turned around to see Xander carrying the box that held Spike's duster.  She took it from him, murmuring her thanks.  Her and Dawn continued their walk home.    

---TBC  


	4. Being A GrownUp

Summary:       Spike has been gone for 4 months.  Buffy has moved on with her life.  But what kind of life is she living?    

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 4 - Being A Grown-Up 

Buffy turned her head to look at the clock.  4:28AM.  4:28 in the morning and she was no closer to sleep then she had been at midnight.  Buffy hated insomnia.  Of course, sleeping wasn't something she looked forward to either.  When she slept, she dreamt.  Dreamt of HIM.

Buffy rolled over onto her stomach, grabbing her pillow, pushing it under her chin.  What was she supposed to do now?

Looking back on it, she knew the first night had been the worst.  Her and Dawn had walked in silence as they made their way back home.  And the silence continued for the rest of the night.  They'd avoided each other.  Neither wanting to see her own tears reflected in her sister's eyes.  They'd picked at the food on their plates during dinner.  Soon after Dawn had gone to bed without a word.  Buffy had sat on the couch, the television on, but not watching it.  Just thinking how screwed up her life was.  She debated about going on patrol, but her heart wasn't in it.  Willow had come home to find Buffy staring into space.  She hadn't bothered her best friend, knowing she was dealing with too much right now to talk.   

Sometime after midnight, Buffy had decided she could think just as well lying in bed as sitting on the couch.  She walked around the house, turning off lights, still lost in thought.  It wasn't until she took the last step upstairs that she heard the crying coming from Dawn's room.  Slowly, Buffy had walked over, opening the door.  She found Dawn curled in the fetal position, face pushed into the mattress, trying to muffle her sobs.  Buffy's heart broke.  Yeah, she was confused, but her sister was hurting too.  Dawn felt guilty and Buffy hadn't helped lessen that guilt.  

Buffy had walked back downstairs and grabbed the box Xander had given her.  She made her way back to Dawn's room.  She opened the door wider, letting in light from the hall.  Dawn had turned to look at her, eyes puffy from crying for hours.  Buffy pulled Spike's duster from the box.  She crossed the small room to stand in front of Dawn's bed, just looking at her sister for a few moments.  Dawn was really the only thing keeping Buffy tied to this earth.  She was her family.  Buffy laid down next to her sister, pulling Spike's duster over the two of them like a blanket.  Dawn had turned to her sister, finding comfort in her presence.  

"I feel so lost, Buffy.  I miss him.  He was my friend."  Dawn's words were barely above a whisper.

"IS your friend, Dawn.  Spike is your friend.  What happened doesn't change that.  And I miss him too."  Buffy knew they needed to share this pain.  The same pain they had shared when their mother had died.  The same pain Spike and Dawn had shared when Buffy had died.  The pain of loss.  Neither one slept much that night.  They cried, clutching the duster tight around them for protection.

During the night, Buffy had made some hard decision.  With or without the blond vampire, she was going to make a life for herself and her sister.  She wasn't going to let Spike's disappearance be another reason for either of them to shut themselves off from the world.  As Scarlet had said, "Tomorrow is another day."  Buffy knew in the morning their new life would begin.  Again.

And it had.  Buffy had called Giles, telling him about her feelings for Spike, about the fight between Spike and Dawn, and about his leaving.  She had read him the letter, just like she had read it to all the others.  She honored Spike's request.  She knew she had bombarded Giles with too much information, but she needed to close the chapter.  She needed to move on.  Giles had been supportive.  He told Buffy he was sorry.  Although he wasn't fond of the vampire, he knew he had helped all of them while Buffy was gone.  He told her he thought Spike was serious about his vow; he wouldn't be back to harm them.  

Although Giles didn't say it, he was fascinated by Spike's appraisal of his character.  He didn't have a clue as to why, but he promised himself he would live up to Spike's expectations.  He would always be there for his girls.  Spike was right; Giles was more their father than the man who had left them years ago.

The Slayer and her Watcher talked about other things.  Since he was in England, Buffy asked Giles to act as her go-between with the Watcher's Council.  Technically, their Slayer was in jail.  Buffy was doing a job she no longer had the responsibility to do.  If they wanted her to continue living on the Hellmouth, the Council was going to start paying her.  She wanted the same treatment as a Watcher: a paycheck, dental and medical coverage, and life insurance to take care of Dawn when she did die again.  They could also pay her school tuition.  If they didn't like it, she would pack up and move somewhere where they would never find her.  They could deal with the vampires and the demons and the apocalypses on their own.  She wanted an answer in 30 days.

Giles agreed with Buffy's assessment of the situation.  He wasn't sure of the reception he was going to receive when he presented her list of demands, but after the standoff last year over Glory, he was sure they would take her threats seriously.  

Buffy also asked Giles to send her any and all research he could find about The Key; it's origins, it's power.  She knew there had to be more information out there than what they had found last spring.  The mystical energy that made up The Key was too powerful for it to only have one purpose.  She wanted to know everything.  And she wanted to pass the knowledge on to Dawn.  She felt her sister had a right to know.

Again, Giles had agreed.  He was somewhat ashamed he hadn't thought of it himself.  But with Buffy's death and resurrection, the source and mystical force of The Key had been the farthest thing from his mind.

After hanging up the phone with Giles, Buffy asked Dawn and Willow to help her with her next task.  Together they waded through the bills and the paperwork Buffy had neglected for months.  They went through the mortgage, the utility bills, and the hospital bills associated with Joyce's surgery and death.  They looked through the paperwork the lawyer and Social Services had sent regarding Buffy's guardianship of Dawn.  When they didn't understand something, they made a note to come back to it later.  They worked on a household budget.  Buffy checked the bank statement.  By her calculations, they had enough money to keep them a float for two more months.  If the Watcher's Council agreed to her terms, things would work.  If they didn't, they would sell the house, giving the sisters enough money to relocate.

Once the paperwork was cleaned up, Buffy started a list of things she needed to accomplish in the following few days, then in the following few weeks, then in the following few months.  She hadn't been the best student, but she was the Slayer.  This was just another problem she needed to attack, but first she needed a plan of action.  On Monday, she would sign-up for a driving class at the DMV.  She would make appointments to talk to all of Dawn's teachers.  She wanted to be brought up to speed on how Dawn was doing in school.  Then she would go to Social Services to meet her new caseworker.  Better to be on the offensive then the defensive.

The subsequent weeks were a revelation to Buffy.  She didn't realize how much her mother had juggled to be a single parent.  Some days, Buffy felt she would drown under budgets and schedules and responsibilities, but she knew she was holding her own.  

Her new caseworker, Jeremy, at Social Services was a great help.  He was willing to give Buffy a little slack as long as he saw some progress, starting with Dawn's school attendance and grades.  On the job front, Buffy told him she was waiting to hear from a British firm that had a position open in Sunnydale.  She told Jeremy they were negotiating terms.  (Anya had been a great help coaching her with business terminology.)  When Jeremy asked about the job, Buffy told him it involved research of mystical phenomenon in the area.  Having lived in Sunnydale all his life, and knowing the weird things that occurred that no one dared talk about, Jeremy hadn't pressed the issue further.    

Buffy also learned to balance her slaying duties with her real life duties.  She no longer assumed her friends would cover patrol or watch Dawn when Buffy was patrolling.  She scaled back her nights out, not going on patrol every night.  She learned how to research, something she had always avoided.  Buffy actually had been the one to discover the way to defeat Rack and help Willow control her new heightened magical powers.  The answers had been there, lying between the pages of a book.  Who would have guessed? 

Buffy made sure she spent time with Dawn.  She listened to her sister talk about school, boys, her friends and being The Key.  Anything and everything that came to Dawn's mind.  Buffy helped her work out her feelings concerning Spike's absence.  Buffy tried to be a more supportive friend to Willow and Xander.  She helped Anya with the wedding and the un-wedding when the two decided to wait.  

Even the Watcher's Council fell in line with Buffy's new life-plan.  On the thirtieth day, Giles called.  The Council had agreed to pay Buffy for her services.  They weren't happy about the arrangement, but it would be done.  Giles had managed to negotiate a decent salary for her.  It would be enough to pay the bills, have some extra for fun stuff and start a college fund for Dawn.  He told her the contracts would be sent overnight.  She would see her first paycheck in two weeks.  She would be given a contact at the Council who would help with any insurance issues and to whom she could send her university bills.  

Life settled into a predictable pace.  Then, one Saturday, Buffy received a call from department store security at the mall.  Dawn had been caught shoplifting.  Buffy couldn't believe it.  After everything they had been through, Dawn would pull a stunt like that.  Buffy had gone down to the store.  The head of security explained to her they had been watching Dawn and her friend for weeks.  Although they couldn't prove it, they suspected her of stealing other items.  Since this was her first offense and since she was underage, they weren't going to call the police, but Dawn was banned from the store.     

Buffy hadn't talked to Dawn the entire ride home.  She was furious.  Once they walked into the house, Buffy let her anger go.  What was Dawn thinking?  And how long had this been going on?  Under the eye of the Slayer, Dawn cracked.  She told Buffy how she had started taking things right after their mom had died.  

That Monday, Buffy went to talk to Jeremy.  She debated all day Sunday whether it was the correct course of action, but she wanted to be honest with the caseworker.  If something like this were to happen again, and Jeremy found out Buffy and Dawn hadn't told him, she knew it would only cause more problems.  Jeremy had patiently listened to Buffy.  He told her had this happened two months ago, it would have jeopardized Buffy's guardianship.  But Jeremy had seen a vast improvement in Dawn and in Buffy.  He wanted Dawn to see a therapist.  Since the stealing had started after Joyce's death, he suspected Dawn had unresolved issues she needed to work out.  Maybe talking to an outside party would help.  

Dawn had wanted nothing to do with the therapist, but Buffy had told her she had no choice.  She was going.  Jeremy was giving them another chance to stay together.  Reluctantly, Dawn agreed.  As her therapy sessions progressed, Dawn found it helpful to talk to someone who wasn't a part of her life.  She talked in code when referring to Buffy's slayer duties.  But it was for the good.    

There was only one thing that didn't fit into the cozy little life Buffy had created – the gaping whole in her heart.  Xander, of all people, was the first to bring up the subject of Spike.  For his trouble, he received an icy cold stare from the Slayer.  She told him in no uncertain terms that that name was not to be mentioned in her presences again.  The past was in the past, dead and buried.  He might as well be dust for all she cared.  

But Buffy did care.  She could stop her friends from bringing up the subject, but when she was alone, she couldn't stop herself from thinking about him, wondering where he was, what he was doing.  Nighttime was the worst.  After the first few months, when her mind wasn't constantly filled with the images of unpaid bills and her mountain of responsibilities, it started to fill with images of him.  

Sometimes it was images of the two of them patrolling together.  Sometimes it was of the two of them fighting.  She dreamt of him before the chip.  She dreamt of him after the chip.  She dreamt about the quite conversations they had on her back porch steps, and the loud arguments they had in back alleys.    Mostly she just saw his face, his crooked smile, and his arching eyebrow.  Sometimes she would see him as he was the first night they were together in the abandoned house.  His look of total surprise and complete worship.  Spike's face would be looming over her, their lips almost touching before a kiss.  He would say I love you; I'll never leave you.  Then she would wake up clutching a pillow to her chest, grabbing across the sheets for a man who wasn't there.  

So what was she supposed to do now?  She had made a life for herself and Dawn.  She had a steady paycheck; she was keeping up on the bills.  She even went out on a few dates.  Nothing serious.  Guys she met at school or guys Xander knew from work.  But no one she felt she could talk to.  No one who could understand a Slayer's life.  She went to the movies, dinner, the Bronze with her friends, but it wasn't the same.  If this was the 'normal' life that Angel had wanted her to have, he could take it back.  What fun was normal?  Where was the passion?  The energy?  Spike had driven her crazy, but it was a good kind of crazy.

Buffy looked at the clock again and groaned.  Almost 7:00AM.  She might as well get up to start the day.  Another boring day in Sunnydale.  Since when had it become okay to use the words boring and Sunnydale in the same sentence?     

---TBC


	5. A Letter From A Friend

Summary:       A few months later.  Spike's still keeping tabs on the Scoobies.  He's just getting his information from an unlikely source.       

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 5 - A Letter From a Friend 

_Slayer,_

_Sorry I haven't written in a couple of weeks.  Things have been hectic around here.  They finished working on the apartment over the bar, so I was able to move out of the rattrap where I was staying.  You should see it.  All black paint and chrome.  Just my style.  I took your suggestion.  Had them place a mirror over the bed.  Although what I need with a mirror, I'm not quite sure.  _

_I think you'll like New Orleans.  Especially the men.  And I know they'll like you.  When you get out, there's a job waiting for you at Slayers, just like I said before.  Truth be told, I could use you now.  And not as a bouncer, but thanks for the suggestion.  A comely wench behind the bar never hurt business.  Don't know how the clientele will take to a namesake at the taps, but who bloody well cares.  It's my place, my rules.  _

_Thanks for the Sunnyhell update.  I'm sure it would stop Peaches dead, or undead, in his tracks if he knew you were passing the information to me.  I'm glad the Nibblet's getting along better.  She was right.  Me leaving town was the best thing that could have happened to all of them.  Am sorry I missed the blow-up at the whelp's wedding.  Would have loved to rub that fiasco in his face.  _

_Ran across Dru and her new beau last week.  Must have latched on to the stupidest fledgling she could find.  She was talking in riddles as usual.  One of these days someone will explain to me why I stayed with the loon as long as I did.  Can't say I don't still love her, somewhere deep down.  I mean, we spent most of our unlives together, but she's nutty as a fruitcake.  I guess I've grown partial to a bit of sanity in my women.  Once she realized I wasn't jealous and I wasn't going to kill her boyfriend, they skipped town.  _

_So, the prison psychologist still trying to understand your fixation with demons and vampires?  Love to see his face if he met up with one of us in a dark alley.  Might change his tune.  At least for the last few minutes he lived._

_Sun's going down.  Better run downstairs to open the bar.  Keep a level head about you.  Play nice with the other inmates._

_Spike     _

Faith finished reading the letter.  Who woulda thought?  A jailed Slayer and a chipped vampire – friends.  She looked around the walls of her cell and for the first time saw beyond them.  A future, even if it was in a bar in Louisiana, was better than no future at all.  Oh, Angel could always use her at the hotel, but going back to a Slayer's life wasn't something she thought she'd ever be able to do.  

Faith laughed as she thought of the expression on Angel's face when she told him what she WAS going to do.  Or maybe, she'd just disappear.  She hated keeping secrets from Angel.  He was the only person who never gave up on her, but she had made a promise to Spike.  And why she felt she needed to keep a promise to a vampire she'd only met once, and while she was in Buffy's body, she wasn't quite sure.  

Maybe because, like herself, he was trying to change.  Trying to improve who he was and how he lived.  He was as much an outsider in the world as she was.  Yeah, she'd always be indebted to Angel, but she felt a connection to Spike she couldn't explain.  Two semi-reformed murders.  What a pair they would make!  Maybe she should've slept with him when she was in Buffy's body.  She would trade her night with Riley for a night with Spike any day.  B didn't know a good thing when she had it.

Faith grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen from the desk in her cell.

_Chip,_

Tell me more about the men in New Orleans…   

TBC


	6. Your Worst Nightmare

Summary:       6 months.  Spike's pub is doing great business, expect for the goody-goodies.  Buffy is having nightmares.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 6 - You're Worst Nightmare 

Spike looked around the pub and was proud.  The place was packed.  Humans and demons a like, getting piss drunk.  Even for a Saturday, the pub was doing record business.  It must have been all the conventions Cassandra had told him about.  She said that the conventioneers were better than regular tourists.  A group of tourists might consist of 3 or 4 people, but a group of conventioneers could be as large as 30.  

Spike glanced up at the clock on the wall.  Half an hour till last call.  Then another two hours to clean up the pub before he could go upstairs.  Maybe he'd let everyone go home early; clean the place himself in the morning.  

Spike's vampire hearing picked up on Duncan's voice at the front door.  "Guinness?  Sure, mates.  The boss is at the end of the bar.  'E builds the best Guinness this side of the pond."  Spike laughed.  Duncan had a knack for finding the Brits in a crowd.  And he always sent them to Spike for a taste of home.  Spike watched the group stumble through the front door.  Couldn't be too drunk, or Duncan wouldn't have let them enter.  He was a good doorman/bouncer.  Built like a wall of concrete with a face only a mother could love.  Like most Cartha demons, he was only violent when provoked.  And then he was only deadly if the situation called for it.  Spike trusted him on the door.    

"Can I help you gents?"  Spike looked at the Englishmen in their disheveled shirt and ties.  He counted 14 in the group.  Yep, definitely conventioneers.  Wonder what organization they're with, he thought.  

"Yes, quite.  The, uh, gentleman at the door said you were the man to see about acquiring a decent Guinness."  The spokesman of the group slightly slurred his words as he spoke.     

"And he would be right.  How many?"  Spike was already grabbing for the glasses.

"10 please.  Also, a Bombay-and-tonic on the rocks, 2 glasses of Crown Royal and a glass of Dewar's."  Spike nodded his head, letting the spokesman know he had the order.  "An interesting place you have here.  And the name, it's unusual."

Great, the drunk wanted to talk.  Spike hated this part.  "Slayers?  I dunno.  It's as good as any other name, I reckon.  Here are the shots and the gin-and-tonic.  Take me a minute to build the Guinness."  

The spokesman passed the finished drinks onto the appropriate men behind him, then turned to continue his discussion with the bartender.  "Yes, Slayers.  We were surprised when we heard about it.  And the, uh, clientele is a bit unusual too.  Don't you think?"  

Spike lifted his head to look straight into the eyes of the other man.  A slight gleam of gold showing, "Not that unusual."  

The man gasped.  "Vampire!"  He spoke in a whisper, but it was loud enough to catch the attention of some of the nearby patrons and a few of his friends.  He was reaching inside his jacket.  Probably for a bloody cross, Spike thought.  That's all he needed.  Spike reached across the bar, stopping the movement of the man's hand with his own.   

"Look, mate.  I'm not sure how you found us.  Slayers is a bit off the beaten path.  But in here, humans and demons are treated the same.  Any spot of trouble, and you and your friends will find your arses out on the sidewalk.  Do we understand each other?"  The man nodded.  Spike slowly released his hand.  "Good.  Now here are your drinks.  That will be $58.00."      

Spike watched the man's trembling hand reach for his wallet.  He pulled out a $100 bill and passed it to Spike.  "Keep the change."  

"Was planning on it.  Now take your drinks and try not to choke on them."  Spike turned his back on the still-frightened man.  He hated goody-goodies.  Every now and again they managed to stumble into the place by mistake.  He had more trouble from them then he did from his demon customers.  He would need to keep an eye on this group.  There was something about the man that had Spike on edge.  Suddenly, Spike froze as he caught the last bit of what the man was saying.

"… report this to the Council.  They'll want to know that this place exists."  

Watchers!  A bloody convention of Watchers!  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy shot up straight out of bed.  She was breathing hard, sweat pouring down her face, her eyes darting around the room.  Her room, her window, her bed, her Mr Gordo clutched in her hands.  Everything was normal.  It was just a nightmare.  Just another nightmare.  Buffy slowly climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.  Just need to slow the breathing, splash a little cold water on my face, she thought.

Buffy walked into the bathroom, grasping for the light switch.  She stifled a scream as she met her own reflection in the mirror.  I look like hell!  Well, that's what you get for not sleeping.  Buffy washed the sweat off of her face.  She took the washcloth and ran it down her neck, over her arms, trying to cool her body.  It was a routine to which she was slowly becoming accustomed.  

Two weeks ago her dreams had taken on a slightly eviler bent than usual.  They started out the same.  Her and Spike.  Spike kissing her.  Spike's eyes searching her soul.  And always those words,  "I love you; I'll never leave you."  But then things changed.  "And you will never leave me."  Suddenly, she wasn't with HER Spike, she was with the demon Spike.  He was attacking her, sucking her dry.  And she was helpless to defend herself.  She was slipping away.  

Then the scene would change.  Buffy was looking down at Spike's sleeping form.  He looked so peaceful.  They had just finished making love.  They were in her bed, in her room.  She never felt so happy in her entire life.  A stake appeared in her hand.  Before she could even think, she was bringing it down to his heart.  His eyes flew open the second before he turned to dust.  Looking at her, silently asking why.  

But the dream wasn't over.  Next, she was in Spike's crypt, chained to a wall.  Drusilla tied to a pillar across the room.  She knew this scene.  It happened the night Spike first told her he loved her.  He was ranting and raving about what 'you bloody women have done to me!'  The stake he had early threatened Drusilla with finally made contact with her chest.  Buffy watched as Drusilla bled to death.  Then, Spike turned towards the Slayer.  He aimed the same stake at her, still dripping with Drusilla's blood.  As it found it's mark, Buffy exploded into dust.  That's when Buffy would wake up.

She hadn't told anyone about the dream.  It wasn't a Slayer's vision.  It was just her worst nightmares all rolled into one.  Spike turning her, Spike staking her, her staking Spike.  At one time or another, she had experienced all three separately.  But together, they frightened her beyond belief.  The part she never understood was why Dru bled and Buffy turned to dust.  That confused her, but it was only a dream.  

Buffy left the bathroom, making her way back to her bed.  As her head touched the pillow she whispered the same prayer she did every night.  Spike, just come back to me.  She slowly drifted off to sleep, hoping that this time, the nightmare wouldn't find her.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Spike came out from behind the bar, something he rarely did.  But he needed to get closer to the tables the Watcher's had managed to grab.  He was looking for one face among them.  Through the dark and smoke of the pub, Spike searched each man.  No, he wasn't there.  Spike turned to head back to the bar.  Stupid of him to think he would be among them.  What would he be doing in a place like this anyway?  He bumped into a customer.

"Sorry about that."  Spike said.

"Quite all right.  No trouble."  The man placed his glasses back on his nose.  He had been cleaning them, not watching where he was going. 

Spike gasped as he recognized the voice.  "Bloody hell.  Giles, is that you?"

Both men looked at each other in stone silence.  Then Ripper, for this was no longer Ruppert Giles, planted his fist firmly in Spike's face.

-----TBC     


	7. Nice To See You Again

Summary:       Spike runs into Giles at the pub.  The 'old friends' talk. 

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 7 - Nice to See You Again 

"Balls!"  Spike looked up at Giles from his place on the floor.  He brought his hand up to check his nose.  Not broken, but damn close.  "So you're the one who taught her how to do that."  

"Very effective, isn't it?"  Giles was wiping his hands on his handkerchief.  He'd been wanting to do that for years.  First the idiot vampire tries to kill his Slayer, then he falls in love with her driving her crazy, and then he leaves making her miserable.  He deserved a good beating.  

Suddenly, a strong hand wrapped around Giles' arm.  "Boss, you want me to throw this guy out?"  Duncan was already dragging Giles towards the door.  Nobody touched the boss.

Spike stood up, still inspecting his nose.  "No, it's okay, Dunc.  Probably deserved it anyway.  Old friend, ya' know."  Spike took the handkerchief Giles still held and wiped the blood from his nose.  He looked around the pub.  "Shows over folks.  Last call.  Bar closes in 20."  Spike turned his attention back to the Watcher.  "Nice to see you too, Ripper.  Can I buy you a drink?"  

"No, thank you.  I have one waiting for me at the table."  Giles did NOT want to spend any more time in the vampire's company than necessary.  He knew the name of the pub was a bad omen when he first heard it.  If it weren't for the others in his group, he would have bypassed the place all together.  Young Watchers are imbeciles, he thought.

"So, the Dewar's was for you?  Leave it.  I have better stuff upstairs."  Spike had no intention of letting Giles out of his site.  

Giles lowered his voice as he spoke.  "Spike, the last thing I need is to have a lengthy conversation with you in front of the others.  I'm going to have a hard enough time explaining our confrontation."

Spike looked over Giles' shoulder.  The other Watchers were doing exactly that – watching.  "Right then.  Come back after closing.  I'll be waiting with a bottle."  

Indecision was written on Giles' face, but he nodded curtly, turned and walked back to the waiting group.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Two hours later, Giles was sitting on Spike's couch, a glass of scotch in his hand.  He's right; this is better than the Dewar's, Giles thought.  This night was not going the way he thought it should.  What in God's name was he doing in Spike's flat at 5 o'clock in the morning?  And what was Spike doing with a flat?  A very nice flat at that.  

Spike walked into the living room.  "Sorry, just needed to change.  Can't stand the smell of the pub after working hours."  Spike poured himself a drink.  "So, what brings you to New Orleans, Ripper?"

"I could ask you the same question.  And quit calling me that!"  The nickname infuriated the middle-aged man.

Spike chuckled, thinking of his 'luv'.  "Slayer gets her best stuff from you, doesn't she?  'quit calling me that', the punch to the nose.  Tell me, what else did you teach her?"  Spike settled himself into his favorite chair, regarding the hostile man sitting on his couch.  "Look Giles, let's drop this.  I haven't seen anyone I know in a long time.  Do you think we could manage a civilized conversation?"

Giles looked at the vampire sitting across from him.  When Spike had first gotten the chip and was staying at Giles' house, the two men had come to an understanding.  Although the Scoobies hadn't known about it, and both of them would deny it, they had become comfortable together.  "Yes.  I think that is possible.  So, what are you doing in New Orleans?  From what the Cartha demon said, I assume you own the pub downstairs?"

"Actually, I own the whole building."  Spike took a cigarette out of its pack.  "But let's start with you.  Watcher's convention, I presume."

"Yes, this year's convention is here in the city.  Although I'm not exactly a favorite of the Councils, I am still the pseudo-Watcher of the current Slayer.  I was asked to speak concerning her dealings with Glory.  It was considered a great honor."  The last sentence left an awful taste in Giles' mouth.

"Yeah, I can see that.  Didn't like talking about it, did ya'?  Still haven't told them about Buffy being dead for five months."  Spike remembered the pain that Giles went through after Buffy jumped into the portal to save the world – again.  None of them would ever forget the time without her.

Giles began to relax.  It was good to talk to someone who knew the truth about the incident.  "No.  I haven't told them.  Never will.  I've put myself in the muck with this one.  Haven't told them about Buffy.  Haven't told them about Dawn.  I skirted the issue, telling them Glory had managed to find the young girl that held the Key, but I never gave the name.  I used the guise of protection.  But it still doesn't sit well."

"What did you tell them?"  Spike leaned in closer.  Although Giles didn't realize it, his voice had grown quiet.

Giles stared into his glass.  "I told them about Buffy's fight with Glory.  How she was able to defeat her with everyone's help.  The spell Willow had used to weaken Glory's power.  Xander and the wrecking ball.  The troll's hammer.  The orb.  Everything.  I told them when Glory lost control of the body she shared with Ben, the wounds she had sustained had been too much for his human body.  He had died, taking her with him.  I did not tell them about my part in his death, nor did I mention Doc.  I felt it was best to leave things as they were.  I absolved all of us."  

"You protected your girls.  That's the important part.  You did the right thing, Ruppert."  It wasn't often that Spike used Giles' first name.  "Can I pour you another drink?"  Spike walked over to take Giles' glass.

"Getting to be quite the barkeep, aren't we?  Getting back to the subject; what are you doing here?"  This Spike was not the Spike to which Giles was accustomed.  This was not the demon he had left in Sunnydale.

Spike poured each of them a new drink.  He handed Giles the fresh glass, then went back to his chair.  "That is a long, interesting story.  I assume that you knew I had left Sunnydale."  

"Yes, Buffy called me the day after you left.  Your leaving surprised me.  Your letter also surprised me.  It contained very astute personal observations, I would say."  Giles watched Spike's face for a reaction.  

And he got one.  "I'm stunned.  She read you the letter?  I didn't think she would."

"Buffy read it to all of us.  She thought it was important for everyone to hear what you had to say.  No one was more surprised than Xander.  He now thinks it's his responsibility to screen her dates before she goes out."  Giles kept watching Spike's face.  Did he still love the girl, or not?

"Dates?  So, the Slayer's dating?"  Pain and anger quickly flashed across Spike's face.  He does care, thought Giles.  "Well, bully for the Slayer.  Glad she's getting on with her life.  Hope she does better than Captain Cardboard."  

"Yes, she's doing quite well.  But you were going to tell me how you ended up owning a pub."  Giles wanted to steer the conversation away from Buffy.  He would come back to it later.  As soon as he found out what was going on in Spike's life.  

"It's late.  Why don't we continue this in the morning?  You're more than welcome to stay here, if you don't want to go back to the hotel.  I have an extra room."  She's dating?  Faith hadn't mentioned dating.

"Thank you for the offer, but I have a plane in the morning.  The convention ended yesterday."  Giles really didn't want to leave.  He wanted to know what was going on with Spike.

"Call the airlines, change the flight.  Stay a couple more days.  I have the room.  You could think of it as a holiday."  Spike was beginning to babble as badly as Willow.  "I could show you the darker side of New Orleans.  There are some businesses in the area run by demons that might interest you.  There's even a bookstore.  I'm sure you could find things in there you've never seen."

Giles had to stop himself from laughing.  The vampire was lonely.  "That might be interesting.  Maybe I could stay, if you don't mind.  I have been looking for information concerning the Key.  Unfortunately, I haven't had any luck in England.  Do you think I would have better luck here?"

"Yes, definitely.  Let me show you around the flat.  You can call the hotel, tell them someone will be 'round tomorrow to pick up your trunks."  Spike motioned for the Watcher to follow him.  

Giles wasn't sure how to ask, but he had to know.  "Spike, I don't mean to question your hospitality, but –"  Spike spun around with the speed only a vampire and a Slayer possessed.  One minute Giles was standing, the next he was flying back into the cushions of the couch, clutching his arm where Spike had hit him.  Spike was clutching his head.  Giles laughed.  "That's settled.  Let's look at the room, shall we?" 

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Buffy, come on!  I have other things to do today.  I can't waste my time waiting for you to finish the grocery list."  Dawn impatiently tapped her foot on the kitchen floor.  

"Without the grocery list, it's a waste of time going to the store.  You know I'll forget something."  Buffy tucked her hair behind her ear, smiling at her little sister.  "Just be thankful I'm letting you out of this trip.  What time are you supposed to meet Michael at the movies?"  Michael was Dawn's first boyfriend.  Buffy liked him; he was a nice kid.  A nice, human, no-demons-allowed-to-date-my-sister, kid.    

"One o'clock.  The movie starts at 1:15.  And it's almost one now, so hurry up."  Dawn rolled her eyes.  Big sisters are such a pain.  The phone rang.  Dawn crossed the kitchen to answer it.  "If I'm late because of this call…"

Dawn picked up the phone.  "Hello, Summer's residence. (pause) Oh, hi, Mr Giles. (pause) I'm doing okay. (pause) Yeah, Buffy's right here.  Hold on a minute.  Buffy, it's Mr Giles."  Dawn handed the phone to her sister.  "Movies?!"

"I'll keep it brief, Dawnie, I promise."  Buffy took the phone from her sister.  "Hey, Giles!  What's up? (pause) Okay.  Thanks for letting me know.  We worry about you. (pause) Talk to you soon. Bye."  Buffy hung up the phone.  "See, brief."

"What did Giles want?"  Dawn asked as Buffy picked up her keys from the kitchen counter.

Buffy also grabbed the grocery list.  "He ran into an old friend at the Watcher's convention.  He's going to stay with him for a few days in New Orleans.  He wanted us to know in case we tried to call him in England.  You know.  Just Giles being Giles.  Come on, you're going to be late."  The Summers' sisters headed out the door.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"So everything's okay then?"  Spike asked as Giles walked into the kitchen. 

"Yes.  I told her I was staying in New Orleans for a few more days than anticipated.  And no, I didn't tell her with whom I was staying."  When Giles had first told Spike he needed to call Buffy, the vampire had made it abundantly clear he didn't want the Slayer to know where he was.  "I still don't understand why you don't want me to tell them.  I sure they would want to know you're okay.  And Dawn would like to talk to you, to apologize – "

"They've moved on with their lives.  They don't need to know anything about me.  And the longer I'm out of the picture, the sooner the Nibblet will forget.  And the sooner she forgets, the better off everyone will be.  I don't think about them, do I?  Haven't even asked you about them."  Spike took his mug of blood out of the microwave.

"Yes, Spike.  You've forgotten about them completely.  That's why the top of that monstrosity you call a television set is littered with their pictures."  Giles hadn't noticed them the night before, but he had seen them this morning.  There were pictures of all the Scoobies, himself and Joyce.  Flanking the ends were 8x10 photos of Buffy and of Dawn.  

"Well, everyone else I know is dead.  I needed to put something up there."  Spike had forgotten about the pictures.  He should have put them away last night.  Giles probably thought he was a bigger poof than Peaches.  "Anyways, I have work to do downstairs.  Shouldn't take me too long.  Fix yourself some breakfast.  Then we can talk."  Spike walked out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.

Giles shook his head.  The boy still had it bad.  Giles wasn't sure how he felt about Buffy's feelings for Spike.  Realistically, he knew that no good could come of it, but part of him didn't care.  He wanted his Slayer to be happy.  She deserved that much.  Forcing the thought from his mind, he went about making breakfast.  And trying to reason why Spike would have eggs and bacon in his fridge.   

-----TBC                      


	8. From Sunnyhell to New Orleans

Summary:       Spike tells Giles how he ended up in New Orleans and about the vampire he met that changed his undead life. 

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 8 - From Sunnyhell to New Orleans 

Spike was putting the finally touches on the bar when Giles walked downstairs.  "Giles, help a mate out.  Take the trash to the dumpster in the back.  I'd do it, but the sunlight and all."  Giles reluctantly hauled the trash bags outside.  When he was finished, he took his time inspecting the pub.  Slayers wasn't a hole-in-the-wall like Willy's.  In a way, it reminded Giles of the Bronze.  It had a large bar that ran along one side.  There were tables through the majority of the room, booths lining an adjacent wall, and couches scattered here and there.  In the corner were a stage and a dance floor.  In the opposite corner, dart boards and two pool tables.  The place was clean and inviting.

"Spike, you have a nice place.  How'd it all come about?"  Giles was ready to finish the talk the two had started the night before.

Spike motioned for Giles to take a seat at the bar.  He built a Guinness for Giles, then one for himself.  He came around the bar, taking a stool adjacent to the Watcher.  He lit a cigarette, starting his tale.  

"I'll skip the part about how I got here.  Let's just say that I spent a couple of weeks driving.  Not really finding any one place I wanted to be.  The closer I got to Louisiana, the more I remembered how much I liked New Orleans.  The town still reminds me of an old European city.  The type Dru and I used to terrorize.  There's also a good group of demons here.  Voodoo and cemeteries with nothing but crypts.  Old world mystique.  There's just something about the place.  It holds the same draw for vampires as it does for humans.  It's also as different from Sunnyhell as night is from day.  Here vampires are as much accepted as the chicory coffee and beignets you find at the Café Du Monde.  We're part of the city's legend.  It's an easy place for a vampire to live."

Spike took a long draw from his cigarette before continuing.  "Was in town for about a week when I ran into a vamp I used to know in Prague.  He was there the night the mob came after me and Dru.  We started talking.  He had heard about me working with the Slayer.  Of course here, that was all rumor.  No one believed it.  William the Bloody working with a Slayer?  Not possible.  I denied it.  I was starting a new life.  Why bring up the past.  I was the Big Bad and proud of it.  He had also heard about the Initiative blokes.  He told me there were others in the area who had escaped from the government.  I guess the lab in Sunnydale wasn't the only one, but when the Slayer busted it up, the government got rid of the entire project.  Killed most of the demons they had under their control, but a few got away.  I asked him if he knew where they were.  He did, and he took me to meet them."

"There were all sorts of demons, about twenty all together.  A few other vampires, like myself.  I talked to them, became friends with some.  They told me there had been more.  Some had died trying to dig the chips out of their brains.  Others had killed themselves rather than live that way.  Mostly what I had expected.  Might have killed myself if circumstances had been different.  Through them, I met other people.  And when I say people, I mean demons and humans.  Like I said, here, we're just another part of the city."

"One vampire I met, Anthony, he's a good man.  You'd like him.  He's younger than me.  Turned about sixty years ago, so it's not like he's a fledgling.  We got to be mates, good mates.  He's from these parts.  Still has family here.  His great-granddaughter is one of my bartenders, Cassandra.  Giles, I've never met a stranger vampire in all my life.  He acts like Peaches, but Tony doesn't have a soul."

"I'm going to tell you a secret, Giles.  Something no other Watcher has ever none.  Do you know why some people are turned and some are bled?  A vampire is like a wolf, hunting the strays from a pack.  We look for the weak.  The easy kill.  Which includes just about everyone, since we're stronger.  But when you're looking to turn someone, you're looking for someone who never ran with the pack.  The outsider.  Angel was a useless man.  He spent all his time in pubs.  Stole money for drink.  Didn't want to work.  But he was strong and handsome.  Drusilla was outside of society because of her visions.  Her own family thought they were the work of the devil.  Angel driving her mad just put her even further on the outside.  And me.  Well let's just say I wasn't part of the crowd.'

"But someone made a mistake with Tony.  He was part of something.  He had a business, a family, a place.  If anything, he should have been bled.  He won't tell me who sired him.  But I do know he killed his sire.  Ran with him for twenty years, killed him, then went back to his family.  And they took him in.  He has no idea what happened to him.  He said he woke up one night and missed his wife.  She's been dead now for years, so he lives with his grandson.  Drinks pig's blood.  Won't even touch the human stuff I buy."

"He's the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend, at least a vampire best friend.  We got drunk together one night.  I told him everything.  From Drusilla to Buffy.  I told him about why I left Sunnydale.  The next morning, he woke me up and asked me what I was planning on doing with the rest of my life.  No one ever asked me that before.  I didn't have a clue.  He said I could continue to wander around or I could come up with a plan.  Now the last plan I ever came up with involved killing the Slayer, so this was a bit different.  I liked the idea of having a place of my own, a business.  It was something I never tried before.  Tony got me in contact with a lawyer he knew.  The lawyer knew a guy who could forge the paperwork I needed to be a human.  Can't get a liquor license without a driver's license and a birth certificate.  We found this place and here I am."

Giles had been silent through the whole story.  He was completely perplexed.  "The money, Spike.  Where'd the money come from?"  

"I have tons of money, always have.  You aren't a vampire for over a century without putting some aside now and then.  There are accounts in banks all over Europe.  And with computers, it's easier than it's ever been to move it."  Giles was shocked.  "Look, Ruppert, just because I acted like I didn't have a dime, doesn't mean it wasn't there.  It was a game to scam cash out of all of you, especially the whelp.  Couldn't do anything else.  If things had gotten bad enough, I would have dipped into my savings.  I told Buffy money wasn't a problem.  When she first started working at that fast food place.  I told her I could get her money if she needed it.  She didn't want it."     

It wasn't sinking in.  Giles couldn't let it sink in.  "You have money.  You have bank accounts all over Europe.  You, who have lived in a crypt, lived in an abandoned warehouse, and spent time chained to my bathtub, have money.  Well, I never."  

"Yes, Giles, yes.  I have money.  Bloody hell, if I knew that's all it took to shock you, I would have told you years ago."  Spike walked behind the bar.  "Did you hear anything else I said, or are you fixated on the one point?"

Giles took out his handkerchief.  He cleaned his glasses then deposited them back on his nose.  "Sorry, just trying to accommodate the brain to the fact that you are, shall we say, solvent.  So this place, it's legal.  I mean, you legally own it?"

"As legal as you can get with a forged identity, but yeah.  It's mine.  All the proper paperwork and such."  Spike needed something stronger to drink.

"Pour me one of whatever you're having."  This was not the story Giles had anticipated.  "Tell me more about this Anthony."  

"Tony?  Actually, I think I'll let you talk to him yourself.  Besides you, he knows more about vampire lore and myth then anyone I've ever met.  The Watcher's Council would love to get their grimy little hands on his library.  I'll invite him over tomorrow."  Spike put a full glass in front of Giles, along with the bottle.  "There are a few other things I should tell you, Giles.  For one. I've been writing to Faith."

Giles grabbed for the glass.  He downed the liquor in one swallow.  "Faith?  You've been corresponding with Faith?  Why in God's name would you do something like that?"  One more shock and Giles knew he would keel over dead.  

"Because she's alone in there, Giles.  She's going to get out one day, you know.  And where's she going to go?  Who's she going to turn to?  The rest of you have forgotten about her.  The Watcher's Council leaves her to rot in jail.  She's a Slayer.  It would be nice if when she was released, she didn't feel like the world had abandoned her.  That's what caused all the problems in the first place.  I've offered her a job when she gets out.  I want to keep her as far away from Buffy and the Nibblet as possible."  When he had started writing to her, Spike hadn't cared about her any more than the rest of them.  He's only thought had been about Buffy and Dawn.  He wouldn't stand by and watch the rogue Slayer go after his family.  But after a few months, he learned he liked the girl.  She was his type of person.  

"And one more thing," Spike said as Giles poured himself another drink.  "The great-granddaughter of Tony's I mentioned?  Cassandra?  My bartender?  She's also my girlfriend."

The glass was forgotten.  Giles drank straight from the bottle.  Bloody hell!

------TBC


	9. Changing Tide

Summary:       Buffy and Dawn spend a day at the beach.  Spike has a fight with Cassandra.  Giles learns something interesting about the Key.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)  And I don't own the Victoria's Secret Catalogue either!

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 9 - Changing Tide 

Buffy adjusted her sunglasses as she watched the kids cavorting on the beach.  She wasn't exactly sure how Dawn had talked her into being the chaperone for this little Beach Party Bingo, but here she was, denmother to a pack of teenagers.  Buffy knew most of them could drive, but none of them had a car.  She smiled as she heard Dawn scream with faux-horror the second before Michael through her into the surf.  Dawn was happy.  I wish Spi-.  No, not going there, Buffy thought.  Today was Dawn's happy day.  

Recently, there had been many happy days for Dawn.  Michael had transferred to Sunnydale High in the middle of the school year.  Janice had been banished from the Summers' household after the shoplifting incident and Dawn had been lonely.  Being the new kid, Michael had been lonely too.  But Michael was an army brat, his father a retired captain.  He had grown up being the new kid, so he knew how to handle it.  One day, he saw Dawn eating lunch alone and asked if he could join her.  They had become fast friends.  

Michael was a year older than Dawn, something that had bothered Buffy in the beginning.  She remembered the huge argument it had caused.  An argument consisting of references to 100- and 200-year-old vampires, 1000-year-old ex-demons and ageless Keys.  In the end, Buffy had let it go.  Michael had introduced Dawn to kids she normally wouldn't have met at school.  Kids in his grade.  Together, they found a nice group of friends.  Over the past couple of months, Buffy had become accustomed to a new group of teenagers hanging out in her living room.  Sometimes she would study them, trying to catch a glimpse of Xander, Willow or herself at that age.  So young, she thought.       

Buffy went back to reading the latest book Giles had sent her.  His trip to New Orleans had been very profitable.  His friend had taken him to an occult shop where he found several books containing information about the Key, the monks that protected the Key and the Knights of Byzantium.  Giles' friend was even able to persuade the owner to part with a book from his private collection.  Giles was scanning each of the text into his computer.  Once completed, he shipped the book to Buffy, that way each of them had a copy of the material.  Although he still hated the 'infernal contraptions', he did concede the advantages his PC gave them in their cross-continental studies.

Dawn ran up to Buffy, shaking seawater out of her hair.  "Watch the book Dawnie.  Giles'll kill you if you ruin it!"  Buffy wiped the water off the page, then closed the book to look up at her sister.

"You can't come to the beach and spend all your time reading."  Dawn was worried about Buffy.  She never did anything fun anymore.  All she did was bury herself in the books that Giles sent.  She had hoped the trip to the beach would loosen her up.  "The water's just the right temperature.  Let's go for a swim."  Dawn grabbed Buffy's arm, trying to drag her out of her seat.  

Buffy disengaged her arm from her sister's grasp.  "Dawn, I agreed to drive you and your friends down here, but I told you I need to finish reading this.  Giles is calling me tomorrow so that we can discuss it, and I'm nowhere near done.  I'll swim another day.  Promise."  

Dawn plopped down on the towel next to her sister.  "I know the book is important.  And I appreciate all the research you are doing to find out more about me.  But Buffy, you've got to have some fun.  You've been all study-girl lately.  It's summer, remember?  We haven't seen a Big Bad in months.  If Spike were here –" Dawn stopped herself.  Oops, wrong subject.

Buffy let out a frustrated breath.  "If Spike were here, he would have exploded from the sunlight hours ago.  I'm fine, Dawnie.  Go talk to Michael.  He'll think you're ignoring him."  Buffy re-opened the book and began to read, signaling to Dawn that the conversation was officially over.  But Dawn wasn't done talking.

She stood up, brushing the sand from her legs.  "Okay, Buffy.  I'll go back and have fun with my friends.  Do the best I can to try to forget that I miss him, since that is obviously what you want.  But hiding behind research isn't going to convince me you don't still miss him too."  Before Buffy could reply, Dawn ran back to her boyfriend who was waiting for her at the water's edge.  Michael's arms enveloped Dawn in a hug.  As Buffy watched her sister, a twinge of regret found a home in her heart.                  

"So she won't come join us?" Michael asked.  He knew Dawn was concerned about her sister.  She told him Buffy just wasn't herself ever since her boyfriend had left.  Michael remembered asking Dawn why the idiot had broken up with Buffy, since it was clear to him Buffy had been the break-upee, not the break-uper.  Dawn had quickly come to Spike's defense, saying he hadn't broken-up with Buffy.  Something else had happened to make him leave.  It had taken some pushing, but Dawn confessed she was the reason he had left.  Some fight the two of them had.  Michael said he didn't understand what Dawn could have said to make Buffy's boyfriend leave, but Dawn had just looked at him.  "Life with Spike is complicated."  And that had been the end of that.  

"Nope, she just wants to sit and read."  Dawn laughed.  "Mom would never believe it.  Buffy would rather be researching than hanging out."  Dawn pushed the thought of her mother from her mind.  "Well, I guess I can't make her do something she doesn't want to do.  I should know that by now."

"Yes, you Summer's women seem to be a stubborn lot," Michael said in his best English accent, smiling.  Dawn loved it when Michael smiled.  It made his cheeks sink in and his blue eyes shine.  She wondered if Buffy had ever noticed the resemblance between Spike and Michael.  Similar build, similar height, similar hair color.  Well, at least Spike's roots.  Of course Michael wasn't as pale as Spike, but still.  Summers' women also seem to have the same taste in guys, she thought.

"Stubborn, but loveable."  Dawn gave Michael a quick kiss.  "Let's get back to the water."

Buffy's attention was drawn away from her book, as Dawn's faux-horror scream filled the air once more.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Spike was spending the afternoon going through his mail.  This sort-of-being-human-thing had its disadvantages.  The bills concerning the pub and the flat he could tolerate, but the junk mail was annoying.  Although he didn't mind the Victoria's Secret Catalogue.  Why he got it, he had no idea, but he wasn't complaining.  In the middle of the stack was a letter from Faith.  He set it aside, telling himself he'd read it before he went downstairs to open the pub.       

"Oh, Victoria's Secret.  Let me look at that."  Cassandra grabbed the catalogue from the top of the stack.  She sat down on the couch, flipping the pages.  "I need some new bras."  

Spike mumbled under his breath.  "What's wrong with the one's you've got?  They look fine to me."

"I heard that," Cassandra said, never looking up from the catalogue.  "A girl can never have enough lingerie.  It's one of the more important rules of life.  You should have learned that by now."  

Spike turned away from his desk to look at her.  Long, curly chestnut hair now pulled back in a braid.  Eyes the color of emeralds glittering in the sunlight.  She reminded him of an Irish lass walking across the moors.  Not his dark princess or his light princess, just somewhere in between.  "You're right.  I should have learned that by now.  Buy what you want, Cass.  Charge it to the pub."  

Cassandra looked over at the vampire.  Oh, boy.  Here we go again.  Wonder what set it off this time?  "What's wrong, Spike?  And don't tell me it's nothing, 'cause you have the same expression on your face grandfather gets.  Vampire in brooding.  Not one of my favorites."  

Spike smirked.  Cass was a good kid, but she was nosey as hell.  "I'm not brooding.  I never brood.  I become pensive.  I leave the brooding to those with a soul.  Besides it's nothing.  Just the bloody bills."  

Cassandra snorted.  Fine, if he didn't want to talk about it, she'd leave it alone.  She slammed the catalogue closed on the couch next to her.  Like hell she'd leave it alone!  "Look, just pick up the phone and call her.  From what your friend Giles said, I'm sure she wants to hear from you."

Spike spun back around in his chair.  "Don't know what you're talking about, pet.  Call who?"  He didn't want to have this conversation again.  It always ended badly.  The last time she brought the subject up, they hadn't talked for two days.  

"For the love of Mike!  If I knew the number, I'd call myself.  Who?  Who am I talking about?  Buffy."  Cassandra walked over to stand next to the desk.  "Buffy!  Buffy!  Buffy!  Buffy's who I'm talking about.  And you say she's the queen of denial.  Pick. Up. The. Phone."

He never should have told her about the Slayer.  "Why do you want me to call her?  Trying to get rid of me?"  Spike slowly slid his hand up Cassandra's arm, a lecherous smile spreading across his face.  

Cassandra removed Spike's hand from her arm, dropping it back on the desk.  "Diversionary tactic not going to work this time, William.  For the record.  To get rid of you, I'd have to have you to begin with, and I don't have you.  I'm leasing you.  And I think the lease has run out.  So just call her.  Put all of us out of our misery."  Cassandra wasn't stupid.  Spike didn't love her.  They worked together.  They played together.  They had mind-blowing sex together.  But he wasn't hers to keep.  He belonged to the Slayer.  She had understood that from the beginning.  

Spike stood up to pace around the room.  Sometimes fighting with Cass was like fighting with Buffy.  Neither one of them knew when to give up.  "Cass, we've been over this before.  Because of me, she died.  Died!  That's not something you forget about.  The Nibblet was right.  Even Peaches was right.  I'm not what she needs.  What she needs is a normal life.  And from what Faith tells me, she's finally on her way to having one.  Why can't you drop it?  I'm happy here.  Happy with you and the pub.  I've made a life for myself."

"She needs a normal life?  God save us from men who think they know what women need."  Cassandra's Irish temper began to flare.  "Did you ever ask HER what she needed?  Oh no, you didn't.  I almost forgot.  You have one fight with a hormonal teenager and you leave town.  Yes, she died, Spike.  But she's not dead now!  And you're not happy with me.  If I learned nothing else from my great-grandparents, I learned how strong the bond is when a vampire picks a human mate.  Not a lover, but a mate."

Spike growled, but Cassandra continued.  "You do forget who you're dealing with sometimes, don't you?  I grew up with vampires, Spike.  I might know more about vampiric ways than you do.  You didn't share the blood ritual, but the bond is still there.  She's calling to you, why can't you just admit it?"  

Spike's demon flashed for a second.  He picked up Faith's letter, stormed out of the flat and went down to the pub.  Stupid chit.  Doesn't know what she's talking about.  Buffy didn't want him.  She had said so plenty of times.  Where did women get these crazy ideas? 

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Giles reread the passage in the book Anthony had given him.  If his interpretation was correct, there were two spells that could be used to bind the energy of the Key to human form, one temporary, one permanent.  In the temporary spell, a living being shared their blood and soul with the Key to bind it to this dimension.  The other spell still required the blood as a binder, but a soul, freely given, was needed to make the transfer permanent.  Unfortunately, the particulars of neither spell were listed.    

Giles placed the book on the table.  If the monks hadn't had time to acquire a freely given soul, then Dawn's existence was only temporary.  He should call Buffy – No.  That wasn't a good idea.  Not yet.  Scaring her and Dawn until he knew more would not be good for either of them.  He was going to need help.  Buffy and Dawn were going to need help.  Giles had to think.  After a few minutes, he had the beginnings of a plan.  Giles picked up the phone.  

"British Airways, Karen speaking.  How may I help you?" the operator said.  

"Yes, hello.  I'd like a one-way ticket to New Orleans, please.  Soonest available flight."  Giles thought it could work.  He hadn't been able to find any information about the Key in England.  All the books he had found had come from Anthony's shop in New Orleans.  With Anthony helping him research, he might be able to find the spell they needed to keep Dawn in this dimension permanently.  Yes, it could work.  The most difficult part would be convincing Spike to return to Sunnydale.  Someone had to be there for Buffy and Dawn.                        

-----TBC


	10. Familiar Feeling

Summary:       Buffy's Slayer senses are on over load.  Who is watching her?

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 10 - Familiar Feeling 

Buffy met Willow at the coffee house around noon.  Since Willow had moved back in with Tara, the best friends made it a weekly ritual to meet for coffee and catch up.  Not demon, apocalypse, Big Bad kind of things, just routine life stuff.  It was their special bonding time.  

"Hey, Buff."  Willow waved at her friend, being the first to arrive as usual.  She waited for Buffy to order a latte and sit down before starting the conversation.  "How was your date with Nick last night?  Any sparkage?"  Nick was the latest in a long line of guys Xander had tried to set Buffy up with.  Cute, well built, but not much going on in the brains department.

"The usual.  Lame dinner, lame movie, awkward goodnight kiss at the door."  Sometimes Buffy wondered why she even bothered.

"So no second date, I take it."  Willow knew Buffy went out on a lot of first dates, hardly any second ones.  "When Xander introduced you, I really didn't see the chances of a long-lasting commitment.  Nothing against Xan, but the guy was a little…"

"Dumb," Buffy supplied.  "The word you are looking for is dumb, Will.  His idea of dinner was taking me to the Doublemeat Palace.  And you know how much I hate that place.  Six weeks of working behind the counter was enough to last me for the rest of my life.  And then, we went to a vampire movie.  Can you believe it?  Like I need to see a movie about vampires.  It was like, let's cram everything bad about Buffy's life into one unforgettable night.  It was the worst."          

Willow laughed.  "He actually took YOU to a vampire movie?  Talk about life imitating art.  How could you sit through it?"

"It was unbelievable!  Not only was it a vampire movie, it was a bad vampire movie.  Nothing like real life.  And the girl was a complete wimp.  'Oh, please Mr Vampire.  Don't bite me.'  No kicking, no fighting, no stakes.  Just the poor, defenseless girl who needs to be saved by the big strong man.  I thought I was going to hurl.  Then he tells me while were walking home, not to worry.  If any vampires come after me, he'll take care of them.  Ya, right."  Buffy snorted.  "More like I'll kick ass while he screams like a baby.  I'm so going to punch Xander for this one."

"Buffy, I'm sorry."  Willow was trying to control her laughter.  "But don't blame Xander.  It's not like he knew where the guy was going to take you.  He's only trying to help."

Buffy played with the straw in her latte.  "I know.  I just wish he'd stop helping.  One more date like that, and I'm swearing off men completely."  Buffy frowned. 

Willow looked at her friend's serious expression.  "Buffy, is something else wrong?"

It was several minutes before Buffy responded.  She wasn't sure what to say.  "Will, I don't know.  Something else did happen last night.  You're going to think I'm crazy.  Look, I know the movie was about vamps, but the whole time we were there, my Slayer senses were working over-time.  It was like I could feel a vampire in the theater."

"Buffy, that's not so strange.  Maybe vampires go to movies.  And if they go to movies, what else would they go see?"  Willow was trying help.  It made sense to her.

"It wasn't just a vamp in the theater.  I mean, I sense vamps all the time.  When we're at the Bronze.  At the mall.  I've felt them in the grocery store, for God's sake.  But this was different.  It felt like...  I felt like someone was watching me.  I couldn't shake it.  It was uber-weird."  The feeling that she was being watched had stayed with Buffy most of the night.  She'd even done a quick sweep of the neighborhood before going to bed.       

Now Willow was more concerned.  "Have you felt it before?"  At Buffy's positive, but hesitant nod, Willow continued.  "Buffy, if a vampire is stalking you, this could mean serious trouble.  Maybe we should tell the others."  

"I'm not sure what to do, Will.  Okay, this is going to sound even stranger if that's possible, but it's not a bad stalking thing.  I can't really explain it.  I could sense someone watching, but I didn't get a negative vibe about it.  Well, that was until Nick kissed me, then I got a double-dose of anger.  But until then, it was just there.  You know, looking back on it.  I think I've sensed something for the past couple of days, but it hasn't bothered me as much as it did last night."  Buffy was trying her best to explain how she felt, but she wasn't sure she was doing a good job.

"So what?  You think you have a fairy-god-vampire looking over your shoulder?  Buffy this is not of the good.  We need to have a Scooby meeting.  Make sure everyone else is informed.  And you definitely need to tell Dawn.  If something is watching you, there might be something watching her too.  She needs to be more careful."  Just because Buffy wasn't taking this seriously, didn't mean that Willow was going to let it rest.

Buffy nodded her head in agreement.  "You're right.  I need to tell everyone, especially Dawn.  I just wish I didn't feel like such an idiot bringing it up.  It's not like we've got much to go on.  I could be completely wrong about this."

Willow grabbed Buffy's hand across the table.  "Buffy, I'd trust your Slayer sense over all the books in Giles' library any day.  If you felt something, it's out there.  We'll have a Scooby meeting this week.  How about Saturday, before we go to the Bronze?'

"Sounds good."  Buffy felt better now that she had told Willow.  "And I'll talk to Dawn when I get home.  But enough about me.  How's Tara?"  

The best friends sat and talked for the next hour about life and stuff.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy walked around the cemetery twirling Mr Pointy in her hand.  Nothing like patrol to relax a girl before bedtime, she thought.  She would make one more pass before calling it a night.  The late summer heat wave made it unbearable to be outside, even after dark.  Buffy wasn't sure why she was out tonight anyway.  It wasn't even her scheduled night for patrol.  She was supposed to be doing the bills, but she – Buffy stopped.  There it was again.  That strange feeling that had been prickling at her all week.  Sometimes sharper than others, but always there.  

All week long Buffy couldn't loose the strange sensation.  She knew she was being watched.  The sensation grew stronger at night, especially if she was on patrol.  And she couldn't shake it.  It wasn't a bad feeling, just weird.  And so familiar, almost comforting.  It almost felt like, felt like…      

Buffy dropped her stake.  That's it.  That's who it was.  There were two vampires that Buffy's senses instantly recognized.  Sure she could always sense if a vampire was near, but her sense when it came to Spike and Angel was different.  If she had to, she could pick them out of a crowd.  The particular feeling that had been bugging her all week was reserved for one particular vampire.  Why hadn't she recognized it before?  Because she wasn't expecting it, that's why.  Same reason she didn't recognize it when Angel had been around at Thanksgiving two years ago.  But if he was around, why wasn't he showing himself?  Whatever the reason, it was giving Buffy the wiggins.

Buffy started running for the crypt.  She knew he wasn't in there.  He was somewhere around her.  But maybe she could find a clue.  She went to the crypt often.  She had staked three different vamps who had tried to make it their new home.  Why she did it, she wasn't even sure.  Probably because it was his, even if he never came back.  She pushed the door to the crypt open.  Slowly she walked inside, took a look around.  Okay, no vamp.  No vamp things.  Actually, nothing had been moved since the last time she was there.  Buffy walked back out of the crypt, shutting the door behind her.  She looked around in the dark, trying to catch a glimpse of him, but nothing.  What the hell was going on?

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy was late.  When she walked into the Magic Box, all the other Scoobies were already inside.  She had stopped by Willy's before joining them to do a little friendly interrogating.

"Where ya' been, Buffster?  We've been waiting.  What's the all-Scooby emergency?"  Xander was standing by the counter, watching Anya count money.  Willow and Buffy had decided not to tell the others about their conversation earlier in the week until they were all together.     

Buffy sat down at the research table, looking directly at Willow while she spoke.  "It's Spike.  I think he's back." 

"You think Spike's back?"  Xander said as he crossed the room.  The forbidden subject raises its ugly undead head, he thought.  

"Buffy, is that who you've been feeling?"  To Willow, it now made complete sense.  No wonder Buffy hadn't been getting a negative vibe.  

"I think so, Will."  Buffy brought the rest of the gang up to speed about the movie incident.  "It's not like I've seen him.  I stopped by Willy's on my way over here.  Asked him if he'd seen Spike or heard anything about him.  He hadn't either.  But my guts tells me it's him" 

"Slayer s-senses?" Tara asked.  

"Yeah.  I know I sound like insane-o woman, but you guys have to believe me.  It's him.  He's here, in town.  And he's watching me."  Buffy was almost pleading with her friends.  "I wasn't sure what it was at first, but last night on patrol, it clicked."    

Anya decided to add her two-sense.  "Maybe the chip is finally gone, and he's come back to kill you."  Everyone turned to look at her.  "What?  It's possible."  

"No, it's not."  Tara answered.  He said he'd never come back to harm Buffy or any of us.  I believe he meant it."  Tara turned to Buffy.  "I really do believe he meant it."

"Thank you, Tara." Buffy said.  "And I believe it too.  No, he's not here to kill me.  Number one, because he promised not to.  Number two, because lurking in the shadows isn't his style.  If that's what he wanted, he would have come for me days ago.  Number three, because that's not the type of feeling I'm getting.  And number four, because I think Giles knows he's here."

"Giles knows?  When did you talk to Giles?"  Willow was stunned.  Buffy hadn't mentioned talking to Giles about this.

"I called him last night, left a message.  He called me back today.  When I told him my senses were going bongo about Spike, he told me not to worry about it.  It probably wasn't what I thought it was.  But he was nervous.  The minute I brought it up, he was nervous.  Like he knows what's going on, but he won't tell me."  Buffy wasn't used to Giles hiding things from her.  She didn't like it.

"If you're right, and Giles does know, why wouldn't he tell you?"  Xander couldn't come up with a reason for Giles to keep secrets from Buffy, especially about Spike.

"I have no idea.  Look, I didn't mean to make everyone worry.  I just want a few more sets of eyes watching for him."  Buffy felt better about involving the gang now that she knew who was watching her.    

"Tara and I could check the butcher shops tomorrow.  See if anyone's been buying blood."  Willow wanted to help.  If Spike was back, maybe they had a chance to bring the old Buffy back with him.    

"And I could check the local liquor stores, see if anyone's seen him."  Xander felt the same way Willow did.       

"Yes, because your boyfriend is an alcoholic," Anya added.

Buffy rolled her eyes.  "I know, Anya.  You've mentioned that before."  Buffy had grown to like Anya a lot, but sometimes she was still inappropriate-girl.  "I didn't even think about the butcher shops.  Thanks Willow.  And Xander, checking the liquor stores is a great idea."

Tara was the next to speak.  "Buffy, have you checked his crypt?  He has to be staying somewhere."

"It was the first thing I did last night when I realized who it was.  Nothing there.  I'm not sure where he's staying.  I thought about checking some of the other crypts, but he's doing a great job of hiding from me.  I don't think he'd be staying somewhere where I could just run into him."  A million different things were running through Buffy's mind at once.    

"It's the hiding thing I don't get."  Xander knew Buffy was right.  Creeping around in the shadows wasn't Spike's style.  "If he's not makin' with the evil, why doesn't he just knock on your front door?"

"I can't figure it out either.  Maybe he's just checking up on me?  Seeing how I'm doing?  Or maybe this is some elaborate plan to drive me nuts?  Yes.  I think I'll go with option number two."  Buffy banged her head on the table.  Everyone in the shop laughed.  Buffy raised her head, looking around at her friends.  "What?"

"If I had my doubts before, I don't now.  No one drives you crazy like Spike does," Xander said.  "Buffy, what are you going to do when you find him?"

"I'm going to beat the hell out of him for leaving in the first place."  Buffy let out an exasperated breath.  "After that, I have no idea."  

---TBC


	11. Conversations With Air

Summary:       Dawn apologizes.  Buffy comes to the end of her rope.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 11 - Conversations with Air 

Buffy waited in the living room of the Summers' house.  It was almost midnight.  Soon, Michael would be dropping Dawn off.  The two had gone to a party at a friend's house.  And even though the party would rage on for hours, Michael promised to have Dawn home before curfew.  Buffy smiled.  She really did like Michael.  Maybe it had to do with his upbringing, maybe it was just part of his DNA, but whatever it was, Michael had a healthly respect for rules.  Something Buffy hoped he would pass along to her sister.

Normally, Buffy would leave the two of them alone when they returned home.  Curfew for Dawn was not curfew for Michael.  Usually, the pair would watch a movie or talk.  Buffy knew there was also some kissing action going on, but she let it slide, trusting her younger sister.  Dawn and Buffy had a major sex talk at the beginning of the summer.  At first Dawn had been hesitant, but she had finally opened up.  She told Buffy she wasn't ready for that yet.  Buffy told her she believed what Dawn said, but sometimes things happened in the moment.  Things that couldn't be taken back.  The two had talked for hours about love and lust.  Buffy telling Dawn about her first time with Angel, and about the heartbreak she experienced as Parker's one-night-stand.  The talk was open, honest and good for both of them.  At the end, Buffy told Dawn she was always there for her if she wanted to talk, and if there were things she didn't feel comfortable talking about with Buffy, she hoped Dawn would turn to Tara or Willow for advice.  

Buffy was pulled out of her thoughts by the opening of the front door.  "And the way she was flirting with Jason!  Talk about the uber-slut.  I mean – "  Dawn was surprised to find Buffy sitting on the couch.  She walked into the living room, forgetting about the conversation she was having with Michael.  "Buffy!  I didn't think you'd be here."  

Buffy smiled at her sister.  "Sorry to disappoint you.  Hi, Michael.  How was the party?  And who's the slut my sis was talking about?"  Buffy scooted over on the couch, making a place for Dawn and her boyfriend.

Michael remained standing as Dawn sat.  "Party was great.  The slut in question is Rachel Burton.  Although, she's really not a slut.  Dawn just doesn't like her because she made a pass at me a couple of weeks ago."

"Hence the slut reference."  Rachel was not number one on Dawn's list of fantastic people.  "She knows the two of us are going out, and she still makes a play for my boyfriend.  What would you call her?"    

Buffy laughed, giving Michael an apologetic look.  "Hate to disappoint you, Michael, but I'm siding with my sister on this one.  We Summers women are protective when it comes to our own."

Dawn stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend.  "Told ya."  Then turned to Buffy, "So, why are you home?  Not that I'm disappointed.  I just thought you'd be out …"  Dawn let the sentence hang.  Patrolling and slaying were not topics of discussion around Michael.  

"Out during research?"  The mystical phenomenon job description Buffy had used with the social worker was a great cover-up.  It worked just as well with Michael when explaining her late nights and the absence of a normal job.  "Yeah, I know.  Something more important came up.  Look, I hate to cut the evening short for you two, but I really needed to talk to Dawn.  Family stuff.  You understand, don't you, Michael?"

"Sure.  Not a problem.  I could use an early night myself, too much dancing.  Night, Buffy."  Michael headed towards the door.  Dawn followed him.  Once they were out of Buffy's sight, Michael leaned in to whisper in Dawn's ear.  "I'll call you tomorrow."  Finishing his promise with a kiss.  

Dawn pulled away from him, a little breathless.  "Tomorrow.  I had a great time tonight."

Michael smiled.  "So did I.  I hope everything's okay with your family.  If you need something, just call."  Michael meant it.  He would do anything he could to help Dawn and her sister.  

"I will.  It's probably nothing.  Buffy gets tense about stuff sometimes."  Dawn added to herself, stuff like apocalypses, hell-gods, general Big Bads.  What was wrong now?

One more kiss, and Michael was gone.  Dawn leaned against the closed door.  She closed her eyes, letting a perfect feeling wash over her.  It was good to be loved.  With that thought in mind, she headed back to her sister and the bad news.  "Okay, unless Dad has decided to show up out of the blue and wants to drag me to LA, I doubt this is family related, so what's up?"  Dawn sat back down on the couch next to Buffy.  

"No, no Dad.  Haven't heard from him in months, but this does have to do with the family.  Our real family."  Buffy reached out, grabbing hold of her sister's hand.  She wasn't sure how Dawn was going to react.  "Remember that feeling of being watched I told you about?"

Dawn looked down at their clasped hands suspiciously.  "Sure.  But you told me not to worry about it.  Did something happen?  Did you find out who's been watching you?"  When Buffy told her about the Slayer sense thing, Dawn had taken it in stride.  She was a little more careful when she went out at night, but things like this happened to them all the time.

"Yeah, I did, although I haven't seen him yet."  Buffy caught Dawn's eyes with her own.  She needed the connection when she told her.  "Dawnie, I think its Spike."  Buffy waited for her sister's reaction.

A myriad of emotions played on Dawn's face.  Confusion, happiness, pain, love, anger, joy.  She finally settled on wonder.  She spoke in a whisper.  "Spike?  Spike's been watching you?  He's back in Sunnydale?"  Buffy nodded.  Dawn jumped up from the couch, wonder instantly turning to frustration.  "Where?  Where is he?  Why isn't he here, in the house?  Why is he watching you?  Why hasn't he come to talk to me?  Why, Buffy, why?"  Tears were streaming down Dawn's face.

Buffy pulled her sister back to the couch.  She held Dawn protectively in her arms, letting the younger Summers cry on her shoulder.  "I don't know, Dawn.  I don't know the answer to any of those questions.  I can't even prove to you it's him.  I haven't seen him with my own eyes.  But last night on patrol, it just suddenly made sense.  It has to be Spike.  I know what he feels like.  And he's all around me."  Buffy tried to make her sister laugh.  "God, I sound like Drusilla when I say things like that."

Dawn's muffled voice challenged her.  "Don't ever say that!  You are nothing like Drusilla!"            

"Shhh.  I know.  I'm sorry, Dawn.  I didn't mean it."   Buffy continued to rock her little sister, stroking her long brown hair.  They stayed like that until Dawn's tears were under control.  Then she gently pushed herself out of Buffy's embrace.

"Sorry.  It was just the shock, ya know?  I think about him a lot.  Think about him coming back.  Think about the things I said to him.  Buffy, do you think he's staying away because of me?"  It was Dawn's greatest fear.  Spike left because of her, what if he wasn't coming to Buffy for the same reason?

"No, Dawnie.  It's not you.  I'm alone all the time.  He's had his chance to show himself with no one else around."  Buffy placed caring hands on either side of her sister's face.  "You know Spike loves you.  That's why he took what you said so seriously.  But it was just a fight.  I fight with him all the time.  He doesn't hold grudges.  Not when it comes to the people he loves."  

Dawn smiled at Buffy's reassuring words.  "I still wish I could apologize.  I feel terrible for the things I've said.  I talk about it in therapy sometimes.  But I can't tell the doctor about the fight, not all of it.  I can't explain that I hurt a vampire's feelings by accusing him of killing my sister.  I don't think she'd understand."  

Buffy knew Dawn was right.  The therapist's reaction would probably be locking Dawn in a padded cell.  "No, you can't talk to the doctor, but what about talking to Spike?"  Buffy had an idea.  Maybe it would help both Dawn and the watching vampire let go of something that had driven them apart.

"Talk to Spike?" Dawn questioned.  "How can I talk to him if he's not here?"

Buffy stood up, motioning for her sister to follow her.  She led her outside, to the back porch.  "Talk."

Dawn stared at her.  "Talk?  Talk to who?"

Buffy motioned out into the dark night.  "Talk to Spike.  Dawnie, he's out there.  He's close; I can feel him.  He'll hear you.  Just apologize to him like he's standing right here in front of you."

Dawn wasn't sure.  She would feel stupid talking to the air, but if Buffy was right, maybe this was her chance.  Maybe Spike would come back to them if she apologized.  It's not like it was the weirdest thing she'd ever done in her life.  Tentatively, she reached for Buffy's hand.  She began to speak.

"Spike, I know you can hear me.  I need to apologize.  I'm sorry for what I said.  I didn't mean it.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I did mean some of it.  My therapist told me everything we say, even the bad stuff, has it's own elements of truth.  I was mad at you.  Mad because Buffy was spending so much time with you.  But I was mad at Buffy too.  More than I was at you.  I was lonely, and I felt like my sister wasn't there for me.  That she didn't care about me anymore.  That what she wanted to do was go away, maybe even die again.  It hurt.  But I couldn't tell her that.  I guess I'm as bad as she is sometimes.  I can't tell the people I'm angry with I'm angry, so I take it out on you, because I know you can take it.  But it was wrong of me to do it."

Dawn stopped for a moment.  Buffy squeezed her hand in encouragement.  She took a deep breath before continuing.  "Spike, I know you love us, both of us.  And I know you'll always be there to protect me.  You didn't kill Buffy.  Buffy sacrificed herself for all of us.  If anyone is to blame, it's Glory.  She was the reason everything happened.  All of you working together, and it still almost wasn't enough to stop her.  You did everything you could to save me.  No one could have done more.  You let Glory torture you to protect us.  I don't think I ever thanked you for that, so thank you.  Thank you for putting your life before ours."  The tears were back in Dawn's eyes, but her voice was strong and steady.  "And thank you for being my friend.  I said you weren't my friend, but that was a lie.  You are my friend and I miss you.  If I thought you'd leave, I never would have said those things to you.  I used to cry myself to sleep because I missed you so much.  Even now, I sleep with your duster sometimes.  But I'm sick of living with your memory.  I want you here, with us.  It's where you belong."

Dawn stopped talking.  She looked at Buffy, not knowing what to do next.  "He heard you, Dawnie.  He's still out there.  I can still feel him close by."  Buffy saw Dawn's worry and frustration, but she also saw a glimmer of hope.

"What do I do now?"  Dawn felt better.  Buffy had given her a way to express all the emotions she had been feeling since Spike left.  And if Buffy said he was still there, then Dawn knew Spike had heard her apology.  It was all she could ask for.

"Now we go inside.  You did what you needed to do.  It's up to him."  Buffy and Dawn went back into the house, slowly closing the door behind them.                   

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

It was over a week since Buffy had talked to the Scoobies and her sister about Spike's return.  The gang's research around town about the elusive vamp had been both encouraging and frustrating.  Willow and Tara had visited all the butcher shops in the area.  Some of them vaguely remembered seeing a man matching Spike's description, but they weren't sure.  Xander and Anya had the same experience at the liquor stores.  Maybe it was him, maybe not.  And it wasn't like they could narrow it down to one place.  Spike, if it was him, was hopping all over town.  There was no way they could set up a decent stakeout to catch him.  

Giles was no help.  Buffy had called him several times, leaving messages on his machine.  When she questioned him about it, he confessed to being back in New Orleans, but he wouldn't say why.  And he was avoiding the subject of Spike all together.  Still telling her not to worry about him.  The last conversation between them had ended badly.  Buffy yelling at Giles that if Spike turned her into a vampire, he was the first one she was coming after.         

And Giles wasn't the only one getting the brunt of her anger.  Dawn was spending more and more time at Michael's house, trying to avoid her sister's bad temper.  Buffy was edgy and moody.  Xander refused to help her train, even in the puffy-suit.  The last time she hit him, he had nearly gone through the wall.  Anya had come running into the training room, telling them to keep it down; she had customers.  When she saw Xander lying in a heap on the floor, she rushed to his side.  When she questioned Buffy about it, Buffy had snapped at her, telling her to mind her own business.  Anya had gone toe-to-toe with the Slayer, reminding her that Xander was her business.  Then she ordered Buffy to leave her store.  When Willow found out what had happened, she told Buffy to snap out of it, stop being such a bitch.  That had started a fight between the two friends which only ended when Tara dragged her girlfriend out of the room.  

Buffy's next act of total-non-Buffyness was almost suicidal.  She had come across three Lorial demons on her nightly patrol.  They were big, strong and ugly.  They had razor sharp claws where their fingers should be.  Buffy had no business trying to fight them alone, but she had.  In her twisted mind she thought if Spike saw her in danger, he might come out of the shadows to help.  After several cuts on her arms and body, and several near misses to her throat, she realized she was wrong.  But the demons were strong, not fast.  She had managed to escape.    

So here she was, out patrolling again with her friendly stalker somewhere in the darkness.  Buffy was at the end of her rope.  She couldn't live like this anymore.  She stopped, sitting on the nearest headstone.

"Okay, Spike.  I know you're there.  I know you're watching me.  I know Giles knows you're here.  That pretty much sums up everything I know."  Buffy had encouraged Dawn to talk to the darkness, but this was the first time she had tried it herself.  "I want you to come out right now.  You're being ridiculous.  We'll go back to the house.  I'll make cocoa just the way you like it.  Marshmallows and all.  We can sit down together and talk about whatever is going on."  Buffy waited.  Nothing.  God, this was embarrassing!  Maybe something different.  Pleading?  "Spike, please.  I just want to see you.  No, I need to see you.  I miss you.  Please, come out."  Sexy?  "We can go to your crypt.  I've kept fresh sheets on the bed."

Still nothing.  Buffy wasn't frustrated anymore, she was down-right pissed.  Nice time was over.  The Slayer was taking charge.  "Fine.  You want to be hide-in-the-shadows guy, that's just peachy with me.  You want to watch me?  Then I'll give you something to watch.  But remember, I'm just playing by your rules.  So don't get mad at me when you don't like what you see!"        

Buffy stalked out of the cemetery.  Big Bad, evil, soulless lurker.  I'll make him wish he was dead – again.  

Buffy walked through the front door of the Summers' house, still muttering to herself.  She slammed the door behind her.  The sound making Michael and Dawn jump.  They had been listening to music in the living room.  Dawn followed her sister into the kitchen, giving Michael an apologetic look over her shoulder as she went.  When she caught up with her, Buffy was dialing the telephone.

"Buffy, it's almost eleven.  Who are you –"  Dawn didn't get to finish.  Someone on the other end of the phone answered.

"Hey, Cordy.  It's Buffy.  I need to talk to Angel.  NOW."  The Slayer had a plan.

----TBC  


	12. Battle Plans

Summary:       Buffy has a plan to bring Spike out of the shadows.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 12 - Battle Plans 

"So let me get this straight," Xander started, "you are going to make Spike jealous?  By using Angel?  Buffy, this has got to be the worst plan in the history of worst plans.  Are you out of your mind?  Have you given any thought to what he'll do to the two of you?"  

Everyone was sitting in the Summers' living room, stunned at what Buffy was proposing.  She had called Angel the night before, asking for help.  "Whatever he does, he'll have to come out and face me to do it.  I've tried everything else I can think of.  This is the answer."  Buffy had on her resolve face.  No one was going to make her change her mind.

"What I don't get is how you got Angel to agree.  Not the biggest fan of the Spike-Buffy relationship."  Tara nodded her agreement with Willow's observation.  When Buffy had told Angel that she was in love with his wayward childe, the explosion in LA probably sent shock waves all the way to NY.   

"He's my friend.  He wants me to be happy."  Buffy didn't add the part about Angel seeing this as the perfect opportunity to torture Spike.  Ever since she had gone to LA a few months ago to fill Angel in on exactly what had been going on in her life, the older vampire had been dieing to get his hands on Spike.  Truthfully, but sadly, both of them knew the great-love they once shared was all but a memory.  Too much time had passed.  They were different people now.  And although both had gone through horrible experiences, they wouldn't trade what they had now for anything.  Angel had his own family, his own friends.  They were his world.  "It took longer for me to convince Cordelia to go along with it than it did to convince Angel.  She even wanted to come along to monitor the situation, but Angel put a stop to that.  The last thing we need is a jealous minor demon mucking up a perfectly good plan." 

"But a jealous master vampire is okey-dokey."  Xander was going to try one last time.  "Buf, this isn't going to work.  Spike is not going to fall for it.  He's going to KNOW what you're doing."

"Probably.  But that's why I need Angel."  Buffy needed her friends on board with this.  "Don't you understand?  When I kissed Nick, I felt that he was angry.  Everything else has just been this vague sense about him.  If he was jealous enough to put off those kind of vibes about a kiss with a guy he doesn't even know, he'll flip if he sees me with Angel.  Even though he'll know it's a trick, he won't be able to contain himself.  Only Angel has that power over him."

"Angel and you."  Dawn was worried like the rest of the Scoobies, but she thought Buffy's plan had merit.  Either Spike would come after the ex-lovers or he would leave town, not being able to stand seeing the two of them together.

"Well, I for one, think it will work."  Anya said to the group.  All eyes turning to look at her.  "Spike is a very possessive man.  His own jealousy, fueled by the demon will force him to stop Angel from invading what he perceives as his territory."  

"I'm not sure I like being called territory, but thank you, Anya."  Buffy was pleased that someone was on her side.

Anya just smiled.  She appreciated it when her friends found her advice helpful.  "Yes, well, jealousy, revenge, it was sort of my forte, you know.  Don't go around inflicting pain for a thousand years without picking up on a few things."  

Xander scowled at Anya.  "I don't like it.  I don't like it at all.  It's a bad, bad, bad idea."

Buffy was annoyed.  "Then don't come.  You don't have to be there when it happens.  I was hoping for a little support, and maybe back-up, but I can do this without you."  Bitchy-Buffy knew the words were wrong the second after they left her mouth.  She had hurt Xander.  Just because she was frustrated didn't mean she should continue taking it out on him.  Buffy knelt in front of him, the apology plain on her face.  "Xan, I'm sorry.  And I'm wrong.  I do need you there.  I do need your support.  I know I've been out of control lately.  And I apologize for the training incident.  But if I don't take care of this, it's only going to get worse.  Will you help me?"          

Xander looked at the anxious Slayer.  Buffy was trying to get her life back, he knew that.  Maybe this was the only way.  At least with Angel there, things wouldn't get too far out of control.  If Spike went wonky, Angel could handle him.  Or they'd stake each other.  Also, not of the bad.  "Okay, I'm in."

"Dawn can spend the night at our apartment, " Tara volunteered.  Buffy had been through too much in the last year.  She deserved a happy ending.  "I don't think you will want her in the house when you to, uh, make-up?"  Willow raised an eyebrow in her girlfriend's direction.  Tara just shrugged her shoulders.

"Ew!"  Dawn scrunched her nose as she talked.  "I hadn't thought about that.  No, I don't want to be anywhere near the house.  Maybe I could move in with you permanently."  Buffy lightly punched her in the arm.  

"Seems it's up to you, Will."  Xander said to the remaining Scooby.  "In or out?"  

Willow slung her arm around Buffy's shoulders.  "In.  You can always count on me.  Besides, I don't want to miss the fireworks."

Buffy hugged her best friend.  "I love you guys.  Okay, let's go over this one more time…"

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

To the casual observer, it was just another week in the Summers' household.  To the trained eye, it was apparent the Slayer was going to war.  Armor and weapons (a new ultra-sexy outfit for Buffy, along with matching lingerie), rations (blood that had been bought at Willy's), blockades (new dark, heavy curtains that hung in the master bedroom), allies (phone calls made to Angel to confirm his participation), battle strategy (figuring out the best or worst things Angel could do to Buffy).  It was going to be a surprise attack.  The enemy didn't have a chance.      

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Buffy, Michael's here."  Dawn walked into her sister's room.  Buffy had just finished with her shower.  She was sitting on the bed, staring into space.  Dawn sat down next to her. 

Buffy was trembling.  "Dawnie, what if it doesn't work?  What if he doesn't come for me?"  Some time in the past few days, Buffy's anger had turned to self-doubt.  "What if he doesn't want me?"  

Dawn laughed.  She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't help it.  "Yeah, Spike doesn't want you.  Buffy he's totaling in love with you.  That doesn't just go away, you know.  He's been your shadow for like three weeks now.  He just needs a push.  I'm sure he'll have an explanation for what's been going on.  Trust me.  And if you can't do that, trust yourself.  You're the one who's been feeling him.  DOES he still want you?"

Buffy thought about it.  Yes, he did want her.  Under everything she had been feeling about his presence, there was a sense of longing.  "When did you get to be so smart?" Buffy asked.  "I'm supposed to be the wise older sister."  

Dawn hugged her.  "Normally you are, but Spike has a tendency to throw you off balance.  Now, like I was saying when I walked in, Michael's here.  We're gonna pick up something to eat, then meet you at the Bronze."  

"Okay.  Tell him I said hi, and I'll see the two of you later."  Buffy watched her sister leave the room.  She stood up, facing herself in her mirror.  "Now or never."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY             

When Buffy, Xander and Anya walked in, Willow and Tara were already seated at a table.  Hellos were exchanged and drinks were ordered.  Now all they had to do was wait.

"Buffy, is he here?"  Tara leaned over to ask the Slayer who had been surveying the crowded club.

Buffy took a one more quick glance around the room.  With the people and the noise it was hard to pick him up, but she did.  "Around somewhere.  Can't pinpoint the location.  I think he moves around, so I can't get a lock on him."

"Buf, you sound like your trying to identify a target for a missile launch, " Xander said, then switching topics, but not really switching topics, "When's brood-boy getting here?"

Buffy turned her attention back to the group.  No use looking for someone who didn't want to be seen.  He'd be coming out to play soon enough.  "Sometime after ten.  He said it depended on the traffic.  I didn't want him to arrive too early.  Afraid Spike would sense him.  What time is it now?"

"A little after eight."  Willow answered.  She, like the others, was full of tension and useless energy.  "Let's dance or something.  Sitting doing nothing is giving me the heebie-jeebies."          

"You guys go ahead and dance.  I'll just wait here."  Buffy was brooding.  No other way to describe it.  And she knew it.  Hang around vampires long enough, you pick on some of their more annoying traits, she thought. 

"Xander, you go with the girls.  I'll stay here with Buffy."  Buffy had helped Anya cope after the almost-wedding.  She wanted to return the favor.  After the others were gone she said, "I like your outfit.  Very come-get-me."

"Not too much slut puppy?"  Buffy looked down at what she was wearing.  Basically it was nothing.  A few strips of fabric to cover the most important parts, but not much else.  

"I wouldn't where it on a job interview, but I think it's perfect for the occasion.  May I borrow it sometime?"  Anya beamed at her friend.       

"If it's in one piece when the night is over, sure."  Buffy loosened up.  Anya was good company when she wanted to be.  

"Oh, in that case, I'll never see it."  Anya had made the effort to be more human.  What Spike had written in his letter had made her think.  It was her duty to be their link to the day-to-day world.  She felt honored to have such a special calling.  "So, how many different sexual positions do you anticipate being in later this evening?"

Buffy almost choked on her drink.   

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

During her conversation with Anya, Buffy relaxed a little.  The ex-demon had a way about her, Buffy admitted.  She danced with her friends and played one game of pool with Xander.  Well, half a game.  She couldn't lean over the table in her skirt.  Way too short.  Xander almost fainted when he caught a glimpse of her barely-there underwear.  After that, he played with some guys he knew from work.  Michael joined them when he arrived.  

Dawn had made a beeline for her sister and her friends, waving at some people she knew, but not stopping to talk.  "What's the sitch?"  

"Waiting.  Boredom and waiting.  How was dinner?"  Buffy wanted something other than Spike to occupy her mind.

"It was okay.  We ran into Rachel Burton."  Dawn explained about the almost-boyfriend-stealing incident.  "She thinks that just because I'm a year younger than Michael, I shouldn't be dating him.  She can be such a bitch."

Instinctively, Buffy interjected.  "Dawn, watch your language."  The teen rolled her eyes, but continued her story.  Much discussion was had about the non-ethics of boyfriend stealing.  Then, Buffy stopped the conversation with one word, "Angel."

All the girls turned as the handsome vampire made his way to their table.  "Hi, everyone.  Buffy."  Angel leaned over, giving Buffy a long, lusty kiss.  

At first she was shocked, then she remembered – Spike.  She recovered quickly, putting her arms around the dark vampire, pulling him closer to her.  It wasn't difficult to act interested.  Angel had always been a good kisser.  When they finally broke apart, she stayed close to whisper in his ear.  "So glad Cordy isn't here.  She'd kill both of us for that.  Thanks for coming."

Angel disengaged himself from his once-love.  "Like I had a choice.  Once Cordelia had a chance to think about it, she was pushing me out the door.  She likes the idea of you having your own vamp to drool over.  Makes her a little less afraid you'll come back for hers." 

Xander had walked up to the table when he saw Angel arrive, followed by a very confused Michael.  "And how is the Mistress of Pain?"  Xander had a hard time imagining Cordelia and Angel as a couple.  He still wasn't sure who he felt sorry for in that relationship.

"She's fine.  I left her to deal with Connor.  She seems to be the only one he connects with."  Angel pushed the problems with his teenage son from his mind.  He had other things to think about tonight."  But I do have pictures.  We sort of had a birthday party for him a few weeks ago."  Pictures of the party were passed around the table.  

"I still have a hard time thinking of you with a child, let alone a teenager."  Buffy had been amazed when she heard about Connor.  Shocked when she learned Darla was his mother.  And completely in love the first time she held him.  She knew his kidnapping had almost destroyed Angel.  And Connor's attitude since his return from the hell dimension was just pushing Angel closer and closer to a meltdown.  

"Does take some getting used to, but he's my son and I love him."  As he collected the pictures, Angel realized there was someone in the group he didn't know.  "And who might you be?"  

Dawn jumped out of her seat.  "Oh my God, I almost forgot.  Angel, this is my boyfriend Michael.  Michael, this is our friend Angel."

Michael shook hands with the man standing next to his girlfriend's sister.  If the hand was colder than he had expected it to be, he kept it to himself.  "Nice to meet you, sir."

"The pleasure is all mine.  I've heard a lot about you.  Good things, from Buffy.  I'm glad you are taking such good care of our little Dawn."  Angel looked pointedly at the young man.  There was an underlying threat in that statement.  Because if you don't take care of her…                   

Buffy punched Angel in the arm, bringing his attention back to her.  "Don't scare him like that.  He's going to have a hard enough time dealing with – " Buffy didn't finish her sentence.  Almost forgot the reason for the visit, stupid!  "Dawn, why don't you and Michael dance."

"But, Buffy!"  Dawn wanted to know what was going on.  Angel was here now, things would start to happen soon.

"Dawnie, Angel and I need to talk about his, um, OTHER relative.  I'm sure Michael would find it very boring."  The full force of Buffy's meaning was expressed through her eyes.  

Dawn looked at Michael, then back at Buffy.  "Oh, yeah, boring.  Right.  Michael, let's dance."  Dawn dragged her boyfriend onto the floor before he could protest.

Angel had watched the scene with amusement.  "So, he still doesn't know?"  Angel was amazed the group had kept it a secret this long.  

"Nope, and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as possible.  Since he's gone, let's get back to business."  Sister-Buffy was gone.  The Slayer was in her place.

"You aren't crazy.  He's here.  And he's pissed at seeing me.  First there was shock, while I was kissing you murderous intent, now just a good health dose of jealousy and rage."  Angel kept his words soft.  He knew it was hard to hear over the din of the music, but he didn't want Spike's vampire ears to pick up their conversation.

"You got all that?  All I felt was his presence."  Buffy was a bit miffed.

"You might be the Slayer, but I'm a vampire.  A vampire from his line.  I pick up on more than you do."  Angel looked at the others around the table.  "Is everyone ready?  I don't want to fight him in the club.  We take this outside as fast as possible.  And try to keep the spectators back.  Two master vampires and a Slayer in a fight will have a tendency to draw a crowd."  The others nodded in agreement.  Angel took Buffy's hand.  "I think it's time you and I took a turn on the dance floor."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy looked up into Angel's eyes.  The band was cooperating; they had danced to three slow songs.  "Is something wrong?"

Angel didn't know what to say.  He was trying to concentrate on two things at once.  One, he was keeping tabs on the vampire watching them.  Two, he was acting infatuated with the woman in his arms.  He had kissed her several more times.  He had run his hand up and down her back, brushing along her butt before settling at her hip.  He had even nuzzled her neck.  The entire time, he could feel the rage building in his childe, but there was something keeping him in line.  Like he had a secret.  A thought occurred to Angel causing a flash of gold to pass in his brown eyes.  His next words escaped through clenched teeth.  "Buffy, did Spike ever… bite you?"    

---TBC    


	13. Meeting the Enemy

**Sorry it took so long to get these two chapters up.  I was on vacation.  But then again, that was the reason I left it with Angel's question hanging in the air.  Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing.  I appreciate the support!!  **

Summary:       Embarrassment, embarrassment, embarrassment, and, Spike makes his entrance.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

**Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes **

**Chapter 13 - Meeting the Enemy**

Buffy blushed, then stammered over the words as she replied to Angel' question.  "Once, just once.  He, uh, uhm, it's not like he was feeding or anything.  It was an accident – really.  We were… well, we were doing what we were doing.  And he sort of got, caught up in the moment?"  Buffy refused to look at Angel.  She just KNEW what she would see in his eyes.  "As soon as he realized what he was doing, he, uh, stopped."  Buffy had NOT wanted to tell Angel about this.  

Angel kept his anger in check.  Which was difficult with thoughts of 'kill, maim, destroy' running through his brain.  "Where?  It's not on your neck."  Now Angel knew what Spike's secret was.  He knew Angel didn't know about the bite, hadn't seen it.  If he had, Angel would be taunting the younger vampire with the knowledge.  

Again Buffy stammered.  God, this was embarrassing!  She ducked her head into Angel's shoulder, muffling the response.  "On my breast."  In LA, she had told Angel everything about her relationship with Spike, but this.  Just this one, teensy thing she had tried to keep to herself.      

"Tell me exactly where it is."  Angel needed to know.  He wanted to draw his childe out.  Now he had another reason to hit him.  

Buffy's words were still muffled since she refused to raise her head from the confines of his shoulder, but Angel heard them.  "On my right breast.  About on inch above my… nipple."  If she turned any redder… She was going to kill Spike for this!  "Why?"  The question came out more as a squeak.

Angel lifted Buffy's chin.  "Don't act shocked.  Just go with it and be prepared.  I think I found the way to push him over the edge."  Buffy nodded hesitantly.  Angel pulled away from her slightly.  The hand that had been resting on her hip crept up her side, sliding into place under her breast.  Slowly, Angel used his thumb to caress the mark left by the other vamp.  Now, Buffy understood.  She leaned her head back slightly, closing her eyes, barely opening her mouth and exposing her neck.

One second Angel was holding her, the next he was gone.  Buffy opened her eyes to see him being thrown half way across the dance floor.

"You, bloody bastard!"  Spike was standing over his Grand-sire.  "I'll kill you for touching what's mine!"  The dancers had parted to watch the scene.  No one seemed to notice the man spewing threats of violence wasn't a man, but a vampire in full game face.  

"Is that how you care for what's yours, William?  Leaving it unprotected for months.  I think you've lost your rights when it comes to the girl."  Angel was still on the floor, taunting Spike from his prone position.  "But if you want to fight over her, let's take it outside.  More room for damage."             

Spike curtly nodded his reply.  He turned, pushing passed Buffy as he headed for the door.  Angel stood up and walked towards her.  "Get the rest of them.  Meet us outside.  I want a few words with my childe before I turn him over to you."

Buffy was in shock.  She hadn't moved during the entire confrontation.  "He didn't even look at me.  He didn't even acknowledge my existence."  

Angel placed a hand on Buffy's shoulder.  "Warrior ways, Slayer.  He needs to deal with me first.  I'm the enemy.  Once it's over, he'll turn to you.  He can't let you cloud his judgment in battle.  Buffy, you should know this."  

Buffy shook her head to clear the daze she was in.  "Right.  Battle.  Go after him.  I'll get the others.  And Angel, once I step in, don't let anyone interfere.  I have a few things to settle with him myself."  Buffy walked over to the Scoobies.  They were already standing, waiting for her to join them.  Angel made his way outside.

"What the hell was all that?" Xander asked when Buffy was close enough to hear him.  "Could Angel have groped you any more?"  

Buffy was in full Slayer mode.  "He was doing his job.  Come on, we need to be outside.  Where's Dawn?"  

"I'm right here."  Dawn had pushed her way across the room.  "That was some show."  She had watched everything from her table in the corner.  She had left a stunned Michael sitting there as she made her way over to her sister.

"One time only event.  Hope no one missed it.  There will NOT be a repeat performance."  Buffy was already walking towards the door.  

"More like Act I.  Now gearing up for Act II."  Xander mumbled as the group headed out into the night.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sounds of battle came rushing at the Scoobies as they turned the corner into the alley next to the Bronze.  The first thing they saw was Spike being flipped over Angel's shoulders onto the hard pavement.  Both vampires were in full game face now.  This was serious.  In between punches, kicks and guttural growls, an argument could be heard.

"She was mine long before she was yours, Spikey.  What is this need you have to go after my women?  First Dru, now Buffy.  I see a pattern."  Angel finished his sentence with a kick to Spike's gut.

Spike stumbled back from the force of the kick.  "Never yours.  You never claimed her.  That bite on her neck may be your mark, but you never claimed her."  He threw himself at Angel, knocking both of them to the ground, punching the older vamp with everything he had.

"Buffy, what are they talking about?"  Willow asked her best friend.  Buffy just held up her hand, stopping Willow from continuing.  She needed to hear what was being said.

Angel was back on top again.  "And neither did you."  Angel's fist connected with Spike's jaw.  "Still just a boy.  Still only thinking of yourself.  You left her for months.  Weren't here to protect her.  She needs a man, not a sniveling child who creeps in shadows."

"Oh, and that man is you?"  The vampires had changed positions again, now standing.  Spike threw a series of punches, one connecting with Angel's jaw.  "You weren't man enough to stay and fight for her the first time, what makes you think you're man enough to do it now?"

Angel pushed the younger vampire away from him.  This is what he and Buffy had discussed.  The moment of truth.  "Because I love her, you don't.  You can't."

Fresh anger rose in Spike's golden eyes.  "I CAN love her.  Don't you ever tell me who I can and can't love.  She's mine.  For now, for always."

That's when the Slayer took over.  Buffy made her way into the thick of battle.  Spike's back was towards her, so he didn't see her approach.  One minute he was set on punching Angel, the next he was being swung around, landing face to face with his love.  

"And that's how you prove you love me?  By leaving town.  No word from you for months.  I thought you were dust.  Then suddenly your back, but you still won't come to me?"  Buffy was enraged.  

Spike's slid out of vampire face as he listened to her speak.  He hadn't known she was standing there.  He was so caught up in the fight with his Grand-sire, he hadn't noticed anything else.  Months of wanting to see her, then weeks of seeing her and wanting to touch her, now she was standing right in front of him.  Spike stretched out his hand.  Just need to touch her, he thought.  A single word escaped his lips, almost a prayer, "Buffy."  

The Slayer swung hard.  A full strength punch that landed right in his face, throwing Spike back against the alley wall.  "What IS it with you people and my nose?"  Spike just sat there, checking for breaks.  Angel had hit him plenty during their interrupted quarrel with no real effects.  Why was it Buffy's punches always managed to break something?

Buffy walked over to him.  "Get up."  Spike continued to sit in front of her.  "I said, get up.  We're not finished yet."  Buffy leaned down, grabbing Spike's shirt, pulling him off the ground.  The minute he was standing, she punched him again.  

This time, Spike was expecting it.  He stumbled, but didn't fall.  Again he brought his hand up to check for damage.  He looked back at the Slayer, a tinge of malice in his stormy blue eyes.  "Baby wants to play.  Come on then, Slayer.  I've been waiting a long time for my good day."                

As soon as Buffy had entered the fight, Angel had made his way over to the rest of the group.  He wasn't sure any of them should be watching this, especially Dawn.  But Buffy had wanted them there.  She told the others it was just in case something went wrong.  But she had confided in him it was something else.  She knew Spike really wouldn't hurt her.  The longest, most grueling talks she had with her friends had been about the danger involved with Spike.  None of them were trained fighters.  They didn't understand the difference between defense and offense in a battle.  You didn't always need to be on the attack to be effective.  Buffy and Spike might fight, but his priority was to protect himself, not inflict pain on her.  Buffy thought if they saw it first hand, she might be able to explain it better the next time the subject came up.  

Xander pulled a stake out of his jacket pocket.  Spike had just threatened to kill Buffy.  He wasn't planning on passively watching while that happened.  As he made a move forward, Angel grabbed his arm.  "Buffy said no interference.  She can take care of herself."  Xander tried to pull out of the vampire's grasp.  "Xander!  You will only distract her.  She can't concentrate on Spike and you at the same time."  

Reluctantly Xander stepped back into the group.  "If he hurts her, I'll dust him, then I'll dust you."  Angel nodded his head in agreement.  The men had come to an understanding.          

Angel turned his attention back to the fight.  For the first time, he understood why Spike called it a dance.  It had been a long time since he had seen the two of them fight.  And now, the opponents knew each other.  Knew the style, could anticipate the moves.  It was like watching an intimate waltz with two experienced partners.  Buffy kicked, Spike blocked.  Spike threw her away from him, Buffy landed on her feet.  They dodged, sidestepped and darted around each other.  It was beautiful.  

"I swear I'm going to rip your head off your body with my own two hands."  Buffy landed another kick to Spike's ribs.  She heard some of them crack.  She was taking all her pent up frustration out on the blond vamp.  She had been anticipating this since his departure months ago.  

Spike bounced around her, jabbing out the air, blocking her next set of punches.  "Bit out of practice, aren't we, Slayer?  No witty puns?  Blatant threats were never your style."

"Things change, Spikey."  Buffy's roundhouse kick connected with his shoulder.  "Seems you're the one out of practice.  You should have dodged that."

A new voice could be heard over the fighting.  "What the hell is going on?!"  Michael had walked up behind the Scoobies.  He was shocked to see Dawn's petite older sister engaged in a fistfight with the man who had started the skirmish in the club.  "Isn't anybody going to stop this?  Buffy could get hurt!"

Dawn ran over to her boyfriend.  The others not sure what to do about the unwelcome guest.  Dawn had completely forgotten about him when the fighting started.  She didn't want him to see this.  She wasn't sure she could explain it.  "Michael, it's okay.  It looks worse than it really is.  Buffy and Spike just need to work out some stuff."  She was frantically trying to block Michael's view.

"That's the guy who broke-up with your sister?"  Michael watched as Spike landed a solid punch to Buffy's mid-section.  "Dawn, exactly what type of fight did the two of you have?  Did he hurt you?" 

Spike's vampire hearing picked up the last comment.  For the moment, he forgot about Buffy as he walked towards the two teenagers.  "Now, listen here, boy.  I'd NEVER hurt the Nibblet.  But I'd find great pleasure in hurting you.  If you've laid one hand on her…"  Vampire gold rose in Spike's eyes.

Buffy quickly recovered from Spike's unceremonious dismissal.  She placed herself between him and Michael, pushing him away from the young man.  Their fight placed on the back burner for a moment.  "Spike, you leave him out of this.  He's only trying to protect Dawn.  You will NOT threaten him."

Spike's eyes never left the youth (who, to his credit, hadn't backed down from the vampire's challenge) as he answered the blond in front of him.  "He said I hurt the Nibblet.  And I've seen the two of them getting all hot and bothered on the front porch, so don't tell me nothing's going on."        

The color drained from Dawn's face.  Buffy just rolled her eyes.  "She's a teenager.  It's going to happen.  I've been keeping an eye on things."  Spike's protective nature warmed Buffy's heart.  "I told you if you kept watching, you weren't going to like what you saw."  

Spike's eyes were now directed back on the Slayer.  His anger at her instantly returning.  "Of course what else could I expect from her?  She is living with you.  Do you parade all your conquests in front of her, or just Peaches.  That was quite a demonstration of your technique on the dance floor earlier.  Were you planning on letting him take you right there?  Have the witches found a way to anchor his bloody soul?  Is that how you've managed to shag him without Angelus getting out of the bottle?"  

The physical fighting had stopped, but the words hurt more than the punches.  Buffy sucked in her breath.  "How dare you!"  

Spike gave her a lecherous grin.  "Sorry, pet.  A little too close to home?  Don't want the others to hear about your wanton ways.  I could tell them stories, I bet.  Some that would even make the demon-girl blush.  Maybe Daddy and I should compare notes."  

Buffy screamed into the air.  "You bastard!"  She launched a full frontal attack.  Within seconds, she had Spike pinned to the back wall of the alley.  Buffy was beating on his chest with her fist.  "I'll kill you for that.  How could you say…  No one, no one has touched me since you stopped touching me.  I haven't been with Angel.  I haven't been with anyone since you.  You do those things to me, make me want you, make me believe you love me, promise you'll never leave, and then you're gone."  Buffy's punches had lost their power.  She was no longer a Slayer fighting with her enemy.  She was a hurt woman, pounding non-violent fists on the chest of the man who loved her, trying to understand why he left.  Tears streamed down her face.  "Gone.  And I missed you.  I needed you.  I finally figured out what I wanted, but you weren't here.  Just that damn duster and that damn note.  But you weren't here."  The last was said with a heart-wrenching sob.               

Slowly, Spike slid down the wall behind him, taking Buffy with him as he went.  By the time he landed on the pavement below, she was sitting in his lap.  He was stroking her hair, holding her close in his arms.  She was sobbing into his chest, arms locked around his neck.  Why did they always hurt each other, he thought.  "Luv, I'm sorry.  It's going to be okay.  I'm here, Buffy, I'm here for you."  He didn't know how to handle her tears.  Her anger, her passion, yes, but not her tears.  "I'm not going to leave.  I'm right here.  Just let it out.  I'm right here."   

Buffy's friends watched from across the alley.  Only Angel could hear Spike's whispered words of apology and comfort.  The others could only stare at the vampire holding the Slayer in his arms.  Dawn heard Buffy cry like that once before, the first night Spike left.  Xander never knew Buffy could sound that defeated.  Tara remembered feeling that way when she had broken up with Willow.  Willow wanted to go to her friend, offer comfort, but she knew Spike would take care of her.  Anya knew it was time to leave the couple alone.

"I think we should go back inside.  We aren't needed here anymore."  Anya spoke in a low voice, not wanting to disturb Spike and Buffy.  

Xander couldn't tear his gaze away from them.  So much pain, he thought.  He pulled Anya closer to him.  Tara tightly hugged Willow.  Dawn rested her head on her confused boyfriend's shoulder.  Michael whispered in Dawn's ear.  "We need to talk."  

Dawn brushed a single tear from her cheek.  She knew Michael was concerned.  And she still didn't know what she was going to say to him.  How she was going to make him understand.  All the violence, the hurtful words, but she was happy.  She had her family back.  She answered him the only way she could.  "Later."

As Angel cast a finally look at his childe and his ex-love, the small group made their way back inside the Bronze.           

---TBC


	14. Perfect

Rated:           Serious R value.  About the same as other sex scenes I've read at FanFiction.net, but this is a warning.  If you don't like sex scenes, or shouldn't be reading them – then don't.  

Summary:       Buffy and Spike make-up (big surprise).  They stop by his hotel to pick up his stuff, then go back to the Summers' house.   

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 14 - Perfect 

Neither the Master Vampire, nor the Slayer sitting in his arms saw the group leave.  Neither would have cared.  For months Buffy had haunted Spike.  Faith's letters were worn around the edges from frequent reading.  With every petite blond that walked into Slayers, an unrealistic hope rose in his chest that Buffy had found him.  When he watched television, inevitably his eyes would wander to her photograph at the top.  Watching her these past weeks had been sweet torture.  She filled his dreams, both awake and asleep.  And now she was in his arms.  He continued whispering comforting words in her ear as she cried, letting his hand run through her hair and down her back.  Just to touch her again…

Buffy refused to loosen the grip she had around his neck.  If she did, she would have to look at his face.  What if it was another dream?  What if she was imagining his voice like she had so many nights in the past?  What if when she looked up, she was alone again, face pressed into the cool pillow on her bed, not the cool chest of the vampire she had longed for?  Buffy didn't want to face reality; it would only hurt.  Even a Slayer could only take so much pain.

Spike couldn't stand the tears any longer.  "Buffy, you've got to stop crying."  He placed a kiss on her forehead.  "Please, luv.  This isn't the Slayer I left.  You're going to drown her in all those tears."  Spike continued to kiss her.  At least the parts he could reach – her forehead, her temple, the delicate skin on the inside of the arm laced around his neck.  

"Don't want to."  Buffy was talking into his chest.  She knew she sounded like a child, but it felt so GOOD to be held like this… protected instead of protecting.  "Just a dream.  Only a dream.  Don't want to wake up."  Her tears were subsiding.  She was fascinated by the feel of Spike's lips on her arm.  Had her arms always been this sensitive?

She could feel the rumbling in his chest as he quietly laughed.  "So, you dream about me, Slayer?  Are they all honeyed words and tender kisses?"  Spike placed another set of whispered kisses to her arm.  "Or do they have more 'bite' to them?"  Spike bent his head.  With human teeth, he scraped the inside of Buffy's elbow.  A shiver ran through her entire body.  With that encouragement, Spike continued his assault on the sensitive area, scratching the surface with his dull teeth, licking the tender flesh.  

Buffy loosened her grip enough to press her arm into his mouth, letting him completely devour the area.  Slowly she moved her head from his chest to the side of his neck, mimicking his actions on his own sensitive skin.  Spike started to purr.  The sound caused Buffy to wiggle in his lap, her excuse for a skirt riding higher up her thighs.  In seconds Spike's hands found the newly exposed flesh.  His fingers gripping at her, pulling her closer.  He broke the contact with her arm, needing to find her lips.

As he nuzzled at her neck, encouraging her to look up at him, Buffy's hands started exploring his chest, his arms, pushing him farther down the wall at his back.  Sharp lines, solid muscles, cool skin.  This wasn't one of her dreams; this was so much better.  By the time she finally looked up at him, Spike was practically lying on the alley floor, Buffy sprawled on top of him.  Hazel eyes met blue, both filled with desire, longing, and something more.  Their mouths inches apart.

Spike raised one hand to the side of Buffy's face, caressing her cheek.  Slowly the tip of his tongue touched her lips, tracing their outline, then retreated back into his mouth, magically pulling her forward to follow.  Buffy hesitated for a moment before claiming him.  It was an unusual kiss for them, sweet and tender, not full of violence and hunger.  Spike's mouth opened under hers, his tongue darting into hers.  A moan escaped from Buffy's throat.  

Spike broke the passionate kiss.  "Missed you."  Buffy smiled, leaning forward again to continue where they left off.  She was stopped by Spike's next words.  "Luv, we can't."  Confusion filled her eyes, mixed with the pain of his rejection.  Spike smirked at her.  "No, luv, we will.  Trust me.  But not here."  Spike was pushing them back into a sitting position.  "Don't fancy being interrupted by Peaches or the Scoobies when they come out to check on us." 

Buffy leaned into him again, hands still exploring under his shirt.  "They won't.  I told them not to bother us."  She was pulling Spike's body towards hers.  "Need you."  Her lips almost touched his before he pulled back again.

"Buffy, no, not here."  He gently pushed her off his lap in an attempt to stand.  "I won't take you in an alley again when I have a perfectly good bed waiting minutes away.  I don't want it to be like that."  Buffy looked up at him from her place on the pavement.  Spike held out his hand to help her stand.  She stared at it, not reaching back.  "Slayer, are you coming or not?"  Spike was getting worried.  Is that all she wanted?  A little rough and tumble in the alley?  Something she could deny to herself in the morning?  Is that where things still stood between them?                      

Buffy's eyes moved from his outstretched hand to his agitated eyes.  The instant he had broken their physical contact, Buffy realized how tired she was.  Months, hell years of fighting.  Fighting him, fighting herself.  God, she was just so tired.  "Can't stand."  It was all she could say.

Relief washed over Spike's face.  He bent over, picking the petite blond up in his arms.  "Should have said that in the first place."  Buffy snuggled into his arms as Spike left the alley, heading towards his car.  "Slayer, have you gained weight?  I remember you being much lighter than this."

Buffy jerked her head up to look at him.  There was fire in her eyes.  A slow smile spread across Spike's face.  "There's my girl.  I wondered where she was hiding.  All those tears and sweet words.  Almost thought she had disappeared."  Spike stopped in front of a black Cadillac.  He let Buffy slide down his body, delighting in the contact, leaning her against the side door of the car.

"You're going to pay for that."  Buffy's eyes were serious, but not threatening.  

Spike looked at her.  His voice almost a purr as he spoke.  "And whatcha ya gonna to do, Slayer?  Stake me good and proper?" 

Buffy scooted closer to Spike, if it were possible.  One hand she placed on the back of his neck, drawing him down to her mouth.  Her other hand ran down the plains of his chest, past the top of his jeans, and settled in front of the bulge in his pants.  She ran her tongue along the chords of his neck, up around his ear, stopping to nibble on the lobe.  As she gently squeezed the erection through the roughness of his jeans, she whispered huskily into his ear.  "I'm going to run my hands over every inch of you, from head to toe.  Then I'm going to start all over again with my mouth.  I'm going to make you moan and beg for me, but I won't let you have what you want until I'm down.  Then, I'm going to take you inside me so slow it will be like torture, inch by inch, pulling back each time before I slide down a little further.  And when you can't stand it anymore, I'm going squeeze those Slayer muscles you love so much.  I'm going to make you scream my name."  Buffy backed away from him, running her tongue over her swollen bottom lip.  "Any questions?"

A growl escaped from deep in Spike's throat before he crushed his mouth to hers.  He lifted her again, slamming her back into the car.  His hands road up her thighs, sliding under her skirt until they were clutching her bare bottom.  Christ, he thought, she's wearing a thong.  As he continued his brutal attack on her mouth, his fingers crawled closer to where they most desperately wanted to be.  The smell of her enveloped him.  

Before Spike could touch her where she most wanted to be touched, Buffy broke the kiss.  Breathlessly she said, "Spike, not here, remember?"  

Right that moment Spike didn't care where they were.  "Bugger me."  He reluctantly pulled back, letting her legs fall to the ground.  He reached inside his pocket for the keys to the car.  If he didn't have her soon…

Buffy watched as he tried to unlock the car door.  This felt so good!  No secrets from her friends.  No shame at wanting to be with him.  To honestly tell him exactly what she wanted to do.  To delight in the reaction she got from him because of it.  It was pure power and it sent a rush straight through her.  She giggled.  "Spike, you're shaking."

He opened the door and grabbed her, almost throwing her inside.  "Of course I'm shaking.  You've never said anything like that to me before."  He sat down behind the wheel, running his hands through his short blond hair.  "Almost came right there, I did."  Spike let out on unnecessary breath as he started the engine.

Before he could think, Buffy was in his lap again.  "We wouldn't want that to happen, now would we."  She was wiggling her bottom, taunting him through his snug jeans.  "You'll just have to drive fast, I guess, because I'm not gonna stop."

Spike used one hand to support Buffy's back, while he gripped the steering wheel with the other as he began to drive.  "Buffy luv, this isn't fair.  I can't touch you while I'm driving."

Buffy's hands stopped their exploration.  "You're right.  It isn't fair."  She didn't remove her hands from the inside of his shirt.  Didn't want to break the contact.  Couldn't.  Instead she just sat there in his lap.  Breathing in the scent of him.  Memorizing the feel of him under her hands.  She had learned so much since he was gone.  Had learned to accept the fact that this was her life.  No more running, no more hiding.  She was in love with a vampire – again.  But this time, she wasn't going to let him go.  She realized she had been quiet for too long when she felt him start to tense under her.  Say something, Buffy, she thought.  He's starting to think your changing your mind again.  "But you can talk to me."  She moved her head back up to his ear.  "And I can talk to you."  She remembered the erotic dream she'd had a few nights ago.  "I do dream about you.  Dream about touching you.  I remember exactly how you feel when you're inside me.  I remember all the ways you used to touch me.  God, I missed your hands.  And your mouth.  Your tongue as you tasted me.  Making me moan.  Did you miss me too?"

Spike was trying to concentrate on the road, but Buffy's sex talk was distracting.  Should have taken her in the alley, he thought.  "Yes, luv, I missed you too.  The feel of you, such soft skin stretched over the body of a warrior.  The taste of you, honey and vanilla and musk.  And the way you react.  Never knew anyone as expressive as you are.  Never the same twice.  I missed looking at you as your orgasm hit.  I missed making you want me with a whispered word, a longing look.  Making you come even though I've barely touched you."  Spike stole a glance at her.  Buffy's eyes were glazing over.  "Sort of like right now.  Don't start without me, Slayer.  We have all night.  I promise.  We're here, luv."

Spike pulled into the parking lot of his hotel.  Buffy had been so busy with him, she hadn't noticed were he was going.  As she looked around, she spoke.  "This isn't my house."

"No, luv.  It's my hotel.  Come on, Slayer, I need to get you inside and naked as soon as possible."  Spike opened the door of the car, trying to carry Buffy with him as he got out.

But she pulled away from him, scrambling to the other side of the car.  "No.  Spike, I want to go to my house."  Buffy wanted him in her bed, just like she'd dreamed.  She had no intentions of telling him that she loved him until they were behind the closed door of her bedroom.  Hotels were for secrets.  She didn't want him to be a secret anymore.  "I'm not getting out of this car, so you can just get back in and drive us home." 

Spike couldn't believe her.  "Buffy, we can't go to your house.  The others will know.  Dawn will be home soon.  Luv, you don't want that, really you don't."  Spike was trying to protect her.  She had a normal life now, she didn't need him mucking it up.  He wanted her, loved her, but he knew that she couldn't handle the reality of them together.  She could leave his hotel room in the morning disgusted with herself, but he didn't want to – wouldn't be able to – leave her bed once he was invited in.  

Buffy was getting angry again.  Desire slipping away, quickly being replaced by rage.  "The others already know, you idiot.  Do you think they would have left me alone with you like that if they didn't know?  Do you think Angel would have walked away unless he knew this was what I wanted?"  Buffy took a deep breath.  "You're gone for months, then come back and try to tell me what I want.  Who the hell do you think you are?"  Buffy got out of the car, slamming the passenger's side door.  "Just because you want to keep this a dirty little secret, just because you don't want to be part of my life, don't act like you are trying to protect me.  I can take a hint.  I'll find my own way home."  Buffy turned to walk away.  Stupid vampire, she thought, telling me what to do.  I'm the Slayer for God's sake!

Spike stood there stunned for a minute.  The Scoobies knew?  Then the reality of what she said hit him.  Of course they knew!  That's why they hadn't tried to stop the fight.  That's why they walked away when Buffy was crying in his arms.  You bloody stupid git.  "Buffy, wait."  He was beside her in seconds.  "Luv, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize.  Please come back.  We'll go to the house, I promise.  I just need to pick up a few things first."  Buffy kept on walking.  "Buffy, I love you, please."  

Buffy stopped, but she wouldn't turn around.  "Say it again."

Spike stared at her back.  Say what again?  Then he realized what she needed to hear.  This was new territory for both of them.  Before she had run away from his declarations.  Something had changed about his Slayer, something that wasn't in the letters Faith had written to him.  Spike walked to stand in front of her.  He tilted her head up so that he could look into her eyes.  "I love you, Buffy.  I've loved you from the moment I first saw you dancing in the Bronze.  I've loved you the entire time I was gone.  I'll love you until my body turns to dust and probably for centuries after.  Please, let me take you home so that I can show you how much I love you."

Buffy's eyes clouded with tears.  She wanted to tell him.  This would be the perfect time.  No, it would wait.  She had plans.  "Okay."  They held hands as they walked back to the waiting car.  Spike held open the door for her as she slid into the passenger's seat.

"Let me run in and pick up my things.  I'll be right back."  Spike closed the door.  He'd never understand that girl.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The ride to the Summers' house wasn't like the quick ride to the hotel.  Buffy kept to her own side of the car, although she did hold Spike's hand the entire time.  Once they arrived, Buffy walked to the front door, waiting for Spike to join her after getting his bag out of the car.  Together, they walked inside.  When the door was closed, Spike kissed her.  It was a tender kiss, full of promise.  Tonight was special for them.  He didn't know why, but he knew he didn't want to lose the feeling again.  Spike followed Buffy up the stairs.  He stood at her open bedroom door as she walked inside.  

Buffy turned around, "Spike, what is it?"  They hadn't spoken a word since the conversation outside the hotel.

Spike was waiting by the door.  He wasn't following her.  "Invite me in, Slayer.  I know you don't need to, but I want you too." 

Buffy understood.  He wanted to be invited in to her world.  No more creeping in through the window, or going through her things when she wasn't there.  He wanted to belong.  She remembered him standing outside her front door the night they fought Glory, telling here to pass the weapons over the threshold, and the look on his face when she invited him in.  She remembered him saying, 'I know you don't love me.  I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man, and that's…'  Buffy understood so much about him.  "Spike, come in."

Spike walked into her room.  "You have one minute to get out of those clothes or I rip them off."  He sat on the edge of her bed, untying the laces of his boots.  He glanced up at her shocked expression.  "I mean it, Slayer.  Hurry up."

Buffy kicked her shoes across the floor.  "Don't call me Slayer.  In this room I'm just Buffy."  She was hastily pulling her top over her head.  

"The weapons chest hiding in your closest is a point against you, luv."  In bare feet Spike crossed to her.  She was naked except for her black underwear.  He slipped his arms around her waist.  "And you could never be 'just Buffy'.  Buffy is a very complicated person.  She's the Slayer, but she's also a friend, a big sis, a lover, a partner.  All of those things make up the package.  And I love all of them.  Your minute is up."  Spike swung Buffy into his arms, kissed her as he crossed the room, then laid her on the bed.  He took a step back so that he could stare at her.  "I love looking at you.  I used to think about you just like this when we were fighting.  All naked and waiting for me, wanting me.  Never thought it would actually happen."

Buffy raised her arms to him, her second invitation that night.  "We have all night, you know.  And all day tomorrow.  Dawn's not coming back until Sunday afternoon.  She's staying with Willow and Tara."

Spike threw his t-shirt into the far corner.  His pants soon followed.  "Good.  Don't feel like sharing."  He slid into bed next to his Slayer.  Buffy gave him another tender kiss.  Spike leaned on one arm as he looked down at her.  The change was still amazing to him.  She wasn't fighting him.  She was open to him, to what they shared together.  They were in her house, her bed.  "Who are you?  You aren't the angry young woman I left months ago.  What happened to you?"

Buffy pulled him back to her body.  "We'll talk about it later.  Right now I just want to be with you."  Buffy's kiss was still tender, but it was filled with need.  She ran her hands along the muscles of his back and up again.  She wanted to feel all of him.  Buffy flipped Spike unto his back, straddling him so she could continue her exploration.  Spike let her take the lead.

Buffy watched his body's as she touched him.  She started at his wrist, slowly moving up his arms.  Those muscular arms that could wield a battle-ax or hold her tenderly.  She moved to his shoulders.  Strong shoulders that she had cried on so many times in the past.  She watched as his pecks involuntarily flexed as she passed over them.  She played with the nipples on his chest.  Rolling them in her fingers, pinching them.  Spike moaned.  Buffy watched his abdomen sink in as he took an unneeded breath while she gently splayed her hands across his stomach.  She moved off Spike's body as she carried her assault lower.  She played with his thighs, kneading the muscles she found there.  She ran her hands down his calves.  So much power, and it was all hers to control.  

"Buffy, I don't know how much more of this I can stand."  Spike sounded desperate.  If he could, he would be sweating under her sweet examination.  "Please, luv."  He reached for her.

Buffy batted his hand away.  "I told you, mine until I'm done.  You just lie there, and keep your hands to your self.  I'm not finished."  True to her earlier word, Buffy began her exploration again, this time following the path her hands had taken with her mouth.  

Spike moaned and twitched under her.  "Feels so good."  Spike was ready to burst and she hadn't even touched his erection.  But in his mind the tongue that was playing with his nipples had already moved lower.  

Buffy must have read his mind.  She grabbed him in her warm hands, sliding up and down in a familiar rhythm.  "Almost done.  Just one more thing to do."  Buffy leaned over to take Spike in her mouth.  

Spike nearly jumped off the bed.  "Jesus, Slayer!"  Spike's eyes rolled back in his head.  "Buffy, you have to stop, please.  I can't hold on much longer."  But Buffy wasn't listening.  She slowly licked him from the head to the base, tasting the pre-cum at the tip before repeating the entire motion.  Buffy put her warm mouth over him, sucking hard, then soft, as her hands continued to pump him.  She opened her mouth a little wider, so that she could take all of him into her warmth.  Spike screamed her name as the tip of him hit the back of her throat.  

Buffy let go of him.  "Do you like that?"  She was teasing him.  He was dieing and she was teasing him.  Buffy moved so that she was lying between his legs, her chin resting on his thigh.  "Spike, if you can't control yourself, I swear I'll never do this again."  Spike nodded in agreement.  "Now just enjoy."  Buffy dipped her head and started the whole process over.  

Spike's body shook with pleasure.  His mind couldn't take the mix of sensations.  Her hands moving in a gentle rhythm, as she used her mouth on him.  And her mouth!  It was like being inside a forest fire.  Wet flames engulfing him until he knew he would turn to dust.  When she finally stopped, he whimpered with loss.  

Buffy looked up at him.  Spike's face was turned towards the ceiling, his eyes closed, his jaw clenched.  Like I was torturing him, she thought.  She laugh at the scene in front of her if it wasn't so sweet.  "Spike, I'm done now."  

Buffy had forgotten how fast her vampire could move.  One second she was lying between his legs, the next she was lying on top of his body, eye to eye with him.  "You're the most amazing woman I've ever known."  A moment ago, he was on the verge of breaking into a thousand pieces, now he looked at her with surprising gentleness.  Spike kissed her eyelids, then her cheeks, finally placing a chaste kiss on her mouth.  "Now let's see what we can do for you."

Spike turned Buffy so that her back was against the mattress.  "I wanted to take this slow, but I don't think I could stand it anymore than you could."  Spike's fingers went straight to the place she needed his touch the most.  "It got you all hot and bothered didn't it, luv.  Having me in your mouth.  Let's see how ready you are for me."  He found what he was looking for between her thighs.  He ran one finger over her swollen mound.  Buffy arched her back to push into his touch, as he rolled over the hard nub.  "Do you like that?  Is that what you want?"  Spike increased his speed, as Buffy moaned.  Still keeping up the pressure, Spike slipped two fingers inside of her.  "So wet, so warm, just like your mouth."  He moved his fingers, teasing her inner walls.  Her Slayer muscles reacted, constricting around him.  "I would dream about you at night.  Dream of putting my fingers inside you, dream of stoking you from the inside.  Did you dream about that too?"  Buffy didn't answer.  She was too caught up in the feeling of him.  His fingers, inside and out, giving her the pleasure she wanted.  "I know I could make you come right now.  Just by touching you.  But I need to taste you, Buffy."

Spike's fingers never left her as he bent his head between her thighs.  His tongue took up the same rhythm on her clit as his finger had a moment before.  Spike moved lightening fast over her, using the tip to apply the pressure he knew she liked.  He took her almost to the point of collapse, then backed off, blowing cool air onto her most heated parts.  Buffy whimpered, but shivered at his cool breath.  A random thought crossed her brain.  The two of them, fire and ice.  Was Spike saying something?

"Buffy, look at me."  Spike needed to see her eyes when he pushed her over the edge.  "I love you."  Spike never broke contact with her hazel orbs as he began to taste her again.  His fingers still moving inside of her, following the pace his tongue was setting.  He felt her climax begin all around him.

As her first orgasm reached its plateau, Buffy opened her mouth to scream.  Spike knew she would.  She always screamed his name when he took her like this.  But he wasn't ready for the words she was about to say.  Buffy eyes were still locked with his.  "Spike! I love you!"  Buffy exploded into a million pieces as she came crashing back to earth.  

Spike never stopped touching her.  He watched her continue to shake as she recovered from her orgasm.  He let his fingers slip out of her, as his tongue gently swept up and down.  When she regained control, he slid up her body, lying next to her on the bed.  

Buffy looked over at him, confusion and bliss mixed across her face.  "Aren't you going to say anything?"  She had been waiting months to tell him she loved him.  This was not the response she was hoping for.  

Spike stared at the ceiling.  He didn't want to look at her.  It was everything he had ever wanted, but he knew that she would be sorry she said it.  "It's okay, Buffy.  I know it was just an in-the-moment thing.  I won't hold you to it." 

Buffy shifted so that she was lying on her side.  She tried to look at him, but he turned his head to the window.  "What?"  

Spike was barely keeping a reign on his emotions.  He had seldom cried in front of her; he wasn't going to do it now.  "I understand.  It was different this time between us.  And you needed to make it special.  But I won't hold it against you.  I'll never bring it up, I swear."

Buffy felt her anger take hold.  How dare he!  She finally opened her heart and he throws it back in her face.  Then, mentally, she took a step back.  What was going on?  He won't look at me.  He won't touch me, and we aren't even finished.  The words!  Oh, God.  He doesn't think I mean them.  He thinks I was caught up in 'the moment'.  Buffy crawled back on top of Spike's body.  "Spike, look at me."  Slowly Spike turned his head.  He had an unreadable expression on his face, but his blue eyes were filled with pain.  "The day you left, I was looking for you.  I had the most incredible news to tell you, but I couldn't find you.  Then I talked to Dawn, and for a moment, I wanted to kill my little sister.  I finally figure out who I want, and she goes and runs them out of town."  Buffy smiled at the cute, but dazed vampire under her.  "Spike, it wasn't a moment.  I love you.  It took me awhile to understand that, but I do love you.  Trust me."  

Spike was trying to take it all in.  Buffy said she loved him, had loved him for months.  It wasn't a mistake in the heat of sex.  It was real and solid.  That's why she had made such a fuss at the hotel.  She wanted to tell him here.  Spike lifted his head to meet her waiting lips.  Together, they rolled over the bed, never breaking the passionate kiss.  Buffy widened her legs, as Spike prepared to enter her.  As he positioned himself above her, he whispered in her ear.  "Invite me in, Slayer."  

A tear rolled down Buffy's cheek as she answered him.  "I love you."  Spike thrust into her.  Their mating was quick, powerful and perfect, each warrior crying the other's name as they found their release.    

---TBC


	15. Misunderstanding

Summary:       The morning after.  Spike and Buffy are visited by Dawn and Michael.  Things are not of the good in the Summers' household.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

For those of you wondering if I'm going to finish my other fic, "If This is Wrong, What's Right?", I'm working on it.  But I've decided to complete this first before I post the remaining chapters on the other.  Unless I finish it completely offline before this is done, then I might post the whole thing.  I'm also thinking about doing a post-seven fic, but I'm waiting to see how the series ends before I start writing.  And to all of those that have reviewed: thank you, thank you, thank you.  A little encouragement goes a long way!    

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 15 - Misunderstanding 

Buffy slowly rolled over in bed.  There were kinks and creaks up and down her body.  Muscles that hadn't been used in a long, long time protesting from the workout of the night before.  Buffy didn't care.  As far as she was concerned, it was the best night's/day's sleep she had had in ages.  She stretched her arm out to the side, hands looking to grope the first part of male flesh she found, but her exploration was greeted by air and sheets.  Her eyes flew open.  A tingle of panic around the rims.  Where the hell was he!  Buffy tossed the comforter aside and threw her legs over the side of the bed.  If he left again…

"Morning, luv."  Buffy jumped.  She whipped her head around to find the vampire on the other side of the room, buttoning up his black jeans.  "Sleep well?"  Spike grinned as he walked towards the Slayer.  Cor, she was glorious!  Especially when she was angry.

"You scared the hell out of me."  Buffy grabbed for him before he could fully reach her.  Fingers gripping into the waistband of his jeans, pulling him close, snuggling against his bare stomach.  "I thought you left."  

Spike played with the hair falling down Buffy's back.  "Not, bloody likely.  Not after last night."  The vampire was still amazed that Buffy loved him.  He had reveled in it all night, making love with her until they both passed out, exhausted but happy.  "Was planning on waking you in a bit."  

"Oh, sounds interesting."  Buffy tilted her head to look up into Spike's eyes.  He has such beautiful eyes, she thought.  "So why aren't you where I left you?  And why are you dressed?"

A slight frown replaced the smile on his face.  "Nibblet's downstairs.  Her and the blasted boy.  They came in about five minutes ago.  I was just getting ready to go down there.  I thought you said we had the house to ourselves until tomorrow?"  Spike was a little irritated at the Bit.  After months of being without Buffy, he was unhappy with the intrusion.

The skin between Buffy's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion.  "No.  I mean, yes.  We were supposed to have the house to ourselves.  What's Dawn doing here?"  Buffy was as irritated as Spike.

Spike shrugged his shoulders.  "Don't know, but she's coming up the stairs.  Throw on a robe, pet.  Whatever it is we'll find out soon enough."

Buffy reluctantly let go of the blond vampire and made her way to the closet.  After putting on her terrycloth robe, she joined Spike who was sitting on the bed.

"We're awake and decent, Nibblet.  No need to listen at the door, just open it."  Spike could her Dawn's heartbeat, even through the barrier.  Something was wrong, her heart rate was erratic.   

Dawn slowly opened the door to Buffy's bedroom, peaking around the corner.  She'd learned a long time ago.  Sometimes Spike's idea of 'decent' was different than hers.  "How did you…?  Never mind.  You'd think I'd be used to it by now.  Good morning?"  She gave the couple a weak smile. 

"Well, it was, until you showed up," Spike mumbled under his breath.  Buffy lightly punched him the stomach before giving her sister her full attention.  "You better have a good reason for being in this house.  I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow."

Dawn walked into the room, closing the door behind her.  "Look, I'm sorry.  But it's important.  It's about Michael."  It took Buffy only a second to realize that something was definitely wrong.  Dawn was nervous.  Her eyes darted between the floor and the couple on the bed, as she shuffled her feet in front of her.  Her shoulders were slumped forward in defeat.  Alarm bells were going off all through the Slayer's system.  Buffy stood up and walked over to her sister, worry showing on her face.

"Dawnie, what's wrong?"  Gone was the irritation in Buffy's voice from a moment again.  In its place was concern.  "Spike said that Michael was here with you."  Buffy forced Dawn to look directly at her.  She could see the panic in her sister's eyes.  

"Oh, Buffy.  We've got a problem.  A big one.  Michael called me this morning.  He said he needed to talk to me, so I invited him over to Willow and Tara's.  I knew it was serious when he got there, but I never imagined..."  Dawn took a deep breath.  "Buffy, Michael saw the two of you fighting last night."

Buffy wasn't happy about Dawn's boyfriend watching her and Spike the night before.  And she wasn't happy about Spike's reaction to Michael's presence.  Of course she hadn't thought about the repercussions of Michael being at the Bronze when she came up with the plan in the first place.  But she couldn't think of everything, right?  "Yeah, I know, Dawn.  But he didn't see Spike all 'grrr'.  What's the problem?"

She had to tell them.  She HAD to tell them.  She so didn't want to tell them.  "Buffy, the rest of us are used to the way you and Spike act, but Michael isn't.  He thinks. He thinks…"  Dawn began to cry.

Spike walked over to Dawn, gently touching her shoulder.  The last thing he wanted was another upset Summers' girl on his hands.  "He thinks what, Nibblet?"

Dawn looked up into Spike's worried eyes.  It was good to have him back.  "He thinks that you and Buffy are involved in an abusive relationship."  Dawn heard Buffy's gasp.  The rest came out in a babble that could have rivaled even Willow.  "He doesn't think I should be exposed to it.  He said he was going to tell Social Services, call Jeremy and tell him about the fight last night.  He didn't want to do it behind my back.  He wants me to go with him.  He's really worried about me."  

Buffy fell back onto the bed, silently cursing under her breath.  Spike hugged Dawn to him as he ran his other hand through his hair.  "Bugger."  This is all we need, he thought.

"Oh, God.  I never even thought of that.  All I was worried about was him finding out I'm the Slayer and that we have a vampire living with us.  It never occurred to me what he would think about us fighting last night."  Couldn't I have one semi-normal weekend, Buffy thought.

Dawn wiped tears from her eyes as she turned to look at her sister.  "I didn't know what to say.  Willow and Tara were just as shocked.  I told him it wasn't what he thought, but he said that he had seen this type of thing before.  A friend of his in Germany.  His mom and dad constantly fought.  His mom was always going to the hospital, telling the doctors she bumped into the door, or fell down the stairs.  He said I shouldn't have to live like this.  And I should stop covering for you.  He thinks the fighting is the reason Spike left in the first place.  And he doesn't understand why everyone else is condoning it."  Dawn was still crying, finding some comfort in Spike's arm around her shoulder.

Buffy just sat there in shock.  All this time she had been careful.  All of them had been careful.  Hiding the Slayer stuff from Michael.  Now, because he didn't know the truth, he thought that Spike was an abuser.  "That's why he asked you if Spike ever hurt you?  He thought he hit you, like he was hitting me?"

Spike was immediately defensive.  "Now wait a minute, Slayer.  I was defending myself.  I never hit you without provocation."  Spike was just as stunned as Buffy, but he had a growing respect for the boy downstairs.  He thought Dawn was in trouble and wanted to help her.  He just didn't know all the facts.

Buffy looked at the vampire who's feeling she had just hurt.  "I didn't say you did.  I'm just saying…  Oh, I don't know what I'm saying.  Give me a minute, okay?"  She turned her attention back to her sister.  "Dawn why did you bring him here?"

Dawn moved out of Spike's embrace so she could sit next to her sister.  "I told him you could explain.  He doesn't believe me for a second, but I thought you could help.  I didn't know what else to do.  Willow tried to talk to him, but what could she say?  He told her that he knew why we were leaving the two of you alone."  Dawn's eyes moved to her lap.  I just can't look at either of them as I say this.  "So the bruises could heal."

Spike looked at both his girls.  Buffy had her arms draped around Dawn protectively.  This was turning out to be one hell of a morning.  An angry Slayer, an almost hysterical Nibblet, and now a boy looking for bruises.  Wait a minute.  Bruises…  A plan started forming in Spike's mind.  "You did the right thing coming home, Nibblet.  Why don't you go downstairs.  Tell the boy we'll be down as soon as we've had our showers."

Dawn looked up at the blond vampire.  She could swear she saw the wheels turning in his head.  He'd come up with something, she just knew it!  "Spike, what are you going to do?"

Spike directed his attention back at Buffy, who by now, was also staring at him.  "Slayer, do you have a bruise anywhere on your body?"

Buffy didn't even take the time to think before replying.  "Of course not.  We weren't that serious last night.  I mean, it was all minor stuff and it's gone by now."

Spike nodded his head in agreement.  "Well neither do I, so let's show the boy.  He can't make accusations without evidence.  Bit, we'll take care of this.  Trust me.  I'll be damned if I'll let anyone try to take you away from your big sis ever again."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"I am not wearing that."  Buffy pointed to the clothes on her bed.  Spike had picked them out while she was in the shower.  "Especially not in front of a teenage boy who happens to be dating my sister."

"Seem to recall you wearing less than that last night at the Bronze."  Spike came up behind Buffy, wrapping his hands around her waist, nuzzling her neck.  "Luv, I'm not happy about you parading around half-naked in front of the boy either, but you can't hide anything in those.  I want him to get a good look at your perfectly unmarred body."  

Buffy shuttered as Spike whispered in her ear.  His voice making the skin at the back of her neck vibrate with anticipation.  She sighed, knowing he was right.  She had missed that in a really annoying way.  "Okay, but we get the two of them out of here as fast as possible.  I have plans, you know.  

Spike turned Buffy in his arms, reaching inside her robe to caress her slightly damp skin.  "Trust me luv, watching you walk around in that outfit, not being able to touch you, I'll be ready for whatever you have planned."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy walked down the stairs to find Dawn and Michael sitting on the couch.  It was apparent that she had interrupted an argument.  "Good morning, Michael."  Buffy smiled at the teenagers.

"Hi, Buffy.  I'm sorry to disturb you.  I know you wanted to spend time alone with your boyfriend.  I hope he's not angry."  Michael's apologetic tone didn't reach his eyes.  He was looking at Buffy like she was a lab specimen under a microscope.  His gaze raking up and down her body.  

"Spike, angry about seeing Dawn?  Never.  He's more like a big brother to her than just my boyfriend.  You know, part of the family.  He missed her while he was gone."  No use hiding from it.  Might as well be on the offensive.  "Dawn said you had some questions you wanted to ask me?"  

Michael took one more look at Buffy's body before meeting her eyes.  Her clothes left little to the imagination.  The cropped halter-top was one she wore for training.  It hugged her body tight, leaving her mid-drift and her arms exposed.  The workout shorts were just as revealing, leaving her bare from her ankles to high up on her thighs.  There wasn't a scratch or a bruise on her.  Michael's wasn't as sure of himself as he had been this morning.  "Yes, I do.  It's about last night." 

Buffy sat down in the nearest chair.  "Yeah, sorry you had to hear that.  A little misunderstanding.  Spike saw me dancing with my ex, Angel.  He thought we were back together.  My fault, really.  I was trying to make him jealous.  You know, a girl thing."

"But the fight you two had.  You were hitting each other.  It didn't seem all that innocent to me."  Michael understood jealousy.  Dawn was jealous of Rachel, wasn't she?  But the punches were not something he was going to accept.  Even if Buffy looked to be perfectly fine.

"The fight?"  The look Buffy gave him was one of total confusion.  And the Oscar goes to…  "Oh, you mean the two of us sparring?  Spike was my training partner.  We used to work out together.  Blow off steam, keep in shape.  You didn't think we were serious, did you?"  Upstairs, Buffy and Spike had come up with a semi-plausible story to explain last nights 'incident'.    

"Buffy, that didn't look like sparring to me."  Michael wasn't convinced.  "I've sparred with my dad before, boxing.  Those were real hits.  He punched you."

This boy was tenacious, she'd give him that.  Buffy laughed.  "He pulled a punch.  Trying to get me to react.  Like I said, blowing off steam.  He knew if I let out a little physical energy, I wouldn't be as mad.  Michael think about it, if Spike was serious about hurting me, I'd be a walking bruise today.  He's like twice as strong as I am!"  Buffy knew she was going to hell for that lie.  She just knew it.

"But…  I mean…  It looked really real.  I saw you throw him against a wall!"  That was the thing that Michael couldn't make fit.  This was Buffy, Dawn's 'little' older sister.  She looked like she didn't have the strength to hurt a fly, let alone throw a grow man five feet through the air.  

"Leverage technique.  I'm too small to throw him, I just caught him off balance, used his momentum to send him backwards.  I could teach you how to do it, if you wanted."  Buffy was going to make this work, for Dawn's sake.  "This IS the 21st century.  A woman needs to know how to take care of herself.  Especially in this town.  I've been training for years."

Just then, Spike walked down the stairs.  He was partially dressed, only wearing his jeans, giving Michael a full view of his chest.  His hair still wet from his quick shower.  "Buffy's right.  She's the best sparring partner I've ever had."  Spike stopped to place a kiss on Buffy's head, running an affectionate hand over her shoulder.  Then he turned to the couple sitting on the couch.  "Hello again, Nibblet."  Dawn sprang off the couch, throwing herself into Spike's waiting arms.  She knew Spike and Buffy would take care of things.  Once the hug was over, Spike looked at the other teenager.  "Going to properly introduce me to the boy?"

Dawn rolled her eyes at the vampire.  "Would you stop calling him that!  Spike, this is my boyfriend Michael.  Michael, this is Buffy's boyfriend, Spike."  

Michael had stood up when the older man entered the room.  Spike shook hands with the youth.  "Nice to meet you, mate.  Heard you were worried I was a Big Bad or something."  Buffy snorted behind him.  Spike looked over his shoulder, raising on eyebrow in her direction.  Insolent chit.  "As I was saying, it's good to know someone's keeping an eye out for my girls."

Michael stood quietly for a moment.  He knew what he had seen last night, but there wasn't an ounce of evidence on either one of them to prove it.  He didn't know what to think.  "Yes, I am trying to keep an eye on them, or at least on Dawn.  And truthfully this doesn't add up.  I expected to see the two of you with cuts and bruises, maybe some broken bones."

"Michael!"  Dawn couldn't believe he had just come out and said that.  Accusing the two of them of fighting, even if that was exactly what they had been doing.  

"Calm down, Nibblet.  The boys honest.  And he was worried about you.  Nothing wrong in trying to protect you.  Even if he's trying to protect you from me and your sis.  Looking out for your best interest, he is."  Spike had to admire the kid.  He hadn't been sure what he was walking into, but he was willing to face it for Dawn's sake.  "You should be thanking him."  Spike gave his full attention back to Michael.  "I'm sure things looked a little out of sorts last night.  Me taking a swipe at Peaches and all, but Buffy's telling you the truth.  Neither one of us was trying to hurt each other.  We were just trying to get the other's attention.  Work off a little anger.  We ended things a bit abruptly when I left.  Lots of emotions still running high.  I know you don't know me, but I'd give up my life for either of them.  Would move heaven and earth to protect them.  I'd never hurt them.  They're my family."           

Michael's conviction was wavering.  Dawn was smiling up at Spike.  Buffy was looking at his back, love shining in her eyes.  There was something about the man.  Michael thought the blond WOULD give up his life for them.  "I believe you."  Dawn let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding.  "But if I see something I think is wrong, I will report it to Social Services.  Dawn's my first concern."

"Good.  It's settled then."  Spike moved a little closer to the boy, invading his personal space, narrowing his eyes as he talked.  "You've laid your cards on the table, so I'll do the same.  If you try anything, anything at all on the Nibblet.  If you hurt her in any way.  I won't be as careful with you as I am with Buffy.  They won't be able to find enough pieces to identify the body.  Like I said, they're my family.  Are we clear?"

Michael swallowed hard.  "Crystal, sir."  Michael knew that tone.  It was the same one his dad used when talking to the guys who dated his older sister.  The threat had nothing to do with abuse.  It came from caring about those you loved.  "I'm sorry we disturbed you.  I'll just take Dawn back to her friends now."  

"Nothing to apologize for.  You were worried.  I'm glad we cleared the air."  Spike reached into his back pocket pulling out his wallet.  He took out some cash, handing it to Michael.  "Instead of taking Dawn back to Red's, why don't the two of you go to a movie or something.  My treat."  

Dawn grabbed the money before Michael could refuse.  She leaned over, placing a kiss on Spike's cheek.  "Thanks, Spike!  Come on Michael, we've caused enough trouble this morning.  Let's get out of here."  Dawn dragged Michael out of the house.  She felt terrible about barging in on Spike and Buffy to begin with, but she knew Spike's threat had made Buffy mad.  Steam was practically shooting out of her sister's ears.  The last thing she needed was for Michael to see another argument between the two of them.  She hoped Buffy would go easy on Spike.  

Buffy waited until she heard Michael start his car before she unleashed her wrath on the vampire.  "What do you think you were doing?  He comes over because he thinks we're abusing Dawn, and you threaten to kill him!  You could have made matters worse!"  Dawn had been right; Buffy was pissed.

Spike walked over to the fuming Slayer.  He bent over to pick her up in his arms.  He was getting used to carrying her around.  Buffy squirmed as he walked towards the stairs.  "I was letting the whelp know there was a man in the house now, that's all.  Someone he had to answer to if he got out of line.  We understood each other, luv.  Nothing to worry about."  Buffy had stopped squirming, but he could tell she wasn't happy with him.  "Come on, pet.  You are going to call Red and let her know what happened.  I'm sure she's worried.  Then you and I are going to get back to those plans you were talking about earlier."  

Spike nuzzled Buffy's neck, reminding her of their early conversation.  Plans.  That's right, she had plans.  She could be mad at him later.  

---TBC


	16. Busted

Summary:       Buffy learns a little something about what Spike was doing while he was gone.  Jealousy rears its ugly head once again.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 16 - Busted 

Spike didn't release Buffy until they were back in her bedroom.  He knew that she was still angry with him, but he also knew he could postpone the anger if he kept her busy with other things.  Spike had always been a quick study, and if he'd learned anything the night before it was that Buffy could be easily distracted if given the right motivation.  Namely him – naked.  Of course, he'd never tell her that, knowing where the conversation would lead.  No, he'd keep that bit of information to himself.  He was pulled out of his thoughts by an annoying beeping.  

Buffy's forehead scrunched up as the sound penetrated her brain.  "What is that?"  She turned around, trying to locate the source of the beeping.

Spike crossed the room, heading straight for the bag he had brought with him.  "Nothing, luv.  Just my cell phone.  Must have missed a call while we were downstairs."  Spike opened the bag, pulling out the offending object.

Buffy lifted her eyebrow in surprise, placing her hands on her hips for emphasis.  "YOU have a cell phone?  Who would be calling you?"

Spike was busy dialing the number to his voicemail.  "Plenty of people, Slayer."  He put the phone to his ear.  "Look, go call Red while I check the message.  I'll explain it all later."  Spike turned his back to Buffy as Cassandra's voice filled his ear, not waiting to see if she followed his instructions.

With a very un-Slayer like stomp of her foot, Buffy left to grab the cordless in Dawn's room.  Yeah, she'd call Willow, then she was going to have a long talk with the presumptuous vampire.  First the show downstairs, then ordering her about.  Who the hell did he think he was?

Spike finished listening to Cassandra's brief message.  Giles had more news about the binding spell and she had the Thursday/Friday totals for the pub.  Both things were of interest to him.  Spike grabbed his notebook out of his bag, then sat on the edge of Buffy's bed as he dialed the number to his flat.  After two rings, a familiar voice answered the phone.  "Good morning, oh evil master.  Nice of you to call me back."  

Spike shook his head.  So he had caller id, did she have to answer the phone that way?  "Mornin', pet.  How'd we do this weekend?"  Spike wanted to get the conversation over with before Buffy returned.

In New Orleans, Cassandra raised her own eyebrow at her ex-lover's clipped tone.  "Bit testy aren't we?  No, how are you?  No, how's your grandfather?  Just straight to business?  One would think you paid me to run this crumby place of yours."  It was obvious Cass was in a good mood this morning.

A slight smile crossed Spike's face.  No respect.  No respect at all.  Didn't anyone think he was the Big Bad anymore?  "I do pay you – much more than you're worth.  Now, how was business?"

"Fine, be that way.  I am just a lowly servant.  I bow down to your superior wishes."  Spike could hear Cass riffling through some papers.  When she spoke again, it was in her no-nonsense tone.  "We pulled in close to $750 at the door for cover on Friday and made over $2500 in drinks.  We should bring the band back again.  They got great response from the customers.  People stayed a little longer than they normally do, even the regulars.  I had them play an extra set, business was so good.  Paid them more than we originally contracted, but it was worth it.  Thursday was slightly off, but no band, so no cover.  I think total, we hit another $1500 for the night.  I haven't done the official tallies, but those are the rough estimates.  Words getting out.  We're popular with both the demon crowd and the humans.  If this keeps up, we'll need to hire another waitress for the weekend, maybe another bartender.  Especially if you stay in Sunnydale.  We're already down a man because you're not here."

Spike was busy writing down the figures and notes as Cass talked.  Almost $5300 for the two nights and they still had Saturday night to go.  It was better than he had expected.  "Sounds good.  Call the manager of the band; see when they're available again.  If you think it's worth it, talk to him about making them a regular act.  Try to negotiate close to the original pay, but up it if necessary.  Also, see who else he manages.  The customers liked the other band he sent us too.  I'm not that worried about Thursday.  Like you said, there was no band.  Make sure we have someone scheduled for all three nights for the next couple of months.  I don't want to miss out.  Once you've down the books, e-mail the spreadsheets to me.  I want to check inventory and general overhead.  Hiring a couple more people might be the way to go.  I'll have an answer for you once I review the numbers.  Anything else?"

Cassandra flipped though her own notes.  "Couple more things.  We've got blood in stock that's going bad.  I think the supplier is lying about the donation dates.  I'm going to have grandfather check it out.  Next week, the Board of Health has a scheduled visit, but I don't see any problems there.  The place is clean.  No one would be able to tell the regular liquor from the special stuff we keep on the shelves.  Duncan tossed a couple of guys out last night.  They started a fight over a pool game.  One of the guys was hustling the other.  The commotion didn't last long.  Both of them were human.  That's about it.  How are things going with you?"  Cass and Spike talked almost every day.  She knew Giles' request to have Spike watch Buffy and Dawn was hard on him.  He was really stuck on the girl.

Spike set the notebook aside as he stretched out on the bed.  His eyes lit up as he stared at the dark curtains blocking out the light from Buffy's bedroom.  She'd thought of everything.  "Yesterday, I would have told you my life was shit, but today…  Today is a good day.  Cassandra, you'll never guess where I'm calling you from." 

Spike was so happy with his present situation, he didn't notice Buffy standing in the doorway, phone in hand.  "He's still here, Will.  He's laying on MY bed, in MY house, talking to a WOMAN on the phone."  Spike's head whipped around when he heard her voice.  Cassandra was silent on the other end of the line.  That must be the Slayer, she thought.  Spike was in for it now.  "Willow, I'll have to call you back.  I need to stake Spike now."  Buffy hit the talk button, abruptly ending her phone conversation with her best friend.  "You are so busted."  Anger was seeping out of her as she crossed the room to stand in front of Spike.

Spike knew it looked bad.  "Uh, Cass.  I'll call you back later."  Before he hung up the phone, he heard Cassandra's uncontrollable laughter ringing in his ears.  He slowly placed the phone on the bed next to him.  Don't want to make any sudden moves, mate, or this is over before it begins.  "Buffy, luv, I can explain."

Before he knew what hit him, Buffy's body came flying at him.  She was straddling his legs, a stake dangerously close to his heart.  Where had she been hiding that?  "You better explain.  I'm NOT in the mood for this, blondie.  Not this morning."  

Any other time, Spike would have laughed.  The Slayer was jealous, and it was over him.  It was sort of comforting to know the green-eyed monster ran in both directions.  "She works for me, luv.  It was just a business call, nothing else."

Buffy brought the stake a little closer to Spike's chest.  "You have minions calling you now?  What?  You're keeping tabs on whatever half-ass scheme you have going in whatever podunk town you've been living in?  Were you about to tell her about your conquest of the Slayer so the two of you could laugh at my stupidity for letting you back into my life?"  Tears were threatening to break through Buffy's anger.  

Spike should have been mad, but he knew she was close to tears.  She had no faith in him.  But, could he blame her?  "Podunk town?  You've been watching too much television.  And Cassandra isn't a minion."  Spike slowly moved his hand so it rested on Buffy's thigh.  "She works for me in an non-evil sense of the word.  I pay her and everything."  Spike moved his hand a little higher up Buffy's body.  At least she was letting him touch her.  "Buffy, if you stop threatening me with that thing, I'll explain.  But if you dust me, you'll never know the truth."  He used his thumb to make small circles under her breast.  "Slayer, I love you, remember?"

The stake wavered in Buffy's hand.  Spike loved her.  It wasn't the words; it was the look in his eyes that finally persuaded her.  She drew the stake closer to her own body.  "You have two minutes, but I'm not moving and I'm keeping the stake."  Buffy looked at him with her resolve face, waiting for him to challenge her.

A lecherous smile spread across Spike's face.  He put his other hand under his head using it as a pillow, while his first hand continued lightly touching her.  "I'll never complain about you straddling me, Slayer.  It's one of my favorite positions."  Spike watched her blush.  Cor, she was perfection.  "Now, I'm going to tell you a story.  Once upon a time, in a land far away, a master vampire decided to make himself respectable…"

Spike told Buffy the same tale he had told Giles months earlier.  He added more information in some areas, like how he felt after his fight with Dawn and how much he had missed them both, and deleted information from others, like his contact with Faith, his personal relationship with Cassandra and his budding friendship with the Watcher.  He decided to keep those things to himself for a while.  Their new relationship was too fragile to bring other women into it, even if both relationships were strictly platonic now.  And Giles' name would only bring up questions for which he didn't have all the answers.  He hadn't been able to finish his conversation with Cass, so he didn't know how close they were in finding the spell to make Dawn's existence permanent.  Telling Buffy now would only scare her.

During the story, which lasted past the two minutes she had given him, Buffy started to relax.  She laid down, half-on/half-off Spike's body as she listened to him talk.  She placed her hand on his chest as he comfortingly rubbed her back.  Buffy didn't ask any questions, but her head shot up with the same shocked expression as Giles when he explained about the money to buy the pub.  When he was finished, they laid together in silence.

After a few minutes, Buffy spoke.  "What's your name?"  It wasn't the first question Spike thought she would ask.  Buffy pushed herself up on her elbows so she could get a better look at him.  "I know it sounds stupid, but I thought I should at least know the name of the guy I'm sleeping with."

Spike brushed her hair away from her face.  There was something so right about the two of them just being together.  No arguments, no punches, no snide remarks.  They'd never had this before.  "You know my name, luv.  Screamed it several times last night if I remember right."  He pulled Buffy back to him when she began to squirm.  "But I know what you mean.  Now, promise me you won't laugh, or get angry again."  Buffy made a cross over her heart.  "I put a lot of thought into my name.  For a while, I considered using the name my parents gave me, but it didn't seem right.  I'm not the William that was born to them.  Not the same man that was turned over a century ago.  So I tried to figure out exactly who I was now.  Who was this man that loved a Slayer and fought the good fight against evil.  This man that was trying to build something solid in his life.  A future.  Finally, I decided to incorporate all the people who were most important to me.  The people who had helped me get to the place I was at."  Spike locked his eyes with Buffy's.  "Legally, my name is William Ruppert Anthony Summers."

Buffy's eyes grew as big as saucers.  She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.  Spike turned his head away from her.  He wasn't sure what she was thinking.  Was she mad that he had used her last name?  Did she think it was silly of him to incorporate Giles into his new persona?  He was as bloody bad as Peaches.  Whatever her reaction, he didn't want to see it.    

Buffy placed her hand on Spike's cheek, turning his head back to her.  She waited until his eyes reached her own.  "I think it's a good name."  Spike rolled his eyes at her.  "No, really I do.  I'm sure Giles was touched when you told him."

"Like I'd bloody well tell the Watcher.  He's enough of a pain in my side without adding that."  Spike realized the minute the words were out of his mouth what he had just said.  He cautiously looked back at Buffy.  How much did she know?

"Stop looking at me that way.  I know you haven't told me everything.  You and Giles are talking.  I know he knows you're here.  He changes the subject every time I mention you on the phone.  And he was staying with a 'friend' in New Orleans doing research.  Do I look like an idiot, Spike?"  Spike started to stumble over his response.  "Don't even bother.  You can tell me all about it later.  And while we're on the subject, you can finish telling me about Cassandra later too."  Buffy pushed herself higher up on one arm as she poked Spike in the chest with her finger.  "Don't try to deny it.  There was something between the two of you.  You've never lied to me before, so don't start now.  But whatever there was, it better be in the past, or you and Mr Pointy will get reacquainted.  I.  Don't.  Share."

Spike rolled Buffy onto her back trapping her hand in between their bodies, but she continued.  "That whole macho-man thing you pulled last night with Angel.  'Nobody touches what's mine.'  When all along you had a girl stashed away in New Orleans.  I should beat you – "

Buffy never got to finish her sentence as Spike mouth descended on her own.  

---TBC       


	17. The Whole Truth

Summary:       Interesting questions plague Giles.  Buffy finds out the real reason Spike is back in Sunnydale.  Spike tells Buffy some hard truths about the men in her life. 

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 17 - The Whole Truth 

Giles was nervous.  Cassandra had told him about the brief conversation she had with Spike over the phone.  If Spike was with Buffy, how much had the vampire told her?  Did she know about the threat to Dawn?  He wished he had been able to speak to Spike himself, but he had been out of the flat at the time of the call.  

Giles looked down at the book in front of him.  If Buffy now knew, at least he would be able to give her a glimmer of hope.  Together, Anthony, Cassandra and Giles had tracked down the exact spell the monks used to create Dawn.  Looking through similar text had led them to the spell they would need to permanently bind Dawn to this dimension.  Now it was just a matter of gathering the components in one place and finding the Cup of Souls.  

Finding the Cup wouldn't be easy.  Giles thought the monks had used the temporary spell at the beginning because they were unable to access the mystical relic.  Or maybe they didn't have time to acquire it once Glory's threat became known.  Still, if it existed, Giles knew that Anthony would find it.  The vampire had a knack for laying his hands on objects Giles had thought lost to antiquity.  Spike was right about his assessment of the younger vampire's skills and his library of knowledge.  The Watcher's Council could learn much from the Louisiana vamp.  Anthony could be their best source for understanding not only the traditions of vampires, but the inner-workings of the entire demon community.  If Giles was in better standing, he would make a case for exploring that source, but he knew they would never listen to him.  More and more he was becoming disillusioned with the Council.  At every instance, they seemed to be a hindrance to the Slayer's cause.  

Giles had other concerns as well.  Currently, he was studying the wording of the original spell.  It was so familiar.  It referred to the Slayer with the same words as the Slayer prophecy itself.  _Into each generation/ A Slayer is born/ One girl/ In all the world/ A Chosen One_.  Giles hypothesized that the language was used to specifically call the blood of the Slayer to the binding.  Obviously, and for some unknown reason, a Slayer was as pinnacle to the spell as the Cup of Souls.  What bothered Giles the most was that he knew nothing about it.  If the Key could only be made human with Slayer blood, then why was it so difficult to find out information when they fought Glory?  Wouldn't something as important as this be documented in the Watcher journals of past Slayers?  It was agitating, to say the least.  

And then there were the more personal worries.  At the time of Dawn's birth into this world, there had been an anomaly in the Slayer lineage.  There were two living Slayers.  Could it be possible that both Faith's blood and Buffy's blood were called?  Could Dawn share the soul of both Slayers?  These were questions Giles had not shared with anyone.  It was too horrific to consider.  How would Buffy feel knowing that the woman she disliked most in the world was a part of the person she most cherished?  And could Willow's resurrection spell have caused damage to the temporary soul that resided in Dawn?  At some point, Giles would have to find the answers, but not now.  

No, now he needed to inform Buffy of the research they had already performed.  It went against his nature to keep secrets from her.  He was her Watcher and her friend.  Now that they had some answers, it was time to tell her everything.  Giles picked up the telephone.  He had a call to make.  

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Spike and Buffy were watching a movie when the phone rang.  Buffy was grateful for the distraction.  How she had let Spike talk her into watching a horror flick she'd never know.  And one with a psycho fisherman, killing teenagers with an ice hook?  Who came up with that stuff?  

"Hello?  (pause)  Giles!  I'm so glad you called.  (pause)  Yeah, I bet you're sorry.  (pause)  Stop tripping over your own tongue, Spike's right here.  You want to talk to him?  (pause)  Hold on a minute."  Buffy walked the phone into the living room.  "Spike, it's Giles.  He's nervous, as usual, and he wants to talk to you." 

Spike took the phone from Buffy, a guilty semi-smile playing on his lips.  Spike had dodged the Giles questions earlier in the day.  He hadn't outright lied to Buffy, but she knew there was still more to the story than he was telling her.  "Giles.  Good to hear from you, mate.  What's up?"  Buffy flopped down on the couch, watching Spike as he walked into the kitchen.  Her patience was wearing thin with both the Watcher and the vampire.        

Several minutes later, Spike came back into the living room still talking to Giles.  "Do you want to tell her, or shall I?  (pause)  I think that would be best.  Hold on a minute, Ruppert."  Spike put the phone on the couch next to Buffy, then he picked the Slayer up in his arms.  Once he was seated on the couch, Buffy firmly planted in his lap, Spike gave her the phone.  Buffy gave him a questioning look, but he just pressed the phone into her hand.  Spike knew she was going to need all the support he could give her.

Buffy's conversation with Giles was very one-sided.  Spike watched as different emotions played across Buffy's body.  When she was scared for Dawn, she sank deeper into his arms.  When she was relieved that they had found a permanent spell, her shoulders slumped from the release of tension.  She sat bolt upright when she realized that they had been hiding the information from her for weeks.  Giles received the brunt of her vocal anger, but Spike got the physical part of it.  She swatted at him a few times when Giles told her something that made her angry.  Spike just shook his head.  He was in for another battle as soon as she was off the phone.  

As the conversation drew to a close, Buffy leaned her head on Spike's shoulder.  "I don't know what I'm going to tell her, Giles.  Part of me wants to keep it from her until we have all the answers, but the other part remembers what happened when we didn't tell her she was the Key.  She deserves to know, but she'll be so scared.  I need to think about it.  (pause)  Thanks for the support.  Look, call me the minute you know more.  (pause)  Yeah, hopefully we'll see you soon.  (pause)  Sure, hold on.  And Giles, I love you."  Buffy passed the phone back to Spike.

"Yeah?  (pause)  Call me when you find the Cup.  Whatever it takes, I'll have the money transferred to cover it.  Just tell Tony to hurry, and not to bargain down the price.  We don't have time for that.  (pause)  Talk to you soon, mate.  Bye."  Spike laid the phone back on the couch before wrapping his arms around Buffy again.  "It will all work out, luv.  No need to worry.  The Watcher has it all under control."

To much information.  That was all Buffy could think.  First Spike, now the threat to Dawn.  Buffy wasn't sure she could handle it.  "Does she ever get a break, Spike?  She finds out she's the Key, her mother dies, a hell-god wants her dead, I die, I come back.  Now this.  She's been so happy.  I thought that the mystical Key thing was behind us.  What am I going to tell her?"

Spike kissed a stray tear from Buffy's cheek.  He was evil.  Bad things deserved to happen to him, not to his girls.  For the thousandth time since Giles told him about the information he discovered, Spike wondered why things like this always happened to the Summers.  Didn't they have enough to deal with just having a Slayer in the family?  "You're going to tell her the truth.  Buffy, we have an answer now.  We know what to do.  We're not going to let anything happen to the Nibblet.  You'll convince her of that.  She's going to look to you to how she should react.  She always does.  If you're strong, she'll be strong.  And when you can't be strong, I'll be here for you.  Both of you"  

Buffy gave Spike a weak smile as she wiped the tears from he eyes.  Strong.  She needed to be strong.  "Have I ever told you how annoying it is when you're right?  You're supposed to be an evil vampire, not the giver of all the truthfulness."  Buffy leaned in to give Spike a kiss, then stopped herself.  "Hey, I'm supposed to be mad at you for keeping all this from me.  I don't appreciate being kept in the dark.  If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to protect me.  Feeling a little Riley-ish?"

A low growl rumbled deep within Spike's chest.  Mad he could take.  Being compared to Captain Cardboard he couldn't.  "I wasn't trying to protect you, Slayer.  I was only following orders.  If you want to get mad at someone, call the Watcher back.  I'll give you the number."

Buffy snorted.  "Yeah, like you take orders.  Do you salute like one of the Initiative boys too?"  Buffy wasn't prepared for Spike to stand up at that moment.  After all, she had been sitting on his lap.  She landed on the ground with a loud thump.

Spike looked down at her.  "Listen, Slayer.  You want to yell at me, yell at me.  You want to kick me around for a while, kick me around.  But if you compare me to the junior commando one more time, I'll, I'll – "

Buffy jumped up from her spot on the floor.  What had started out as teasing had suddenly become very serious.  "You'll what?  Leave and not tell me you're going?"  It was an old hurt.  A burr in Buffy's side.  She had learned how to be a grown-up.  She could take care of Dawn and herself.  But she would always feel the hurt of being abandoned by the people she loved.  "Go ahead, everybody else does.  I'm used to it by now."  Buffy walked out of the room and started up the stairs.  "Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out."      

Buffy never made it to the top of the stairs.  Spike was at her side in a split second.  "Now we get down to it.  You want to have this out once and for all, then let's have it out.  Come on!"  Spike grabbed her arm, half dragging her back to the bedroom.  Once inside, he pushed her onto the bed.  "I am NOT your father.  The bloody idiot left because he couldn't accept his responsibilities.  You didn't drive him away!  He has his own problems that have nothing to do with you."

Buffy pushed herself up into a sitting position, to stunned to do more.  How dare he talk about her father that way!  What did he know about it?  "You have no right to talk about my dad!  You don't even know him!"

Spike's eyes flared gold.  "Why not?  He's part of the problem, isn't her?  Didn't have the decency to come back for mum's funeral, the bastard.  Just keep you're mouth shut, Slayer.  I'm not done."  Spike had waited a long time to have this conversation with her.  He was far from finished.  "Angel left because he didn't have the bloody balls to fight for you.  All that rot about a normal life.  So there'd be problems?  So what?  If you love someone, you stick it out.  For better or worse; I think that's how it goes."  Spike pulled a cigarette out of his pocket.  He paced in front of her as he lit it.  "Soldier-boy is the biggest wanker of them all.  He can't deal with the fact that you're the Slayer.  Can't find a place for himself in your life, so he runs away.  Again, not your fault.  I told him once you needed a little monster in your man, that he wasn't the long-haul guy.  And the git believed me!  How stupid is that?  I'm playing mind games with him and he agrees.  More like you needed more man in your man, not some sniveling boy who treated you like a goddess.  Afraid to touch you, afraid to fight with you.  Wanted everything in a nice, neat package.  Bloody moron."

Spike was so caught up in his speech, he didn't notice the way Buffy was looking at him.  For better or worse.  In sickness and in health.  Til death do us part.  Angel faced the same problems in his relationship with Cordelia, but he was willing to try with her.  Why was Buffy different?  And Riley.  A little monster in her man?  How truthful was that.  Riley was a great guy, but he wasn't the one for her.  She knew that long before he actually left.  But if she knew it, why did she let his leaving hurt her?

Spike continued talking.  "We aren't even going to discuss mum.  She died; she didn't leave.  It wasn't her choice to go."  Spike's heart hurt as he thought about Joyce.  She was a great lady.  "Then the Watcher.  Giles left because you needed to grow up.  If he had just been your Watcher, not your father figure, it would have been easy to stay.  But HE needed the distance.  He couldn't be here and push you to stand on your own two feet at the same time.  He cares too much."  Spike dropped his half-finished cigarette into a glass a water sitting on Buffy's desk.  "And now me.  I want you to remember something, pet.  All of them, the one's before, you never asked them to go.  Leaving was their decision.  But me.  You've tried to kick me out of your life from the moment we met.  I was just too damn stubborn to leave.  Maybe I shouldn't have gone after the fight with the Nibblet, but she just sang the same tune as you – get lost.  So that's exactly what I did."  Spike stopped pacing.  He stood stone still in front of her.  "It's still daylight outside and I don't feel like running under a blanket, so I'm going to stay in the basement until sunset.  Then I'll go.  But I'm not going to leave town, not until things are settled with the Nibblet.  If you don't like it, too damn bad!"  Spike grabbed his bag off the floor, throwing it over his shoulder.  "But you remember, I'm going because you told me to go.  It's your choice, not mine!"  And with that, he was out the door.

Buffy stared at the doorway Spike had just walked through.  Boy.  How long had he been keeping that inside?  Buffy sat on the edge of her bed.  She had some thinking to do.  

---TBC  


	18. The Rough Stuff

Summary:       Do they always have to fight?

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 18 - The Rough Stuff 

Spike slammed the basement door closed behind him, separating the top hinge from the wall in the process.  "Stupid!  Fucking!  Slayer!"  He didn't think he'd ever been this mad in his entire life – dead or alive.  "She'll never learn!"  He threw his bag on the floor, dropping down to sit next to where it had landed.  They had been having a fine time.  So the talk with the Nibblet's boyfriend had been unexpected, and Cass's phone call had put a kink in the situation, and the Watcher's timing could have been better, but still.  They were together.  They were getting along.  She had to go and blow it.  Spike pushed his fingers through his bleached hair.  He should have now better.  Buffy would never change.  Would never let go of the past.  She would never see him as different from the other's that had left her.  

Spike laid back on the cement floor, closing his eyes, his anger draining away.  "Because you left too, you bloody wanker."  Christ, he was as much a fool as she was.  He could have calmed her down.  Could have apologized for the scene in the living room.  But what good would it do?  Sooner or later, she would start to doubt him.  And eventually, he would leave again.  He had a business, a life in New Orleans.  He couldn't just up and leave it because she crooked her pretty little finger in his direction.  A line from one of Nibblet's favorite movies, "The Princess Bride", drifted through his head.  'Most likely kill you in the morning.'  That would forever be his lot in life if he stayed in Sunnyhell.  The Slayer would most likely stake him one of these days.  A moment lost in one of her temper tantrums she would never be able to take back.       

"Bloody hell."  Spike smashed his fists into the cement floor.  He thought of Angel and all his brooding.  Wouldn't help matters to be like Peaches.  It was over and done with now.  He might as well get some work done.  He'd promised Cass an answer about hiring another waitress.  Spike sat up, taking his laptop out of the bag at his side.  He looked around the basement, searching for a phone jack for his modem, determined to push thoughts of Buffy from his mind.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

An hour later, Buffy slowly opened the door to the basement.  She tentatively took a few steps down the stairs, not quite sure what Spike's reaction would be to her intrusion.  The vampire turned his head briefly in her direction, making eye contact for a split-second before giving his full attention back to the computer screen.  Buffy winced.  Yep, still pissed-off.  She sat down on the steps, resigned to waiting for him to acknowledge her presence once again.  Normally, charging head first into battle was more her style, but she knew this particular opponent too well.  Starting another argument with him wouldn't get her what she wanted.  

And Buffy had decided what she wanted.  She wanted to forget the entire scene in the bedroom ever took place.  Spike had pushed a few buttons she would have preferred remain push-less.  Maybe it was the truth – maybe.  But it wasn't something she was up to dealing with, especially when he was yelling at her.  Over the past year, she had learned it was better to calmly talk about things, not scream and yell like Xander's parents.  Maybe in a couple of months, they could talk about her father and Angel and Riley and Giles, but not now.  The little voice in her head popped up.  No, not when you're still so scared that he might leave again too.  

"Spit it out, Slayer.  What do you want?"  Spike never turned around as he spoke.  He had read the same e-mail twice.  He felt her eyes boring into his back, distracting him.  He'd just let her tell him he was wrong, then she would go away.  He knew that's what she wanted.  She always had to have the last word.  

Buffy bit her bottom lip in frustration.  Slayer.  How could he make that one word sound like an insult?  "I was thinking, maybe I should call Dawn.  You know, tell her to come home today instead of tomorrow."  

Spike looked over his shoulder at her.  What was she talking about?  "Yeah, fine.  Do whatever you want."  Spike had figured she'd call the Nibblet home early.  The need for her absence had disappeared.  It wasn't like HE would be staying the night.  Nothing to hide from her delicate, teenage ears. 

"We'll tell her about Giles' phone call and the spell and everything tonight, at least that will give her Sunday to, well, get a grip on it.  I figured, if we tell her Sunday afternoon, then send her to school on Monday, it would be sort of cruel.  I mean, this will be a major wiggins for her.  I'd like to give her a day to recuperate.  To adjust."  

Buffy watched Spike close his laptop, then turn to give her his full attention.  "If WE tell her?"  He crossed his arms and arched his eyebrow, punctuating the question.

Buffy eyes widened in fake surprise.  She knew what Spike was getting at, but she didn't want to go there.  Denial, denial, denial.  "Well, I just assumed you'd help me.  She's going to need all the support we can give her."  Buffy stood up, walking the rest of the way down the stairs.  "I'll call Will, ask her and Tara to bring Dawn home.  Maybe we could even make it a Scooby dinnerfest.  You know, invite Xan and Anya too.  We're eventually going to have to tell everyone anyone; we'll just do it all tonight."  Buffy bit her lower lip again, wondering if Spike was going to let her get away with this.

Spike just stared at her for a minute.  She was going to act like…  She wasn't even going to admit that…  He shook his head, the tension in his body melting away.  His arms fell to his side.  Always trust the Slayer to ignore what she didn't want to deal with.  "Do you have to invite the whelp?  Seeing him yesterday was enough of a reunion for me."  

A genuine smile spread across Buffy's face.  She crossed the rest of the room to stand in front of Spike, and greedily leaned into his body when his arms came up to embraced her.  Yep, he was going to let her get away with it.  "Xander isn't that bad.  He was wonderful while you were gone.  All protective of my Slayer virtue."  Buffy heard Spike's snort.  She leaned back a little, so that she could look up at his face.  "It's your fault you know.  All that valiant knight stuff in the letter.  He walked around thinking he was King Arthur for months."

Spike pushed Buffy's head back to his chest, enjoying the feel of her pressed against his body.  He placed his chin on the top of her head.  "What have I done now?  Given the glorified bricklayer delusions of bloody grandeur?"  Spike felt Buffy's smile widen against his chest.  He rubbed his hands down her back.  "You're right though, Nibblet will need everyone's support to get through this.  Let's go upstairs so you can call the witches."

Buffy squeezed her arms around Spike's waist.  "In a minute.  Just want to stay here a while.  Okay?"  She felt Spike brush his lips over the top of her head.  She had almost lost him again.  And soon she would have to share him with her sister.  Right now, Buffy needed to be in his arms, the outside world forgotten.  She whispered against him. "Love you."

A slight shudder rolled through Spike's body.  He didn't think he'd ever get used to hearing those words from her lips.  They were something from his dreams, not part of reality.  He pulled her closer to him, almost breaking her ribs with the force of his need to prove to himself that she was real.  That she was here with him.  "I love you too, Buffy."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Awkward.  That was the best word Buffy could come up with to describe the situation.  She looked around the dinner table at the faces of her friends.  Well, all the faces she could see.  Xander refused to look up from his plate.  He seemed to be fascinated by the spaghetti.  Willow wouldn't even look in Spike's direction or Buffy's, choosing instead to keep her eyes locked to the flower arrangement behind Anya's head.  Dawn, Tara and Anya were trying their best to ignore the other two and keep up a steady stream of conversation with Spike.  Buffy couldn't take it anymore.  "Okay, I've had enough."  She put her fork down on her plate.  "Will?  Xan?  Could I see you two outside for a minute?"

Once the three of them were on the front porch, Buffy started firing questions.  "What's wrong with the two of you?  You've known, for like weeks, that I wanted Spike back.  Now all of a sudden, you can't even look at him?  Can't even look at me?  It's not like it's a surprise to see him here.  You did leave me with him in the ally of the Bronze, like yesterday."

Xander shuffled his feet, giving Willow a 'you start' kind of look.  Willow nodded her agreement.  "Buffy, it's not that we're surprised or anything.  But, ah, we did some talking today and we're concerned about, well, about everything that's going on."  

Buffy frowned.  Willow was a babbler.  It wasn't like her to tip-toe around a subject.  "Okay.  I thought we had covered all of this, but obviously I was wrong.  What's the deal?"

Xander decided it was his turn to speak.  "Can we move away from the house a little?  Vampire hearing and all."  Buffy followed as the two walked closer to the street.  They were leaning against Xander's car when the conversation continued.

Willow was once again the spokesperson.  "After Michael left today, I called Xander.  I was completely wigged.  I wasn't sure what to do.  Then we started talking.  You know, Buff, Michael brought up some valid points.  I mean, you and Spike fight, physically fight, an awful lot.  Maybe it isn't good that Dawn see that kind of stuff.  She might get the wrong idea.  You know, start to think its okay for people in relationships to hit each other."  

Buffy rolled her eyes.  "Oh come on!  Not you guys too!  Do I look like I'm hurt?  Do you see a bruise anywhere on my body?"  Buffy lifted her skirt to expose her thighs.  "Spike would never hurt me.  You know that."

Somewhere deep inside, Alexander LaVelle Harris found the courage to look Buffy straight in the eye.  "It's not Spike were worried about.  He's not the one who starts the fights.  You're usually the first-punch gal, Buff.  Spike just, sort of, well, defends himself."  Admitting that Spike wasn't always the bad guy had cost Xander much in the pride department.    

"I can't believe this!"  Buffy was in total shock.  "I've been trying to convince the two of you that Spike would never hurt me.  That all he does is defend himself.  And you choose now to believe it, but you are using it to make me look like the bad guy in all this?"  Buffy took a step back.  "Now you think my, what, violent tendencies, are going to scar Dawn for life.  I'm the Slayer.  No matter what I do, she's going to see me kill demons, dust vampires.  It's the job."

"But do you have to bring it home?"  The concern was evident on Willow's face.  "Buffy, you're right.  Being the Slayer is who you are, and Dawn is going to be exposed to that no matter how much you try to protect her from it.  We just think that if you're serious about this relationship with Spike, you need to stop beating him up.  It looks bad."

Buffy looked between Willow's face and Xander's.  They were really worried about this.  Neither one of them would willingly jumped to Spike's defense, she was sure of that.  But, Dawn.  Both of them would do anything, anything in the world to protect her little sister.  WAS she setting a bad example for Dawn?  "You two think this is a real problem, don't you?"

Xander touched Buffy's arm.  "Not yet.  I mean, before this weekend, Spike had been in the enemy camp, even if he did straddle the fence."  Xander's tongue tripped over the word straddle.  "And fighting the evil, undead enemy – okay.  But if you are going to be together, we think you should make sure Dawn understands the different levels of fighting.  She's seen Anya and I fight, but we've never come to blows.  Maybe you could leave the violence for the training room."  

Willow took a step closer to her friend.  "Buffy just think about it.  You remember what it was like when you're parents fought.  How that stuck with you.  You are Dawnie's role model.  She's going to look to you for guidance.  You're going to influence how she lives her life.  How she deals with relationships.  And I'm not saying that being in a relationship with Spike is bad.  He's a vampire, but he adores you, adores Dawn.  We all know that he would die for either one of you.  But going forward, hitting him when he makes you mad probably wouldn't be the best thing."

Buffy took a minute to think about the things Willow and Xander had said.  They were right.  She didn't want Dawn to think hitting was something to be tolerated in any relationship.  Maybe she did get too violent with Spike.  In her mind, it didn't mean much because neither of them were serious about hurting each other, but it could leave Dawn with a different impression.  "I guess, I never thought about it that way before.  The last thing I want is for Dawn to think the hitting someone you love, or being hit by someone who says they love you is acceptable.  I think I need to have a talk with her about it."  Buffy hugged both of her friends.  "And thanks for caring so much about her to bring it up.  I know it wasn't easy for either of you."

Willow shrugged.  "You're our friend.  Dawn's our friend.  We couldn't not say something when it was so important."

Buffy linked arms with her two best friends as they made their way back to the house.  "But why all the secrecy?  Why did we walk out to the curb?"

Xander rolled his eyes.  "Like I want dead boy jr to think I care if you beat the crap out of him."  Buffy just laughed.

---TBC


	19. And Things Get Worse

Summary:       The gang is told the sitch.  Faith gets some news.  The true evil is revealed.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes 

**Chapter 19 – And Things Get Worse**

Telling everyone about the spell the monks' cast wasn't as difficult as Buffy thought it was going to be.  Spike had done most of the explaining, making sure Dawn was firmly seated on the couch close to her sister before he began.  The story he told was a mix of where he had been, what he had been doing, his run in with Giles and the research about the Key.  Dawn had been silent through it all.  While the other Scoobies fired questions at the vampire, Dawn sat next to Buffy in stone-silence, a god-awful shade of grey covering her face.  Once everyone was brought up to speed and all the questions that could be answered were answered, it was decided that Spike and the others would handle patrol; Buffy would stay home with Dawn.

It was an eerie two hours of silence.  Dawn let her sister take her upstairs.  She let Buffy help her get ready for bed.  She even let Buffy tuck her in, something that hadn't happened since both girls were in grade school.  But Dawn wouldn't talk.  Buffy tried to drawl her out, tried to get her younger sister to open up, but Dawn wouldn't say a word.  In the end, the concerned Slayer could do nothing more than tuck Dawn's hair behind her ear, brush a kiss across her forehead, and tell her she loved her.  Then she had gone into her own room to wait for Spike to return.  

It wasn't until hours later that Dawn finally broke out of her coma-like state.  She quietly opened the door to Buffy's room, not even bothering to knock.  Since neither Slayer nor vampire could sleep, thoughts of the teenage girl they both loved keeping them awake, they weren't surprised by the nighttime interruption.  Buffy sat up slightly in bed.  "Dawnie?  Did you have a bad dream?"  The expression on Dawn's face was one of pure agony.  

Dawn briefly shook her head.  "I couldn't sleep."  Her voice was weak, sounding like it was coming from miles away.  "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Buffy thought her heart would break.  "Of course, you can stay with us.  Come here."  Buffy lifted the covers of the quilt in invitation.  Somehow, Spike had known this would happen.  Buffy was grateful he had insisted she wear her sushi pyjamas to bed; he his jeans.  Dawn quickly made herself comfortable in the empty space next to Buffy.  The Slayer wrapped her arms around her little sister, silently giving her all her support.    

Spike decided that three in Buffy's bed was a bit much.  Besides, Buffy and Dawn needed the time alone.  He would be there for them in the morning.  Spike climbed out the opposite side of the bed.  "I'll be on the couch if either of you need me." 

Spike hadn't taken two steps when Dawn stopped him.  "No!"  She almost yelled, her voice filled with panic.  "I mean… please Spike, don't leave.  I, I need you here too.  Please."  

Spike could see the tears forming in her eyes, threatening to spill at any moment.  Summers' tears always did him in.  "Alright, Nibblet.  Toss me a pillow and I'll sleep on the floor, right next to you.  Will that be okay?"  

Dawn nodded her agreement.  Once Spike was settled, she began to talk.  "Are you sure this spell Giles found is going to work?"

Buffy tightened her arms around her sister.  "If Giles says he has the answer, we have to believe him, Dawnie.  He's never lied to us before, has he?"  

A small shutter ran through the younger Summers.  "No.  Giles wouldn't lie to us.  But I don't understand where he's going to find a soul.  I mean, we need a soul right?  Spike, said the ritual requires a soul.  How do we find a soul?"

Buffy waited for Spike to answer Dawn's questions.  She had to admit, that particular point had been prickling at her too.  Where were they going to find the soul they need to complete the spell?  When it became apparent that Spike wasn't going to cough up that bit of information, Buffy made an attempt to answer Dawn herself.  "Dawnie, it's Giles.  He'll find it.  Actually, when I spoke to him earlier, he seemed more worried about finding the Cup of Souls than any pesky soul."  Buffy knew the minute the words were out of her mouth, that the last sentence had been a mistake.  Dawn stiffened next to her.  "Not that finding the Cup will be a problem.  Giles said that Spike's friend Anthony can find anything."

Spike finally decided to involve himself in the conversation.  "Yeah, Nibblet.  Tony could find where Jimmy Hoffa was buried if he put his mind to it.  He's a wiz at stuff like this.  He already has a general idea of where to look.  It's just a matter of contacting some people and demons he knows.  Not to worry.  Giles and Tony will find the Cup.  Then we all do the ritual thing.  It'll take less time than it does for you and your sis to get ready to go out at night.  I promise."  Spike was lying on the floor, but he lifted his arm up onto the mattress.  Dawn quickly grabbed his hand in her own.  "And I'm back to protect you.  I'm sorry I cut out before.  A bloody wanker, I was.  I should know a Summers' temper tantrum when I see one.  I ignore them from the Slayer; I should have ignored you too."

Dawn laughed, and it was the most wonderful noise Buffy had ever heard.  They'd get through this together, like a family.  "I shouldn't have blamed you for – " 

Spike interrupted her.  "You already apologized for that, Nibblet.  Its done and over with.  Were mates again.  Not to worry."  Spike squeezed the female hand that held his own for emphasis.  "Now, let's get some sleep.  Your sister kept me awake all night last night.  Didn't even get a bleedin' nap today.  AND I had to put up with Harris."  

Dawn scrunched her nose and stuck out her tongue.  "Spike, I'm laying in this bed.  Please don't make me think about what the two of you have done in it.  I'll be scarred for life."

Spike snorted.  "Then I guess it's a good thing I helped your sis change the sheets."  

Spike was promptly hit in the head by a big, fluffy pillow.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

While the occupants of the Summers' house finally fell asleep, another Slayer lay wide awake in her cell in a prison just outside of LA.  For her too, it had been a busy day.    

The lawyers that Spike had hired (and neglected to tell Giles about) to review Faith's file had been to visit her earlier that day.  The conversation was a blur, mostly because it consisted of legal mumbo-jumbo Faith would never understand, but she had latched on to the important part.  They thought they had found a reason to appeal her case.  

Faith knew she was responsible for what happened four years ago.  It was the reason she had stood in the courtroom pleading guilty to all charges.  The reason she hadn't broken out of this prison that wasn't built to hold a Slayer.  A part of her knew it wasn't right to have a chance at being released because a couple of beat cops had screwed up evidence, and an overworked assistant district attorney hadn't been at his best due to enormous case load, and the guy from the public defender's office had screwed up her limited defense.  But it was a shot, and she was going to take it.

The lawyers said they were going to call Mr Summers, aka Spike, on Monday, to keep him informed of the new development, then they were going to file the appropriate paperwork with the courts.  They had come to Faith first, because even though Mr Summers was paying the bills, she was their client.                

Faith was numb from head to toe.  A chance.  That's all she needed, all she wanted.  Just a chance.  A chance to make something of her life.  A chance to make up for all the pain she had caused.  A chance to be the type of person Buffy was.  Someone you ran to for help in a crisis.  Not the person you looked at wondering if they were the cause of it.  

Faith knew it wasn't going to be easy.  Mending fences wasn't her strong suit, but she had learned some things in prison.  One of them being the fact that no matter how screwed up she thought her life was, this wasn't the place where she wanted to spend the rest of it.  

She remembered being jazzed when she first learned she had been called.  The kid that everyone, including her parents, thought would never amount to anything, was The Chosen One.  The trouble-maker, the punk, the juvenile delinquent was the Slayer.  She had seen it as her way out of hell.  But she'd never left hell; she had just changed the scenery.  

She could kill all the demons in the world, accept for the ones that lived inside herself.  She needed help, and she knew it.  And if help came in the form of a chipped vampire and a job waiting tables in a bar in New Orleans, she was going to take it.  She had given up being the pissed-off loner.  She wasn't even sure she wanted to fight demons anymore.  Maybe what she wanted was a nice quiet life.  Something that would keep her off the Council's radar, because the last thing she wanted was to trade one prison cell for another.  She needed to find answers for all the questions in her life, but she had time.  Right now, all she needed to do was concentrate on getting out.  

Faith rolled over in her narrow bed.  And for the first time, in a very long time, she prayed.         

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

And in England, Quentin Travers was getting the latest report on the Slayer, her 'boyfriend', and the rest of her group.  Ruppert Giles was an imbecile if he thought the Quentin had been satisfied with his explanation and dismissal of the young girl who was the Key.  The threat of the hell-god might be gone, but the Key itself was still a powerful force that needed to be controlled.  And the Slayer and her Watcher were hiding it from him.  Most days, the girl was more trouble than she was worth.  "You are doing a splendid job.  Email the written report to me this evening.  I'll look over it and telephone your superior in the morning.  He will forward it to our contact in Washington after our conversation."

The Head of the Watcher's Council ran his hand over the artifact sitting on his desk as he hung up the receiver.  It had taken a pretty penny to acquire the Cup of Souls, but it was worth all the money in the Council's coffers.  Whatever reason Ruppert had for wanting the relic had to be tied to the Slayer.  The Watcher's recent encounter with William the Bloody and the vampire's re-emergence in Sunnydale, both pointed to that one truth.  Quentin was sure of it.  Sooner or later, Ruppert would discover who was in possession of the Cup, and when he did, the Slayer would have no choice but to contact the Council.  But unlike their last meeting, this time Quentin would have power over the Slayer; he would be in control.  

---TBC


	20. All The Cards on the Table

Summary:       Dawn's thoughts on the Spike and Buffy thing.  A minor discussion about Cassandra.  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes 

**Chapter 20 – All The Cards on the Table**

Dawn woke up to the sounds of yelling, and it made her smile.  In a creepy way, it was comforting.  Buffy and Spike were in the middle of a monster argument downstairs, but she couldn't make out the words, just the volume.  Dawn snuggled deeper under the covers.  Buffy and Spike.  Spike and Buffy.  The two people she loved most in the world.  Both downstairs where she could find them if she needed them.  Both there to protect her.  So she had to put up with a screaming match now and again.  They wouldn't be them if they didn't fight.

For most people, living in a house with feuding parental figures would be a strain, but not for Dawn.  How many times had she listened to her mom and dad fight?  How many days and nights had she heard them lash out at each other with vicious barbs, not caring about the two girls who could hear them from their bedrooms?  It should have been the same, but it wasn't.  Buffy and Spike fought, physically sometimes, but the anger just didn't seem to come from the same place as the anger of her parents.  Towards the end it was apparent even to a little girl that Joyce and Hank Summers had come to hate each other.  They couldn't be in the same room without the tension threatening to break them both.  But that vibe didn't go with Spike and Buffy.  The tension was there, sure, but it was laced with other things.  Like one kiss, one tenderness and everything else would dissolve away.  Hadn't she seen it at the Bronze?  All it took were Buffy's tears to stop the argument between them.  Dawn remembered her mom crying on several occasions and it never seemed to stop her dad's verbal assaults.  

Not that Dawn was gung-ho about the beat-me, hurt-me, whip-me side of their arguments.  Dawn hoped that Buffy's admission of love for Spike would put a stop to that.  It was painful to watch the two of them beat on each other.  Hiding real problems and unspoken emotions behind fist and fangs.  Not the healthiest of relationships.  But then, Dawn wasn't a slayer or a vampire.  Maybe they needed the physical release as much as they needed the verbal one.  Dawn wasn't sure.  She knew neither of them had ever thought about it before.  It was apparent neither thought about how their actions effected other people.  The look on their faces when she came to them with Michael's accusations confirmed it.  Sometimes, Buffy and Spike were so lost in their own little world they completely forgot everybody else.  

Dawn pulled the covers over her head as the volume rose a few more decibels.  Like right now, she thought.  Didn't they know she was trying to sleep up here!    

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Christ, Slayer!  Would you just drop it."  Spike tried once more to exit the kitchen, and was once more stopped by Buffy's tight grip on his arm.  He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.  One day, he thought.  Can't we have one day, hell one morning, without a bloody argument?

Buffy's eyes were filled with rage and jealousy.  "Listen up, Casanova.  If you think you're getting out of telling me everything, and I mean everything, about Cassandra, you can think again!"  This particular argument had started ten minutes ago, right after Spike had hung up his cell phone.

In truth, the call had been completely innocent.  Spike had been in the kitchen waiting for Buffy to come downstairs.  She was taking her usual time in the shower.  A shower she refused to share with him, claiming she didn't want to wake up Dawn.  Uhmp!  He'd been bored, so he called Cass to find out about the Saturday night totals.  He'd meant to make it a quick call, but talking to Cass always relaxed Spike, and the call went on longer than he intended.  It wasn't that he loved Cass.  At least, not like he loved Buffy.  It was just that, well, his history with Cass was different than his history with the Slayer.  For one, he'd never tried to kill Cassandra.  And she understood vampires in a way the Slayer probably never would.  You made or broke your relationship with Cass by your actions, not the actions of your entire species.  Cassandra had always seen him as a man first, a demon second.  He was never a soulless, evil creature.  To her, Spike was just Spike.  And that meant something.  But how couldn't explain it to Buffy?  

Spike sighed.  He closed his eyes for a moment, intent on calming the storm of his emotions.  He took a few unneeded breaths before reopening his eyes.  Buffy was still plenty mad and still had a death grip on his left arm.  Spike brought his right hand up to caress her cheek.  His voice back to a normal tone.  "I'm in love with you, Slayer."  He brushed his thumb across her lower lip.  "Somehow, I think I've always been in love with you.  I've been waiting for you my entire life."  The pressure on his arm lessened.  "Leaving you, even when I thought you hated me, was the hardest thing I ever done.  And now, knowing my leaving caused you even more pain, it's almost unbearable."  Spike tucked Buffy's hair behind her ear.  "But I'm not going to tell you everything you want to know, luv.  And I never will.  Whether it has to do with Cass, or the things I did before I knew you.  Some things I'm keeping to myself.  You're just going to have to trust me."  With that, Spike finally slipped away from Buffy and walked out of the kitchen.  

Buffy grabbed the counter for support.  A part of her screamed, 'NO! I won't accept that!'  But another part of her understood.  And it was all because of his stupid eyes.  After five years, Buffy finally learned if she really wanted to know what Spike was thinking or feeling, all she had to do was look in his eyes.  He couldn't hide anything from her there.  And everything he said moments ago had been reflected in them.  Love, pain, heartbreak, honesty, trust.  He wasn't going to tell her, and a round of kick-the-Spike wasn't going to get her anywhere.  

And it went against EVERYTHING in her Slayer nature.  The Slayer screamed at her to chase after him, knock him to the ground, beat on him until he told her what she wanted to know.  But Willow and Xander's voices danced in her too.  The conversation from the night before playing word for word in her head.   Especially Willow, "Hitting him when he makes you mad probably wouldn't be the best thing."  No, she wouldn't hit him, no matter how much she wanted to.  

Buffy walked into the living room, finding Spike sitting on the couch, the remote in his hand as he flipped through channels.  She took a seat next to him.  Spike's eyes darted to her a few times.  She could feel the tension in his body.  Probably waiting for the beating, she thought.  God, it WAS that bad.  Okay, Buffy, she thought.  How do 'normal' people handling situations like this?  Buffy placed her hand on Spike's, slowly turning it over so she could lace their fingers together.  "I trust you.  But I don't like walking in to the kitchen, finding my guy on the phone with some girl I don't know, telling her he loves her.  Sorry I went all psycho-girlfriend on you, but that's the way it is.  Deal."  Buffy slowly moved her eyes from their joined hands to his profile.  "Now, talk to me."

Spike was also looking down at their intertwined fingers.  He squeezed gently, reveling in the fact that he was here with her and that she was calm.  He laid his head on the back of the couch.  Maybe he did owe her some explanation.  Not a play-by-play of his relationship with Cass, but enough so Buffy would know exactly where his heart lay, and that the other woman was in no way a threat to their fragile new beginning.  If she was willing to try a different tact, maybe he could too.  It was obvious yelling and screaming got them no where.  Spike sat up, turning towards Buffy, never letting go of her hand.  "What do you want to know?"

Buffy shrugged.  Oh, I don't know.  Everything!"  She sighed as she saw the frustration manifest itself in his eyes.  Damn eyes.  Let's try it again, Buff.  "But I'll settle for less.  Is she… pretty?"

The tension slowly melted from Spike's body.  "Gorgeous."  He leaned closer to Buffy when he felt her stiffen.  "To some."  He ran his free hand through Buffy's hair.  "But she's a brunette with green eyes.  Not exactly my type.  And she doesn't like to fight demons.  Prefers to research.  And we both know how bloody boring that can be."  

Buffy smiled as Spike's fingers found the back of her neck, applying light pressure to that special spot where she stored all her stress.  She could feel her body relaxing at his touch.  He was too cute for his own good.  "And she's not really strong either.  Not Slayer strong.  And you like really strong woman."

Spike leaned closer, nuzzling his nose against the side of Buffy's neck.  She had that just showered smell.  All vanilla and jasmine and something else totally her own.  God, he loved the way she smelled!  "Definitely like strength.  Especially in the legs."  He moved their joined hands to her upper thigh.  His knuckles sliding higher and higher… 

Buffy knew where this was going and it wouldn't help her get the information she wanted.  She pushed his hand away.  "Stop that.  We're talking here."  Spike moved their hands, but kept his face buried in her neck.  "She's related to Anthony and she works at your bar, right?"  She barely heard Spike's mumbled positive reply.  "And you love her."  It wasn't a question.  It was the reason for the entire argument.  Buffy had walked into the kitchen as Spike was saying goodbye to Cassandra on the phone.  His last words before hanging up had been 'love you too.'

Spike nipped at Buffy's jugular before moving away from her neck.  He felt the shudder of pleasure pass through her.  He touched his forehead to her.  "That's really all you want to know, isn't it?"  Buffy barely nodded.  "I love her.  Like a friend.  Like you love the Willow and Xander."

"Yeah, but I've never slept with Willow or Xander."  Buffy pushed away from him.  Not enough to break the contact of their hands, but just enough to create some distance.  He was telling the truth.  Buffy knew that.  It was the only reason she was still calm.  The truth was there, in those damn blue eyes…  "You want to explain that?"

Spike at least had the good sense to look a bit ashamed.  He could tell her that sex was different for a vampire.  He had slept with countless women and had still been faithful to Dru.  It was the way things were done.  But he knew that explanation wouldn't go over at all.  And it would only make her doubt him more in the long run.  No, better keep that bit of information to himself.  Not that he would ever cheat on Buffy.  He knew she wouldn't take infidelity lightly.  Just another thing he would have to give up to be with her, but it was all worth it in the end.  "I didn't think I would ever see you again.  I was starting a new life.  I was lonely and Cass was there.  I like her.  You'd like her too, I think.  She has a good head on her shoulders.  Both of us were honest from the beginning.  I'm not the love of her life, anymore than she is mine.  But we understood each other, had a good time.  And when it was over, we walked away friends."

"And it IS over, right?  Completely over."  Buffy was biting on her bottom lip.  Spike new relationships scared her.  Something having the power to hurt her heart frightened her more than Glory ever had.

Spike gently touched Buffy's cheek again.  "Luv, Cass once told me that she was only leasing me, and the lease was up.  She knew who owned my heart.  Trust me.  It's over.  While I was still fighting with Ripper about coming back to Sunnydale, she bought the plane ticket.  Couldn't wait to pack me up and ship me back to you.  She said I was turning into a real grump anyway.  Missing you and loving you and all.  Wasn't the same anymore."

"So I got you because she was finished with you?"  It wasn't malicious.  Actually there was a bit of sarcasm in Buffy's words.

Spike pulled Buffy towards him, claiming her with his mouth.  Telling her things he could never fully express with words.  When they parted, she was gasping for breath.  "You always had me, and you know it.  Don't be a soddin' idiot, Slayer."

Buffy smiled.  "I know.  You're totally mine.  Just wanted to make sure you knew it too."  Buffy pulled Spike back for another mind-blowing kiss.  She still had her doubts, but she'd let things go.  For now.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

That's how Dawn found them when she came downstairs, cuddled up together on the couch watching TV.  She had waited until the argument was over before making her way out of Buffy's bedroom.  Just because she was willing to put up with their fights didn't mean she wanted to be caught in the middle of one.  But the storm seemed to have passed, and they were back to lovey-dovey land, so it was okay.  For now.  

She dropped down on the couch next to Buffy.  "So, what ya watching?"

Spike looked over Buffy's head to stare at Dawn.  "Took you long enough to get up, Nibblet.  We've been waiting for hours."

Dawn stared back at the vampire.  Okay, he was her friend and he was bonking her sister, but that didn't give him the right to take a fatherly tone with her.  "Actually, I've been up for awhile.  See, I was rudely awakened by this loud, continuous bellowing coming from downstairs."  Spike frowned.  Oh yeah, guilt was definitely the weapon of choice.  "The next time you two feel like fighting, could you wait til I'm at school or something?"

Spike was about to answer when Buffy bolted straight up out of his arms.  He raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at him.  "Un, Spike, didn't you say something about taking a shower?"

Spike frowned.  What the hell was she talking about now?  "Earlier.  Earlier, Slayer, I said something about a shower, but you had other ideas, remember?"

Buffy blushed.  "Well, uh, now would be a great time for you to do that."  She stood up, dragged the vampire off the couch with her and proceeded to maneuver him out of the living room.  With a finally shove she said, "So, go do it."

Spike stumbled a bit before regaining his balance.  "Slayer, what's your bloody problem this morning?" 

Buffy smiled weakly over her shoulder at Dawn, who was looking at Buffy like she had just grown two heads, then she directed her attention back to Spike.  Couldn't he take a hint?  Buffy sighed loudly as she grabbed his elbow, this time gently leading him out of the room.  When they were out of Dawn's line of sight she spoke, her voice a whisper.  "I need to have a private conversation with my sister, if that's all right with you."

Now Spike was looking at her like she was the aforementioned two-head creature.  "Why didn't you just say so?  I'll go read in your room or something."

Buffy was getting agitated.  "No, I want you in the shower."  Spike continued to look her in confusion.  "Look, if you're in my room, you can still hear every word we say."  Buffy tugged on his left ear lobe.  "Vampire hearing.  I know a few walls don't interfere with that.  But, if you're in the shower, the water should drown out most of the conversation, right?"  Spike nodded.  "So, just go take a shower, 'kay?"

There was a pleading tone in Buffy's voice that Spike didn't like.  Whatever she wanted to talk to the Nibblet about, obviously she didn't want him to hear.  "Is this about sex?"  Buffy almost growled.  "Never mind.  If it is, I don't want to know anyway."  He rolled his eyes.  "I'll be in the shower if you need me, and I'll take a long one.  Alright?"  

Buffy let out the breath she had been holding.  She stood on her tip-toes to reach his mouth for a tender kiss.  "Thank you."  She watched as he took the stairs two at a time, mumbling under his breath as he went.  When he was gone, she turned back towards the living room.  She'd give him a few minutes, then her and Dawn were going to have a long overdue talk about hitting and physical fights and how they were not-of-the-good in normal human relationships.

---TBC


	21. Information

Summary:       Giles goes on a trip to uncover some disturbing information.

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes Chapter 21 - Information 

"What do we know?"  Cass walked down the bar until she was standing in front of the two men.  Both their heads bent over books, intent and completely ignoring her.  She unceremoniously placed a cup of tea in front of one, a cup of blood in front of the other.  "Hello?  Anyone going to answer me?"  She banged her fist on the bar, determined to get their attention.  "What!  Do!  We!  Know!"

Her grandfather, who was accustomed to the unexpected outbursts of Cassandra's Irish temper, still ignored her, but it was enough to startle Giles from his reading.  "I'm sorry, Cassandra.  Were you saying something?"

Cassandra rolled her eyes to the ceiling.  God save her from all men!  She took a deep breath to calm herself before answering.  "I wanted to know if you had found out anything new about the spell."  It was late Tuesday afternoon.  Cass had left the men alone with their books while she cleaned up the bar from the previous night.  The task now completed, she turned her full attention back to the men who had been pouring over one text then another for the past six weeks, looking for answers.

Giles' mouth was set in a grim line.  "No.  Unfortunately, we have found nothing new.  But we did manage to find mention of the spell in other manuscripts, confirming the information I first found.  We need both the soul freely given and the Cup of Souls to complete the ritual."  The location of the Cup still alluded the group, making the Watcher quite nervous.  Truthfully, at this point, additional research was useless to them.  They had the information they needed, but without the Cup…  

Cassandra nodded in agreement.  She could see the worry pass along Giles face.  The Cup of Souls.  Even with her grandfather's contacts here and abroad, they were unable to find it's current owner.  Their research had started with the Cups origins in the medieval period.  They had been able to trace ownership of the Cup from one century to the next, even finding it in the hands of a collector of antiquities as recently as 1953.  But then, the trail suddenly stopped.  No one had seen or heard of the Cup that was said to carry with it mystical powers for more than forty years.  "I still think one of us should make a visit to Gabriel Ryan.  I know we talked to the old man on the phone, but surely a collector would have records of ownership.  Something we could trace."

Anthony lifted his head from his own book, taking a sip of the fresh blood Cassandra had put in front of him.  "I talked to the man on the phone, girl.  He said all his records were lost in a fire a few years back.  Obviously, he can be of no use to us."

Cassandra looked at her grandfather, shaking her head.  "A fire?  That's what he told you?  And you believed him?"  Finally, she had gained their undivided attention.  "Look, I know I'm the youngest of this little party, but have either of you thought about the fact we may not be the only ones looking for the Cup of Souls?  What if someone found Mr Ryan before us and told him not to tell one else who inquired?"  A look passed between Giles and Anthony.  "We've been working on this for weeks.  We could've, well, tipped our hand.  We haven't been quiet about the whole thing, you know.  Someone could have taking an interest because WE'VE taking an interest."

Anthony forcefully shut the book in front of him.  "Damn!  The girl could be right.  It didn't even occur to me.  Must be slipping in my old age.  Ruppert?"

"It's not just you.  I hadn't considered the possibility of anyone else wanting the Cup.  But we could have stirred renewed interest."  Giles felt the headache starting at the back of his skull.  Inwardly he cursed himself.  To be so stupid when so much was at stake.  "I guess I'll be going to Boston tomorrow to meet with Mr Ryan in person."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

During the flight, for the first time in two months Giles let his mind ponder the events that were taking him to Boston.  He hadn't allowed himself the time to think about anything but the spell and the Cup.  Never losing his purpose was the only way Giles knew how to live.  But then, recently, everything he ever thought he knew as fact had crumbled under closer inspection.  

Spike had been right about Anthony.  Giles had never met a more peculiar vampire.  No, that wasn't true either.  Each vampire Giles had actually taken the time to know, was peculiar.  Each had a different personality, a different way of dealing with the world in which he lived.  Were they special, these three that Giles could grudging call friends?  Angel, Spike, Anthony.  Or did all vampires have this, well, spirit in them capable of more than just bloodlust if given the opportunity, the reason?  Was everything he'd ever been taught a lie?  

He had learned long ago the Watcher's Council had no real idea what they were talking about when it came to dealing with Slayers.  Every Slayer and every Slayer/Watcher relationship was unique.  He knew that from first hand experience.  The traditional methods never worked with Buffy, but did work with Kendra.  Faith had needed a moral compass, where Buffy instinctual knew what was the right thing to do.  Even when sometimes he didn't.  

Ever rule had an exception.  But what was the exception?  What was the rule?  It was too much to think about right then.  Maybe he'd have a conversation with Anthony over a glass of scotch when he returned.

Anthony.  Yes, back to the peculiar vampire.  He was different from Spike or Angel.  There was something deep inside the man, something stronger than the demon that had taken possession of his body.  And Anthony was a man, a good man.  There was no arguing that point.  Giles had felt comfortable in his presence from the moment Spike had introduced them.  Never once did he fear that this vampire would attack him.  Anthony was genuinely concerned for the welfare of a sixteen year-old girl he had never met.  He was putting all his resources into finding the Cup of Souls to help save Dawn.  It was astonishing.  

You wouldn't know it look at him.  Wouldn't even know he was a vampire.  He had the look of a classic Irishman.  Green eyes, red hair that curled every which way atop his head.  A small, compact build.  Rough, callused hands.  Someone used to hard work, hard living.  A damn fine sense of humor, both bawdy and droll.  And a heart, well, a heart as big and open and caring as anyone Giles had ever met.  Not the textbook interpretation of a vampire.  

Many late nights had been spent in Spike's apartment, where Giles was staying, going through books and manuscripts.  The sounds of the bar wafting up through the rafters.  At times, the men would put their work away for the evening, going below to have a drink.  Other nights, when research was going no where, an both men were at the point of breaking, Anthony would take Giles around New Orleans, showing him the demon community Spike told Giles existed in the old world city.  It was a revelation.  It was an epiphany.  

Anthony even helped Giles understand Spike better than he ever had before.  Without guilt, Anthony was more than happy to tell Giles everything he knew about the blond.  Giving more details to their first and subsequent meetings, Anthony was a window into Spike's non-existent soul.  But still, Giles had bulked, physical and mentally, when Anthony casually mentioned Spike's love for Buffy.  It was the one point in all of this, he just couldn't – or wouldn't – grasp.  He would concede that Spike did hold some feelings for Buffy, but love?  No, a being without a soul could NOT love another.  It was impossible. 

Of course, Anthony had just laughed.  Giles remembered the old man looking at him like he was a complete git.  "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Ruppert!  What can't you understand?  It's a simple law of physics, really.  Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.  It applies to emotions too.  If you can hate, you can love.  If you can hurt, you can comfort.  Yeah, vampires normally keep their loving and comforting to their own kind, but just because you've never seen it before, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  Look at me and Cassandra.  Do you not see the love between the two of us?  She is of my blood.  I love her, my entire family, more than any one man has a right to.  Spike and I have both told you why I killed my sire.  I missed my wife!  And it's not like this is any ordinary woman William fell in love with.  She's the Slayer.  Truthfully, a more perfect match you couldn't design.  Who else can match her, strength for strength, knowledge for knowledge, heart for heart?  The things she does, the trials she faces.  Who else but a vampire could understand her?  Hell, you're a Watcher, and you've told me the girl confounds you on a regular basis.  And don't forget the sacrifices he's willing to make for her.  You don't do those things in less your in love with someone.  In my opinion, she's damn lucky to have him."  

Sacrifices.  And again, Giles mind drifted back to the Cup of Souls.  Infernal antique!  Giles would be happy when this whole soddin' mess was behind them.  Never was a Watcher looking forward to a more deserved vacation.  Tahiti should be nice this time of year.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Giles looked at the discrete bronze plaque affixed to the building in front of which he stood – Ryan and Lawry – Antiques.  Well, this was definitely the place.  Giles had come to the antique shop straight from the airport, feeling no need to waste time.  The sooner he found out whether the proprietor knew something about the Cup of Souls, the sooner Giles could return to his research.  He took a deep steadying breath as he opened the door of the shop.

The tinkling of the bell above his head momentarily caught his attention.  The sound so similar to the bell that hung in the Magic Box back in Sunnydale.  An omen, perhaps?  "Hello?  Anyone about?"  Giles walked fully into the shop, closing the door behind him.  "Mr Ryan?  Are you here?"

And old, gruff voice answered from the back of the store.  "One moment, please.  I'll be out in one moment."  Giles made his way to the shop counter, taking the time to look around while waiting for the owner to appear.  As antique store goes, it was quite acceptable.  He noticed some Queen Anne chairs in one corner.  A Mission style desk in another.  A few Victorian lamps and whatnots.  Your general, run-of-the-mill antiques.  Definitely nothing of the magical variety.  But then, maybe the Mr Ryan kept those antiques hidden away for special customers.  "Sorry to have kept you waiting."  Giles turned to the look at the man who had finally emerged from the back room.  He was older than Giles by about fifteen years.  Not a silver hair out of place.  A dated, but finally tailored suit adorning his body.  The smell of dust surrounding him.  He was the quintessential antique dealer.  "How may I help you today, sir?"

Giles placed his small carry-on bag on the floor, while extending his hand to the gentleman in front of him.  "Mr Ryan, Mr Gabrial Ryan?"  The two men shook hands as Ryan nodded positively to Giles question.  "Good afternoon.  My name is Rupert Giles.  You spoke to an associate of mine on the telephone a few weeks ago.  He inquired about a rather interesting antique.  The Cup of Souls?  Do you happen to remember?"

Agitation briefly flashed across the older man's face.  "Of course I remember.  How could I not?"  Ryan walked away from Giles in a dismissive fashion, putting the counter between them.  "I can't imagine why you've traveled all this way.  I don't have any additional information for you."

Giles pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.  "Yes, that is what you told my associate, but I had hoped he might have sparked a memory.  You know, something might have come to you since that telephone conversation?"  A waste of time.  A bloody waste of time.

"Sir, I will tell you exactly what I told the young gentleman, and the young lady who called before him, and the gentlemen with whom I first spoke. All the information I had about that particular challis was included in the box when I shipped it to London."  At Giles startled reaction to that bit of information, Mr Ryan looked apprehensively at the Watcher.  Had he spoken to soon?  "You are from Bradley and Sons, aren't you?"

Bradley and Sons.  Lord, it had been years since Giles had heard that name, but he didn't let it rattle him.  "Yes, yes, of course.  Let me show you my card."  Giles took his wallet out of the breast pocket of his suit.  "How stupid of me not to have presented it to you before making my inquiry."  Giles took an old business card from its hiding place, buried deep within the folds of leather.  He passed it to Ryan, smiling as he did so.

Ryan took the card from Giles outstretched hand.  He barely took the time to read it before he passed it back to the Englishman.  "Yes, how stupid of you."  It was apparent he was relieved by the sight of the small piece of parchment.  "Now, as I was saying.  I'm sorry for your wasted trip, but I have no additional information to give you.  And as I told the young gentleman when I spoke to him, only one other interested party has called about the challis.  Per our agreement, I told them I am no longer in possession of it.  I don't see how I could be of additional help.  That piece was part of an estate purchase decades ago.  And although an unusual piece, it is not the type, nor quality of antique that we sell in this shop.  I was surprised anyone had an interest in it.  I have tried to auction the challis several times over the years.  Truthfully, sir, the workmanship is quite poor."

Giles again extended his hand and smile to the agitated shop owner.  "Thank you, Mr Ryan.  I am sorry for bothering you once again, but you know how some dealers can be.  We just wanted to check one last time.  If anything should come up…?"

Ryan walked Giles towards the front door.  "Yes, yes.  I will phone immediately.  I completely understand."  He opened the door, an obvious invitation for Giles to leave.  "Have a good day, Mr Giles."

With the door to the small shop shut soundly behind him, Giles could only stare at the business card he still held in his hand.  It had been in his wallet for so long, the edges were curled.  Over twenty years and he was still using cards from the first printing.  

Bradley and Sons

Antiques and Occult Collections

London, England

Ruppert Giles – Appraisals

The business behind which the Council hid its true identity.      

---TBC


	22. Courting with Disaster

Summary:       Someone else takes an interest in Faith's case.  Spike's keeping secrets again, but Buffy's not sure about what.  Spike knows, but he's not telling.          

Warning:  There is something about Faith's case that has always bothered me.  I know nothing about the law, so bare with me.  I'm making things up as I go along.  (Don't you love the freedom fan fics give you?)  

Disclaimer:    Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own everything.  But I wouldn't mind leasing Spike from them for a couple of weeks :)  

Feedback:     As always, appreciated.

Seeing Spike Through Buffy's Eyes 

**Chapter 22 – Courting with Disaster**

Lilah was having a terrible day.  And the conference call with the board members hadn't helped.  Every time she thought she was getting close.  Every damn time!  Something happened.  Now, not only did she need to worry about Angel, but she needed to keep track of Connor.  The boy… after months of research, they still had nothing on him.  No prophesies, no cryptic writings.  Nothing that pointed to why two vampires had spawned a human child.  It was rather annoying.  

She rested her head on the back of her chair.  Maybe she should pay Wesley a visit.  After bringing Angel back from God knows where, she could feel him distancing himself from her.  Well, it's not like they were close to begin with, but still there was additional distance there.  But she didn't care, right?  It was all about the sleep arrangements, nothing more.  And he did help relax her.  Lilah chuckled to herself.  Definitely helped relax her.  

She looked at the file folders almost spilling out of her in-box.  Maybe some less important work would help her focus.  She had been neglecting her other duties the past few weeks.  How was she supposed to run the LA office and keep tabs on Angel , his rugrat and his little gang of merry men all at the same time?  What she needed was an assistant to help with the entire Angel problem, but she couldn't trust anyone to do the work but herself.  It was always something.

Lilah pulled the stack of files into her lap, quickly flipping through the tabs.  She'd give the files a preliminary run, then hand them over to someone else.  Nothing sitting on her desk was that important – wait.  She flipped back a few tabs as a name caught her attention.  Faith?  What was Faith's filing doing on her desk?  She pulled the file out of the stack, placing the rest of them back in her in-box.  A frown creased her brow as she read the note paper-clipped to the outside.       

Ms. Morgan, 

We are currently working on an appeal in the case of Faith Danners.  Since you have worked with this client before, we would appreciate any assistance you could offer.  

Sincerely, 

Michael Hillard

Jeffrey Robbins

Lilah ripped the file open.  Faith's case was in appeal?  Who the hell had hired the firm to appeal the girl's case?  Her eyes scanned the contents of the file.  William Summers.  She didn't recognize the name, but it did sound familiar.  Summers, Summer, where had she heard that name…  oh, there it was.  The fifth page in.  Buffy Summers – Slayer.  Current residence – Sunnydale, CA.  But the file said William Summers resided in New Orleans.  Interesting.  The last names could be a coincidence, but Lilah didn't believe in coincidences.  Especially when it came to Slayers.  

So, William Summers was spending an enormous amount of money to appeal Faith's case.  Truthfully, it wouldn't be difficult to get the girl out of jail.  If Faith had kept her part of the bargain in the first place, had killed Angel as she was instructed, she never would have seen the inside of a jail cell.  The entire case was built on circumstantial evidence.  The police never found either murder weapon, there were no prints, and the MO for both murders was different.  No, the reason Faith was in jail was her own confession.  

Lilah looked more closely at the file's contents.  Obviously, the attorneys working the case were from the sixth floor.  Imbeciles.  They had uncovered everything but the most important piece of information.  Poor, little Faithy.  Lilah wondered how she was doing in her 3x3 cell.  Must be driving her insane by now.  Knowing she had the strength to escape, but her conscience keeper her behind bars.  The girl was an idiot.  She was wasting the power she was given.  But Lilah had no allegiances.  What she did to insure Faith's incarceration could easily be challenged.  Wolfram and Hart did what the paying clients told them.

All it would take were a few phone calls to uncover the paperwork that had been misplaced at Faith's first trial.  It had been so simple.  The confession was grand, but completely invalid.  And although the court had tried Faith as an adult, she was a minor at the time of her arrest and confession.  Something that hadn't come out before or during the trial.  A minor for whom the police had never found a parent or legal guardian.  With the proper handling, even the lackeys on the sixth floor could have the confession thrown out.  And without the confession, the prosecution had nothing.

She'd tell them to present their brief to Judge Owens.  Owens was known for his opposition to infringing on the rights of minors.  Hell, he was a champion for the brats of the world.  She'd used him before when she needed help with a minor's case.  He wasn't fond of Wolfram and Hart on principle, but he'd put that aside to help a child.  With his assistance, they should be able to speed through the appeal process.                

The entire situation was intriguing.  Maybe she'd pay a visit to the lower floor herself.  Pass along the information she had and gather some of her own.    Lilah laid the file open on her desk, pushing her chair back as she contemplated the new puzzle in front of her.  William Summers.  Who are you and why do you want the little Slayer out of jail?

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Buffy watched Spike as he sat in front of his laptop now stationed on the desk in the living room.  She shook her head as she pulled her eyes away from him and back to the movie she was supposed to be watching with Dawn.  Since coming back to Sunnydale, he spent more time on the damn computer and on his constantly ringing cell phone than she would have liked.  Worrying about his business, The Cup of Souls, Dawn's welfare.  Hell, the only time they spent alone together, aside from their bedroom antics, was on patrol.  Not the best boyfriend/girlfriend quality time.  But then again, compared to her other relationships…

He was just so… different now.  She wasn't sure what the sitch was, and it's not like he was Mr. Spillage when it came to the info.  Oh sure, he told her all about the bar and Cassandra and Anthony and his run in with Giles, but there was something missing.  Something she didn't know.  And it was driving her nuts! 

Okay, so he told her upfront that he wasn't going to tell her everything.  And she got that.  She really did.  It wasn't like she had told him everything about her life.  She hadn't told him about the time before she was chosen.  Hadn't filled him in on all the parts of the Angel-Buffy saga.  Hadn't given him a play-by-play of everything that had happened in Sunnydale while he was gone.  But this nagging at the back of her skull wasn't about stuff like that.  She felt – no, she KNEW he was keeping bigger and better secrets from her.  She'd bet her new crossbow on it.  

The question was how did she ask him without having a replay of the kitchen incident a few weeks ago?  Since then, they had fallen into a rather domestic routine.  Which was something else that was secretly wigging her out.  Come on, Spike doing laundry?  Cooking dinner?  Changing the sheets on the bed?  Okay, obviously he had done things like that before, but not in her house.  And definitely not with her watching.  It just didn't fit the Big Bad image.  

Where was she?  Oh yeah, the kitchen incident.  Didn't want to repeat that.  Especially after the conversation between her and Dawn.  She'd put on her best, "look, I'm the adult.  I know more about this stuff than you do" face when she and Dawn had talked about abusive relationships.  And it was a good conversation.  Dawn seemed to understand what Buffy was talking about before Buffy knew herself.  Dawn knew the difference between what was acceptable between Spike and Buffy, and what was acceptable between regular people, but she had agreed with Willow.  The hitting Spike all the time, not the best idea the Slayer ever had.  Dawn had even challenged her.  A stupid bet really.  For every week the two didn't come to blows, Dawn would do the dishes and take out the trash, normally Buffy duties.  And it was working.  Buffy hadn't had dishpan hands in over three weeks.  

So, how DID she ask Spike if he was keeping things from her without it turning into a full-blown argument, complete with vampire broken nose?

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Spike glanced in Buffy's direction briefly before turning his attention back to his e-mail.  The Slayer was supposed to be watching television with the Nibblet, but it was obvious her mind wasn't on the movie.  No, she had the scrunched up worried look about her.  Another place and time, he might have asked her what was wrong.  But since he had a pretty good idea what it was, and since he had no intentions of telling her the truth, he'd just have to let her stew.  Bloody hell, he hated this.  

Giles had called him from Boston the day he learned who was in possession of the Cup of Souls.  Quentin Travers.  The bastard.  Spike had never met the man personally.  No, the Council's grand-poobah was too high up on the food chain to ask questions of the vampire himself.  The last time the council was in town, he had sent the babies to Spike's crypt instead.  But it didn't matter.  Sight unseen, Spike still hated him.  Probably the only person in the world he would enjoy killing with his bare hands, if the damn chip wasn't still lodged in his brain.  Well, besides the Whelp, of course.  But that was just tradition, now wasn't it?  

When they had first talked, Giles had apologized over and over.  And a day later, Cassandra and Tony had done the same.  But it wasn't their faults.  How could they have known their inquires into the Cup would have alerted the Council to the Slayer's recent problem?  It was just bad, dumb luck was all.

Spike knew Giles and Tony were doing the best they could.  Making inquires among their contacts in England.  Of course, Giles wasn't a popular member of the Council, and didn't trust anyone who worked closely with Travers.  And Tony's own associates were mostly demon in nation.  Not prime candidates for information when one wanted to know the inner workings of the Watchers.  But they were trying.  And if all else failed, they had Cass.  

But did the Slayer know any of this?  Of course not.  Spike knew Giles was right.  Never even argued with him over it.  If Buffy knew who had the Cup, she'd be on the next plane to England.  She'd march into the Council and demand Travers give it to her.  And she'd be exactly where he wanted her – at his mercy.  So, Spike agreed with Giles.  Until they had a better plan, Buffy was left in the dark.

But it wasn't Giles who had to look her in the eye, was it?  Wasn't Giles who had to answer her questions about how the research was going.  Wasn't Giles who had to lie to her every waking minute of every damn day!  No, Giles left all of that to Spike.

And then there was the whole Faith situation.  Christ.  Could he dig a deeper hole for himself?  When the Slayer found out…  Why didn't someone just stake him now?  When Buffy found out that Faith might actually get out of jail.  When she found out that HE was the one paying to get her out.  Not to mention when she found out about Giles little theory.  Spike knew his unlife wouldn't be worth two damn nickels. 

And the worst part, the bloody worst part, was that they hadn't been fighting!  Nibblet had told him about the sisters' conversation.  Even told him about the stupid bet.  Spike thought the whole thing was funny.  Especially the part where Harris and Red stood up for him.  How bad was it when two of the Scoobies took his side over the Slayer's?  Spike was even doing his part.  Trying not to goad her.  Doing his share of the household stuff.  In his opinion, being the model boyfriend.  

And the minute she knew the truth, it would all be shot to hell.  Some days, it just didn't pay to be a white hat.  Nope.  It really didn't pay.                   

---TBC


End file.
